She told her friends about my impotence

[girl68]

Can you possibly phathom the idea that she made a mistake and may not do it again?

[Perryville]

68, you don't know that she is as repentant as you were, and Glith doesn't either. If I may make a suggestion, Glith, start communicating your boundaries, now. Tell her that any more of this will not be tolerated, and that she shouldn't expect you to have to interact with those friends that she blabbed to. Make sure that she knows that any intimate info about you, needs to be cleared through you, before she can tell anybody else. If she is really sorry for her mistake, she will agree and try her best to make amends. If she rebels against these fair, private boundaries, dump her, and don't look back.

[girl68]

You're right I don't know, which is why my post had a question mark after it. I'm ASKING if he thinks it's possible she won't do it again.

[loverman1]

impotence is only a problem, an humiliation if you make it that way. Just accept it, and smile about it...your girl should'nt have told her friends but i'm sure if your like her then you can forgive her

[Perryville]

68, you seem to have a chip on your shoulder. I'm not trying to be nasty to you.

[girl68]

^ Chip? Nope, I'm intact.

You said I don't know if she's sorry, I agreed- which is exactly why I posed that post as a question. He seems to think that if she did it once she'll always do it. I asked if he realized it was possible to not do it again (of course only if she realizes her mistake) Well given that the OP said they've talked about it and I think he even mentions that she realizes her mistakes. Typically when someone does wrong, they KNOW they've done wrong, and realize the hurt/ humiliation it has caused most 'intelligent' women (as he says) would be able to make a correction on the behaviour and not do it again.

I guess that's my point: she can change if she wants to, does the OP believe that? Not according to his last post.

[Perryville]

I think, perhaps, it is too soon for him to tell, if she has changed her behavior. If he is willing (and I think he is trying) to give her the benefit of the doubt, maybe with time she can show him the change, and this will be a non-issue. I think that right now, his sense of humiliation, and dread at meeting her friends, is magnifying the problem, and increasing his resentment.

[SirWagginston]

The bickering here amuses me.

[Glith]

Can you possibly phathom the idea that she made a mistake and may not do it again?

Yes I can fathom it, and yes she is sorry, but yes...she may well do it again. She's sorry for the humiliation caused, and sorry that she did go and talk to them, however..at the same time, she said that if ever I really upset her, she WOULD go and talk to her friends about it. It's the way she deals with things, she says she gets input from people close to her. Unfortunately, that input is at the expense of the my privacy and the privacy of our rekationship.

If I may make a suggestion, Glith, start communicating your boundaries, now. Tell her that any more of this will not be tolerated, and that she shouldn't expect you to have to interact with those friends that she blabbed to. Make sure that she knows that any intimate info about you, needs to be cleared through you, before she can tell anybody else. If she is really sorry for her mistake, she will agree and try her best to make amends. If she rebels against these fair, private boundaries, dump her, and don't look back.

She has said she'll try to be more private, and wont talk to her friends about our sex life. I appreciate that. However, I'm not sure she'll stick to it if something happens again which upsets her.
She is also willing to accept that I don't want to meet her friends.

[Perryville]

This sounds to me, Glith, that she IS making an effort to change. Maybe you can make the same effort to be forgiving?

[girl68]

What you should also understand is that her friends are her friends and you shouldn't (or maybe *you* can) expect her to never, ever talk about you. Like when you have a fight is she allowed to go vent to her friends? I think as long as not all details are divulged a little healthy venting to your bff's is harmless, and it could help you in the long run in that she sees a side to the argument she never did before, or she purely vents, and comes home to talk it through with you with out the temper.

I think you should lay more boundries. Give her examples that you think is okay and what you think is not. Tell her that she needs to excercise more discretion. Those words are good words to use as well.

Have you also done your part saying that you need to be more approachable in such matters? Tell her that she *can* come talk to you.

Either way I agree with Glith.

[abra kadabra]

This is quite an interesting thread - the bickering that SirWagginston stated is somewhat amusing

However I think it promotes the differences of opinion very well. There is, in my humble opinion Glith, some key points worth highlighting:

1. What is done is done. Although you are obviously feeling hurt, angry and even humiliated, you have to accept what has happened, forgive your girlfriend and move on with her. If you truly believe she is sorry and wants to respect your privacy then I'm sure this can be worked out. If not, then what other option is there other than to end it with her? You will only end up resenting her and the relationship will end anyway due to arguments +++

2. From the sounds of it, this is something that happened early on/at the beginning of you two meeting. Maybe in the early days her first thought wasn't "I need to make sure I respect this guys privacy so he can meet my friends" more "shit, this needs to get sorted/what can/should I do", especially if you were a little defensive about it, as I'm sure most if not all guys would be to some extent. It must make you feel bad that your privacy wasn't her main concern, considering that you are such a private person and like you say, it probably comes down to differences in personality or values. I think I read somewhere that she should have gone to a counsellor/specialist for advise or even talked to her mother (!). Hmm, how many people to you know after a few days or few weeks (not exactly sure when she talked) after meeting a new partner would book in to see a professional and spend money to talk about an issue which she seems comfortable talking to her friends about? I know that doesn't help your issues of privacy Glith but I just think that is a little unrealistic.

3. I work with a fair few women (teacher) and it does seem that the fairer sex are more comfortable with talking about more private issues with regards to their personal life and although I have heard them talk about private issues, I can't say it ever comes across as "disrespectful", more of a means to support each other and to obtain a different point of view. I think we all need that at time, male or female. I am probably more relaxed on this than you, however I can see it from your perspective why you would feel the way you do. If you are already shy and uncomfortable with meeting new people then yes, this would make it harder for you. However, to keep your own sanity, I think you must find a way to stop what seems to be thoughts of being ridiculed by people because they know this. I can't say that as a guy, I would be happy at the thought of people knowing about how my penis works or doesn't, however it looks like she talked about to actually do something constructive rather than to cause you to feel ashamed/embarrassed. From the sounds of it, those feelings were already there, they have just been magnified due to this situation.

4. Where do you see the relationship in 3/6/9 months time? Is the relationship strong enough to undertake this and do you feel able to trust her - do you feel in the time that you have know her she is trustworthy person?

I think it is a good idea to post your problems on such boards to vent frustrations and to get some advise, however, in the end it is your decision and no matter how much discussion/bickering goes on here, its ultimately down to your own judgement. I only say that as I myself went through a difficult time with my girlfriend last year and spent quite a lot of time on such forums which was helpful, but at the same time I ended up spending a lot more time venting my anger/frustration on the net than actually working it through with her. Although anonymous, it almost becomes the thing you fear of her and her friends; them sitting around chatting and bickering about you/what she should do etc. Maybe that was just the discussion board I posted in!! However, I can't deny that it helped and I think you've done a great thing speaking on here considering how private you are - I'm not so different to yourself in some respects

I hope you can work this through with your girl, as you sound you care for her a great deal.

Take is easy and keep the peace