Hello, I'm sorry to post this on here... I've never done anything like this before and wouldn't normally.
First off, I would like to say that I'm a gay man and this post is for some gay friendly advice. If you find this thing offensive, please don't read any farther.
The thing that is bothering me is that I have been seeing this guy for about a little over a month. I met him at a mutual friend of our's birthday party. When I saw him walk in the place at the beginning of the party, I thought he was WAY hot, but wouldn't speak to him because I thought he wouldn't be interested in talking to me. By the end of the party, he asked me what my name was and if he could have my number. I was hesitant to give it to him at first because I've been hurt a lot in the past, but then I though he's just gotten drunk and would forget he even has the number so I have it to him anyway.
I was really surprised to see him texting me the next day while I was at work! We hit it off really fast and over Christmas time were texting each other everyday and seeing each other some. Then on New Year's eve, I stayed with him at his apartment. It wasn't the first time we had stayed together, but I was really nervous. We ended up sleeping together, something I don't do with someone unless I really care for them and have feelings for them. I was a little intoxicated and afterward, he laid his head on my chest while I was caressing him. Just out of nowhere, I told him that I loved him. Things got really silent and then he looked at me and rolled over and went to bed. The next day, I left, but told him would call him if he still wanted me to. He said yeah, but I know what that really means. Like I said, I've been hurt a lot.
To shorten this, I didn't hear from him for 3 weeks. MADE ME SICK EVERYTIME I WOULD THINK ABOUT IT! Finally, after I was getting to the point of moving on and could stand to be alone by myself without my thought wandering on him, he texted me and asked if I would come over so we could talk. I said yes and when over. We talked about what happened that day and he said that he really does like me and that he would like to try for a relationship with me, but wants to take it slow. I agreed and apologized for making him feel uncomfortable and that I didn't mean to.
That was last week and it had been a WONDERFUL one! We were talking and going out, and he even wanted me to spend some nights at his house. I was so happy and I THOUGHT he was too. I wasn't rushing anything.
Today, I noticed he was acting a bit distant again so I texted him and asked what was wrong and if there was anything I could do. He told me that he still feels as if thing are being rushed and that he's really not ready to be in a relationship and that all he feels he can give me is friendship. After sitting there, trying to absorb that spine chilling text, I asked him what I did that was wrong, and what I could do to fix it because I really like him and want it to work. He said I didn't do anything wrong really, but that he is loud and outgoing and I am shy and reserved and that he didn't think that it would really work out romantically between us, but he wants to be my friend.
I told him that is fine if he really feels that way. It's better to be friends than nothing at all, but I feel so hurt by this. I shouldn't. He's not the first person to tell me the same thing. Others that I've started to see romantically before would start acting shady around me and then would tell me things like I'm a really nice person and that I deserve someone better than them... All I want is him... That is what would make me happy...
It makes me happy to know the ones I care about are happy, even if that someone isn't with me, but when can I be happy with someone? Even my friends tell me that I'm too nice and in today's times, nobody likes a "nice person" romantically. Nice people end up becoming the "good friends"...
I'm starting to think this is really true. As stupid as this sounds, I wish I knew how to be more of a hard-ass and not give a damn about what people care about. Maybe then someone will find me worth keeping?... I feel so alone and hurt now that I don't want to do anything, but at the same time, I don't want to sit in my house alone either... I'm tired of feeling this way. It's making me feel physically ill... Maybe really I am a boring person...