Well, just as the title says, I'm now single after over 2 years in a good relationship. And its rough. Thought I'd post here and talk to people instead of calling her or doing something stupid.. I don't have close contact with many of my friends anymore, so not many people to talk to. I live in a small town, and there are very limited options when it comes to spare time. And to top it off, I have to go to work every single day in an even smaller town, sit on the couch doing nothing, and all I've got to entertain myself is my laptop and unfortunately Facebook...
As in most relationships, we've had our ups and downs. Downs mostly related to me getting jealous about her dancing with her ex and such. This last time, he was rubbing all up and down on her, and I got upset. Again. But when I told her, she only got mad at me, which she so often did. Every bad thing was always my fault. Anyways, after our last fight, things got weird. She started to get emotionally cold, and it didn't take many days before she told me that she didn't know whether to break up or stay with me. She wanted to wait for a while and see, but now, after 5-6 days or so, she did it. It was one ****ed up night. No arguing or nothing like that, but she had to stay at my place over night or she wouldn't get to work in the morning (no car). Imagine that night, me devastated as I more and more understood where it was heading. We were hugging and telling each other how we'd always care for one another. (I cried, Im good at that). We slept in the same bed, and in the morning, after some more crying and feelings, I dropped her off for work. Now imagine that feeling I had while driving away after I dropped her off, thinking about that I'd never hug her again in the way I used to, stroke her hair, hold her and talk to her the way I've been used to for the last two years. It was, without doubt, the worst feeling I've ever felt. Even worse than the last time she broke up (!) a year ago. That feeling still tears inside me, and I feel like there is nothing to do. I'm stuck in the same little town as her for another 4-5 months. As said, the spare-time alternatives are few. Very few. I can run around and work out, or I can go snowboarding the two nights I can make it after work. No cinemas or nothing like that. Another issue is that I don't have too many friends right now. My world consisted of my girlfriend, and almost her alone. I didn't maintain my friendships well, and as a consequence, I don't really have anyone to talk to.
I feel panic when I think about it. I knew that it would come to an end sooner or later. It was me pulling to make it work, all the time. I try to think about that, and that I cant let this take over, but the situation right now feels so hopeless. I'm hopefully leaving for Australia in 4-5 months, but until then, what do I do?!
Most of you probably know how it feels, but seriously, its so gut-wrenchingly painful, and that panic that comes every few minutes is horrible. How am I really supposed to just walk away and forget everything.