When Did Cheating Become So Acceptable?

[akkuria]

Cheating can never be acceptable and can also not be denied or wished away, What I try to understand is why its done and many people are just playing around untill a baby pops up and its in the news

[Incognito]

Indireloaded, what I can't understand about this thread are your responses. It is quite clear that cheating exists, that people do it for a variety of reasons, and that it is generally accepted as wrong. What I don't understand is how you have agreed with it being wrong to do anything deceitful to hurt your partner (cheating behind your partner's back and trying to cover it up is deceitful and hurtful), but then you try to justify cheating by listing various mitigating circumstances and citing various writings by polygamists and others who shun the notion of committed marriage. I'll ask this question with the utmost respect: Have you ever cheated? If you did does your husband know? Again, I only ask this because you seem so bent on trying to justify cheating, when it can never be. Whomever cheats is dead wrong, no matter what the circumstances.

Meh. Lots of things are dishonest. Telling your husband he looks hot when he's getting a beer belly and balding is dishonest. Same thing for your wife when she's getting a bit thick in the ass from 3 kids and a job and not enough exercise. Do good spouses do this^? ALL the time.

I think your issue is really about motives. So is mine.

So, again, what about the wife who told her husband to 'get a slut'. Is that cheating? Or how about a 'faithful' spouse who never has sex with you b/c s/he thinks its wrong except for purposes of procreation? Is that what it means to be faithful?

I agree about honesty in a relationship, and betrayal of any kind is terrible. I just think some of you are a bit too vanilla about the subject. Plus, there are different types of betrayal. Would you be more or less upset about a sexually faithful spouse who blew your retirement investments/kids college fund away on some lark?

Yes, lying to make your spouse feel better about themselves is dishonest, but it is not a betrayal of their trust. I'd also think that helping them to actually look better and feel better about themselves through action (like diet and excercise) would be far more beneficial than simply lying to make them feel temporarily better.

As far as motive..... Cheating only happens because of ONE motive, selfish sexual gratification. Cheating is ALWAYS selfish, no matter how you slice it.

Your statement about being "vanilla" on the subject seems to suggest that you condone cheating. Cheating is as much of a black and white, cut and dry issue as rape, or murder.

[Asip4u]

I hate when people dump things into right and wrong categories..Life isn't that simple!

[Incognito]

I think as far as a woman telling her husband to sleep with another woman goes.....there are obviously many things wrong in that relationship and they shouldn't be married. They are, however, married, so having sex with someone outside of the marriage is adultry. Technically the two are different (cheating and adultery), because as you pointed out with that example sleeping with someone you are not married to is not always secret.

[Incognito]

I hate when people always try to find a "gray area" just to justify their own desires, especially where there isn't one.

[Asip4u]

I hate when people always try to find a "gray area" just to justify their own desires, especially where there isn't one.

People have been this way for so long, it's just that some are just now realizing the truth.

[Incognito]

Oh? What might that truth be? I cannot tell what you mean by your last statement. It was too vague.

[Asip4u]

Oh? What might that truth be? I cannot tell what you mean by your last statement. It was too vague.

Shit happens. You shouldn't go nuts over it.

[Incognito]

Car accidents "happen". Dropping a book on someones foot "happens". Falling down stairs "happens". Do you see a pattern here? Things just "happening" are unintentional and unplanned. Cheating is usually premeditated and it is always intentional. "Whoops! I just happened to whip my cock out and have sex with you." Yeah that sounds SOOO believable. You can't unintentionally have sex with someone. Don't try to paint it as an innocent act that was unavoidable. Look, if do do something wrong just be man enough (or woman enough) to own up to it and admit you were wrong.

[Incognito]

You know, I am starting to take your comments personally, perhaps I shouldn't. This is a debate after all. If you are offended I'll remove that obviously sarcastic remark, but the fact remains that you should own up to your actions or not act in the first place.

[Asip4u]

You know, I am starting to take your comments personally, perhaps I shouldn't. This is a debate after all. If you are offended I'll remove that obviously sarcastic remark, but the fact remains that you should own up to your actions or not act in the first place.

I am far from offended so no worries. You are describing more about what your dream world is like and not what is actually happening. Human beings have always been destructive (every person under certain conditions can do harm) so all this morality is just pointless. Think about that for awhile.

[Incognito]

I agree that humans are destructive, but that doesn't give anyone a free pass to ignore morality. If everyone lived with the thinking, as you state above, that "morality is pointless" there would be no humanity. Everyone would kill and rape everyone else with impunity. Why? There would be no right and wrong, only "gray". When no one and nothing is wrong there are no bounds to what people will do. Not to mention that no one would help anyone from being raped or killed because helping and showing compassion is morally right.

I can't stop people from cheating, nor would I want to. Everyone has to make their own way in life and "sleep in the bed that they made". I refuse to accept that it is inevitable and benign though.

[Incognito]

I am far from offended so no worries. You are describing more about what your dream world is like and not what is actually happening. Human beings have always been destructive (every person under certain conditions can do harm) so all this morality is just pointless. Think about that for awhile.

I also do not understand the red highlighted portion of your statement. I never claimed that cheating doesn't exist. I know it exists, and it happens far too often, especially considering that marriage is optional. I'm only saying that cheating (in the truest sense, meaning having sex with someone else besides a marriage mate, behind their back, and trying to keep it secret) is wrong, and is absolutely avoidable.

The blue highlighted portion actually contradicts your claim that morality is pointless. Right now people do harm "under certain conditions" because they have some measure of morality. Everyone would cause harm and destruction all the time if morality was simply ignored.

[VincenzoG91]

Morality is pointless?

"Those who stand for nothing fall for anything." -- Alexander Hamilton

[Asip4u]

I also do not understand the highlighted portion of your statement. I never claimed that cheating doesn't exist. I know it exists, and it happens far too often, especially considering that marriage is optional. I'm only saying that cheating (in the truest sense, meaning having sex with someone else besides a marriage mate, behind their back, and trying to keep it secret) is wrong, and is absolutely avoidable.

You are basically sounding like those religious people who believe in certain rules to sort of protect their own little world. Same people who then go and do all kinds of shit that is by most considered immoral.