What's my next move?

[Kayla]

OK.. So I need to know what to do next. I met this guy a little more than a year ago. We started seeing each other within a few weeks of meeting, and there were issues almost right away. He was very push/pull with me; most of the time I was just confused about where or what the "relationship" was. He did a lot of contradictory things- saying one thing and doing another type of behavior. We ended up deciding not to continue dating and to remain friends (we are a part of the same social circle). Bring just friends was mostly fine, although there was a lot of tension and visible frusteration, which we talked through and decided it was just going to be "weird" for awhile since we had previously slept together. Well, after several weeks of staying just friends, we ended up hooking up again. We talked things out and it seemed as though we settled some of our "issues". He admitted to being unfair to me as far as being unwilling to discuss the relationship. He is divorced due to an ex-wife having an affair and leaving and he claimed his behavior came from not truly being ready for a relationship. We started seeing each other again- however after several weeks the same thing happened. We ended up having a huge screaming match and it ended right then. We would still hang out as part of a group and occasionally spend time alone together doing things but there was always this weird awkward tension. Well- now... three weeks ago, I called him to ask about something completely unrelated and we ended up on the phone for five hours talking things out... we talked about everything from his divorce issues and my issues and all the things that went 'wrong' with us. We concluded the conversation by saying we were better off as friends. Well, that DID NOT LAST. That very same weekend, we hooked up AGAIN.. stayed up all night talking and just hanging out.. and yes, sex. Ever since then, we have been hanging out (mostly on weekends I stay over there at his place) and things seem ok. The tension is gone and we have actually been having a great time together. The problem is I don't want things to go the way they did the last two times. He has this underlying fear of relationships that he only half way admits to and I am starting to think this is more than I want to deal with. I have spent the last few weeks waiting for him to start acting like he did before and I do NOT want to get hurt again. I have been trying to be cool and let him totally control the pace of the relationship while also showing that I am into him (initiating some calls/texts). I have been very guarded this time around... I am just not sure what to make of this and what to do next. I really like him so I need to know how to handle things this time. I have already decided that I am done for good if things start to go bad again...

[cmacattack1]

Well, if you take a step back from this and really look at things, what has changed? You guys did alot of talking, did alot of analyzing, but if no effort is made to work towards working on each other, what's to say that this time it's going to be different? It won't and it will end the same way as before.

Each time it started as a hook up and each time it followed with a reconciliatory talk. He has issues, you have issues. These are reasons but they aren't excuses. It's time to man up and take responsibility for each other's actions. If nothing has changed and his behavior takes a turn for the worst again, I hope you will get out as quick as possible.

I know we all got needs, but can't you say no to somebody that has scorned you twice already?

[lahnnabell]

I know you're not really thinking clearly when you're in the throes of passion, but I think you need to put your libido on hold for a bit. This guy is getting every benefit of being in a relationship with you, but without any sort of commitment. You say you want more from this situation, but your standards for that aren't up to par. You continually satiate yourself with the fact that you guys can talk for hours on end about your issues, but it's only taken you in circles. You end up right back where you started. You can talk about these issues till your blue in the face, but it's not changing anything. How about you both make a commitment to one another to make some personal changes before you keep hitting the sack? If you can't do that, then this "relationship" was doomed from the get-go.

[Kayla]

Ive been thinking about this today and have come to the conclusion that its way more trouble than its worth. I'm not going to do this again and am ending it today. I will have to find a way to be his friend because seeing him cannot be avoided unless I give up a large part of my social life for awhile - which will not happen. Guess I've realized I don't care about this as much as I thought I did.. lol-

[lahnnabell]

Good luck with that. And be prepared for things to be kind of awkward for a bit. You guys have to establish a new relationship now as "just friends". No sex, no flirting. Stay away from drinking or going out alone together. Personally, I need space after relationships end. It's one of the reasons I keep several circles of friends.

[Kaius]

He's not ready for a relationship. He likes sex. That's it.
I think you have found your answer before coming here. So that's good.

[xxazurexx]

When men say they are not ready for a relationship or they don't want one.......they are lying.

They want relationships, they just don't want one with YOU!

Which explains why some men who appeared committment phobes, will six months later be preparing to marry another woman.

If he can't make up his mind.....kick him outta your life and before he leaves yours!

[Kayla]

Thanks for all the posts Yea- i'm pretty much over this. He's been texting me the past hour and I havent said anything.. I just don't care right now. Hopefully, I will continue to not care.. ha- (that can change with my mood-lol) We are supposed to go out Thursday and I posted in another forum about that because I don't want to go... I want to be nice but I really don't want to give this a third try.

[xxazurexx]

They guy in my situation would go crazy texing and calling me too....yet he didnt want a relationship either.
I just began ignoring him and he sharp got the message.

Think he knows I'm pissed ...lmfao

[Zero Profit]

Just get in his pants already