My Wife is ALWAYS online late at nite! Need some ADVICE on this one PLEASE!

[ThatGuyKB]

My name is Kevin and I am 26 years old and recently Married! Things are going great between my wife and I but there is one thing that she does that really urks my bubble so-to-speak! She likes to stay up late online when I have to go to bed early for work and she chats online with other guys! Now I don't mind her having friends and what-not even online friends are okay and I TRUST HER it's just the "other" guys out there that I don't trust! I don't want or care for another guy hitting on my wife even if its online! I have confronted her with this issue and she tells me not to worry that she is just a "flirt" and is just having fun online nothing serious but it still bugs me! Is it just my jealousy here or what? We have only been married for about a month now and I just hope that she isnt trying to find a "way out" by chatting with other guys online or if it really is INNOCENT? This drives me INSANE! What can I do? Or say? I came to this forum tonight and signed up because I couldn't sleep after my wife FINALLY came to bed at like 3AM after being on the chatsite! I dunno I was just wondering if anyone else has had the same issue...there has got to be someone out there going through or has gone through this! PLEASE ANY ADVICE WOULD HELP! THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME!
-Kevin B-

[dono01]

Hey man, if it makes you uncomfortable, just tell her about it, and ask her not to because of how it makes you feel. Then let it go. It's up to her to decide wether or not she will respect you in this or not.

[misombra]

that's not cool. she's chatting up other men late at night. wtf is her problem?

[xxazurexx]

I wouldn't be comfortable with it.

The internet presents an 'opportunity' and an opportunity in which one could be tempted to cheat and even if they are not looking to cheat.

It only takes 'one' person to come along, a person you may start to chat regularly with and emotional bonds are formed.
Once you have this form of bond, they are hard to break and they are life threatening to a marriage, more so that if your partner had 'physically' cheated on you.
Affairs of the heart are the most dangerous kind.

Now I aint saying she will cheat, or that your marriage is doomed, etc....just making you AWARE of the danger of chatting online, what can and DOES happen, even though it may not happen in this situation.

Tell her that you feel she is doing is disrespectful and to you and your marriage. Ask her how she would feel, if you stayed up online and chatting to different women all night?

[Incognito]

xxazurexx hit the nail on the head! I'll also add to that that women are more likely to get caught up in an emotional affair, simply because women are more emotional than men. I'll also second the notion that although she may not be "looking" for someone online that it is inevitable that she'll eventually "click" with someone online simply because of the sheer volume of people that one can meet online. What she does after that is up to her, but it is wise to not even put herself (or yourself) in that psoition. Tell her that you feel disrespected by her doing it AND EXPLAIN why. She needs to know what this does to you on an emotional level. If you approach this with the typical "man" mentality (ie "I don't like it so you need to stop NOW") you'll likely start an argument and make the situation worse. Women often complain that their men don't talk enough about things that matter. Here is your chance to NOT be one of those men. Open your mouth, don't be afraid to tell her that you do have emotions and that her actions are negatively affecting them.

[lifeistooshort]

Hi Kevin
I am female and I would NOT do this if I knew it was upsetting my husband/boyfriend. I would tell her how you feel about it and why you feel about it.....anyone with feelings would do the same. She says she is a flirt, which is fine (I guess you knew this about her when you married her), but a marriage is about sharing and caring. I don't think it healthy that she prefers to stay up all hours chatting to guys when you have only been married for one month. The fact that you have posted on here suggests that you a quite worried about it. Communicate with her is all I can say. Hope this helps.

[Gigabitch]

Tell us where she is spending her time online and we'll go give her a raft of shit for disrespecting her commitment like that.

[dono01]

I can hack your computer and watch her if you want. lol.

[vashti]

I can hack your computer and watch her if you want. lol.

That's creepy.

[lahnnabell]

She never exhibited this behavior BEFORE you married her? Or did you passive-aggressively never say anything in the hopes the the behavior would stop once you guys got married?

[dono01]

That's creepy.

Yeah, I prolly should have asked you to make me a cup of coffee while you were in the kitchen Vashti.

[Incognito]

LOL at dono01

[lilly1185]

Again, is this new behaviour, or one that you just became aware of?

Marriage counseling pls.

Alternately, buy her a World of Warcraft account. And make her get a level 80 shaman. That way, when she's up late you can hear the vent conversations of everyone screaming they have to down the Lich King TONIGHT.

[ThatGuyKB]

Thanks every1 for the advice and I will keep all that in mind. I want to add one more thing to what I posted earlier and that is the fact that I know that no matter HOW I confront her about this it will only lead to an argument! If I asked her to respect my feelings before and for her to not be chatting with other guys but at the same time I do not want it to seem as if I am trying to "Control" her because I am not a controlling person! I don't like being controlled so I don't control...make sense? Anyways this has just been an issue for sometime now! What she doesn't realize is that I figured out her Passwords for her chatting sites and I sneak in every once in awhile ESPECIALLY after last night and I haven't been able to find anything "Incriminating" on her just "Friendly" chats from the scripts of messages that I have seen. And don't get me started on how she has her Blackberry Curve phone all locked up and wont give me the password and I haven't figured that one out! She claims she has NOTHING to hide well then if thats so then she should cough up the password to her husband right? I just want her to be happy being with me and it makes me feel like she is not when she goes on these sites. Maybe I am just being paranoid! Or maybe not! I dunno! She is my WIFE and I Love her with all of my heart! I am going to POST another thread here shortly explaining more about my marriage and how we got here...it's just I wanted to start a new thread about it because it is a bit off subject from the internet chat issue I am having now! Thanks again for taking the time to read and reply and I hope to see you in my next thread! PLEASE follow me I need as much advice on this as I can get! I am in a NEW Marriage and I just don't want it to fail and I need as much advice as I can get! THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!!!!
-Kevin B-

[lilly1185]

If she's acting defensive when you're trying to express your discomfort for a situation she's putting herself in,
there is something wrong.

Talk to your priest, or seek marriage counseling because something is absolutely off base.