Feeling Strangely Vulnerable

[lahnnabell]

This is an interesting issue I have... And I plan on bringing it up to Mr. Boyfriend (who is now back in San Diego as of last Saturday ) after I've gained some perspective and feedback. Despite having just arrived home, he spent the last two days driving me around SD to get some car issues handled, which I'm forever grateful for.

The DMV was packed this morning, so we killed some time at a Starbucks for a bit. We were having a light conversation over coffee when he looked up from his coffee at me, and I almost died. He is the most gorgeous man I have ever seen. I can't wrap my head around it... My dilemma is the fact that I have trouble verbalizing these thoughts. Not all the time, but enough so that it frustrates me. I want to freely tell him these things, but when I go to do it it starts to sound all wrong. My face starts to burn red and I become kind of dumbstruck.

I'm such a naturally flirty person, so the fact that I literally cannot say anything to him sometimes is astounding. I am simply content to bask in his presence for the most part, but sometimes I feel that I might explode if I don't say anything... Like to the point of crying (happy tears). But I don't want to cry as I know he'll become concerned that he did something wrong (And I will avoid crying in public like the plague).

I do my best to initiate touch and let him know how I feel that way by stroking his hair and kissing his face, but I worry sometimes about going overboard. I've never been one to withhold affection, but I also think that too much PDA is inappropriate (I personally hate being in close proximity to a couple that's slobbering all over each other). But I don't know what else to do! I'm unsure of where the line is. This part of the world I live in is interesting too because of the large Mexican population. Personal space is very different between cultures. So opinions vary greatly.

I feel vulnerable. I know I need to stop worrying so much about it, but I can't remember a time when I felt like this for a man after 10 months. I'm sure it's also the combination of having not seen him for 4 months too. I feel like he's done so much for me in the last 10 months, and I feel as though nothing I've done has even come close to being equal (though he would argue otherwise). My mother says that I need to stop trying to fix everything and just be happy. Just let him take care of me sometimes. I'm not used to this...

[cmacattack1]

So what's the problem?

I only really have something to say about the PDA part. I used to be against PDA myself but I think alot of time that people are pissing and moaning about it is because they also feel a twinge of guilt. They most likely wish their partner would express that kind of intimacy and behavior and be happy and proud about their relationship to show it off to everyone. You can go to extremes with the slobbering and feeling them up in public, that's where it gets raunchy like you are watching an X-Rated movie. But brushing their hair and kissing their face when they are out at the park or something is perfectly fine. If you want to show some intimacy, just go for it!

I can imagine a history of getting screwed over you has a part of you thinking "when's this fantasy going to end?" Like you are afraid to be vulnerable. Totally understandable. You have good intuitions and you have been keeping him in check thus far, it's not an out of hand situation. Enjoy the comfort and as your mom said let him spoil you a bit. You would know if you aren't getting what you needed.

Spilling your guts takes a lot with the tears of joy. Your actions (public intimacy, etc.) can show it just as well.

[SirWagginston]

I hope I can find a girl like you. Not just because of this post, but because of a couple others from you that I've seen. He's a lucky guy.

[lahnnabell]

I can imagine a history of getting screwed over you has a part of you thinking "when's this fantasy going to end?" Like you are afraid to be vulnerable. Totally understandable. You have good intuitions and you have been keeping him in check thus far, it's not an out of hand situation. Enjoy the comfort and as your mom said let him spoil you a bit. You would know if you aren't getting what you needed.

It's definitely feeling like I lack control when I allow myself to be vulnerable. Years of hurt have made me incredibly cautious. When he is giving me the princess treatment, he's in the driver's seat. I do love this, and how it makes me feel, but I don't trust that feeling. It feels like it's not real. Maybe that's what everyone means when they say, "It was like a dream..." I need to give him a better chance at this. Saying I don't trust the feeling I get is akin to saying I don't trust him, and that's very unfair.

Even when things were good with my exes, they could never figure out how to follow through on something. I was always expected to pick up their slack, or face disappointment. I refuse to do any of that this time around. He deserves to have an honest shot at this, and I'll be sure to let him know when he's overstepped a boundary. For now, I'll stick to being content with cuddling and spontaneous forehead and cheek kisses.

[lahnnabell]

I hope I can find a girl like you. Not just because of this post, but because of a couple others from you that I've seen. He's a lucky guy.

Thank you. He tells me that on the regular, and it makes me feel very good. I also feel truly lucky. He's so good with me. Even knows how to tell me I'm being too loud in the DMV in a nice way and smiles and shakes his head at my bad jokes.

[Gigabitch]

This reminds me of how I used to be with my husband. I used to cry all the time because I was emotionally overwhelmed. Not in public, of course. He was just so sweet and wonderful, he used to bring me breakfast in bed all the time. Still does, actually. He does things like get into my side of the bed while I'm brushing my teeth so it will be warm when I get there. I had mean parents and a selfish ex-husband- I wasn't used to this kind of treatment.

After about two years of this, I finally stopped weeping every time he did something nice. I hope it doesn't take you this long, but it might. What I recommend is staying home together a lot, so you don't embarrass yourself.

The important question is, does he like being adored? If he does, you've got a positive feedback loop going on and you're in for a wonderful time. If not, there could be trouble.

[cmacattack1]

The important question is, does he like being adored? If he does, you've got a positive feedback loop going on and you're in for a wonderful time. If not, there could be trouble.

Weird how alot of people could be like this, me included. You certainly gotta love yourself to allow somebody else in your life to love you. I think you would notice if something was awry.

[LailaK]

This sounds like a good problem to have I hope I experience it someday.

[QueenofCorona]

I can relate to you, lahnnabell. Sometimes I get to thinking things are too good to be true in my current situation. Not everything is 100% perfect but I sometimes can't believe how lucky I am to have such a wonderful guy in my life. Many of my girlfriends are envious of how awesome my bf is to me. I just never thought I could be this lucky or deserve someone so good to me. Sometimes I do find myself not letting myself be as happy as I could allow myself to be because I wonder that any minute it could all possibly end and someone am protecting myself. Not that I feel he's going anywhere or would hurt me but past teaches us certain survival tactics.

[Gigabitch]

Sometimes I do find myself not letting myself be as happy as I could allow myself to be because I wonder that any minute it could all possibly end...

I had to realize the fact that at SOME point, it will end. Even if we're together for the rest of our lives in wedded bliss, someday we're going to die, and probably not together. It will suck. It will suck hard.

That made it easier to appreciate and cherish the time we have.

[isay]

3 years into my relationship I can still relate to you...we are lucky to feel this way though. This is what keeps me inlove with my boyfriend, not being 100% comfortable in our relationship. It makes me want to do things for him and keep him interested in me---

But sometimes I start feeling vulnerable and worried that this is too good to be true and what would I do if I lost it? It's hard when you become so emotionally attached to someone because your happiness starts depending too much on the relationship---but it's a nice feeling

[Mish]

I'm not quite sure I understand the question.

Are you asking how to express your feelings for him better?
Are you asking how to avoid being overwhelmed?
Are you asking how to not be afraid to be more vulnerable?
Or is it just a vent?

Because all of the above will have a different response

[lahnnabell]

I'm not quite sure I understand the question.

Are you asking how to express your feelings for him better?
Are you asking how to avoid being overwhelmed?
Are you asking how to not be afraid to be more vulnerable?
Or is it just a vent?

Because all of the above will have a different response

I was wondering when someone would catch how disorganized my original post was Part of it was just a vent. Part of it was to seek advice on how to feel less overwhelmed and less vulnerable. And how to express my feelings better, I suppose. Thanks!

[all alone]

Well, vulnerability is always something difficult for people to manage, yet such an important factor in a relationship. It's often overlooked, yet without vulnerability, you can't truely put yourself in a position to trust another person and open yourself up them.

A complex emotion i guess. But sounds like you have a pretty good situation going on.. just be honest with your man, and even if you do mumble and mix your thoughts, he'll prolly just think its cute.