This is an interesting issue I have... And I plan on bringing it up to Mr. Boyfriend (who is now back in San Diego as of last Saturday ) after I've gained some perspective and feedback. Despite having just arrived home, he spent the last two days driving me around SD to get some car issues handled, which I'm forever grateful for.
The DMV was packed this morning, so we killed some time at a Starbucks for a bit. We were having a light conversation over coffee when he looked up from his coffee at me, and I almost died. He is the most gorgeous man I have ever seen. I can't wrap my head around it... My dilemma is the fact that I have trouble verbalizing these thoughts. Not all the time, but enough so that it frustrates me. I want to freely tell him these things, but when I go to do it it starts to sound all wrong. My face starts to burn red and I become kind of dumbstruck.
I'm such a naturally flirty person, so the fact that I literally cannot say anything to him sometimes is astounding. I am simply content to bask in his presence for the most part, but sometimes I feel that I might explode if I don't say anything... Like to the point of crying (happy tears). But I don't want to cry as I know he'll become concerned that he did something wrong (And I will avoid crying in public like the plague).
I do my best to initiate touch and let him know how I feel that way by stroking his hair and kissing his face, but I worry sometimes about going overboard. I've never been one to withhold affection, but I also think that too much PDA is inappropriate (I personally hate being in close proximity to a couple that's slobbering all over each other). But I don't know what else to do! I'm unsure of where the line is. This part of the world I live in is interesting too because of the large Mexican population. Personal space is very different between cultures. So opinions vary greatly.
I feel vulnerable. I know I need to stop worrying so much about it, but I can't remember a time when I felt like this for a man after 10 months. I'm sure it's also the combination of having not seen him for 4 months too. I feel like he's done so much for me in the last 10 months, and I feel as though nothing I've done has even come close to being equal (though he would argue otherwise). My mother says that I need to stop trying to fix everything and just be happy. Just let him take care of me sometimes. I'm not used to this...