i fell in love with this amazing guy.... his name is Zaid.. and he has a marvelous personality... i cud open up anything to him.. i could cry infront of him without feeling exposed or vulnerable..i also did things with him that i would 've never done it with anyone before.....zaid's a muslim, im a catholic, he's 21 im 19, we dnt live far from each othr...but whaevert we had cud be simple described amazing...he cares about how he feels towards me.. so did i
there were few problems though( ofcrz there were) before Zaid, i was with this guy... mark.. which i ddnt let zaid know... bkuz i iled from d begining about it..... i was scared to admit it again because....Zaid does know that i used to stick around with bad influenced friends.. u knw.. who drink, smoke, flirt, mess around, go high etc... don't get me wrong.. the most i cud do is to smoke....moving on,
a frnd of mine got pergnant and damn i was in hell of a trouble.... which was traumatizing cuz i was blamed... i was the one who got them togethr.. i kept this from zaid bkuz i lied and admitting it again might make him think that ive gone too far with mark...but hey i dint... mark and i had a very short relationship.... keeps getting on and off...but then i ended it.... and we'r just good frnds.... stil i dint let zaid know... cuz i jjus wanted to be perfect.. evrytin was going perfect...
anothr problem..... i had this frnd... his name is jason.... very close frnd... he's too crazy abt me... zaid knows.. and he hated his guts....he composes songs and choreo dances for me...zaid told me to stay away from him.. yes i did.... that nite before i had to leave for philippines... jason and i were outside... talking.. like it'd be d last talk we cud ever hav.... we hugged at d end.... but i never expectd him to kiss me.... :'( you know that sudden moment when u know u have to do smtin bt u jus cant move.... cuz u duno whts going on? i was petrified... bt all i did was to push him away.. i felt terrible.. and i dint know how to tell this to zaid.. cuz i was leaving.. and this might affect my relationship....it's because i loved zaid.. so much! :'( i never liked jason.... i wasnt attracted to him...
days later, zaid found out! all wht ive been hiding from him.....:'( see, i was less active in my yahoo accounteversince i left mark.. so yea his emails are ther... i was into hotmail... and jason wrote down his feelings abt that nite when we kissed and thos days tht were memorable to him nd he sent it to my yahoo.... somebdoy hacked my yahoo and forwarded those mails to zaid...
he broke up with me...... :'( he thinks ive cheated on him..... it's not true... evrytin we had was soo special..... he blocked all direct contacts... i cnt msg him in fb, blocked me form msn.i wanted explain evrytin to him...bt i can't. tried approachin his friends... but they did all they could... :'(
he jus didnt wanna alk to me anymor.. those days jason mentioned... i coud harldy remember wht were they.. how could that be memorable.. those are prolly school days, dance practises.. thanks giving parties aftr church.. who knows? :'( zaid complety misunderstood me... and he wudnt make me explain..
i know how badly he's hurt cuz i wasn't too open abt my past.. it's jus that i wanted to be d best cuz h'se differnt...
:'( this is his exact text "pia, im giving this alot of thought. as long as my parents are concerned, they will say out of this and so shud urs. but now i think it's best if u moved on. this will be the last of us talking. i need to sort my life out... Goodbye!"
deep inside me.. i desperately want to explain.. and to ask him to give this anothr chance.... :'( i'l do anytin it takes....
he was jus evrytin about me.... and it'l take a lifetime for me to rebuild myslef again... :'(
please help me... :'(
i loved him and i still do... he missunderstood me