Looking for Good Adult Advice...please no games

[TheTwiztidOne]

I have been married to my wife for 5 years now, we have two beautiful girls together and overall I see everything as great...until our bedroom life. We only have sex once every 40-50 days. We are both in our 20s and I kinda see this as a problem. With every problem in my life I try to fix it, and doing as such you try to find the problem. She says she is just tired all the time, so I make consignments to ensure that she has a lighter load, i.e. I clean the house, do chores, cook dinner, etc. etc. This doesn't help any. I started to get nosey, because my last realtionship ended in this same manner, sex stops at home because she was screwing her manager at work. I have gotten nosey and read some of her text messages and actually incited a riot with one from an ex boyfriend that was sending her messages at 6am reading "Good Morning Beautiful" that I personally found inappropriate. She now deletes any and all messages before I get home. I have pretty much stopped asking for sex, stopped trying for it and now just lay in bed next to her at night wondering if tomorrow is going to be the day she bolts. I know that I can't keep living like this....I have personal needs as well. I, at times, feel like that I am only here to pay her bills and be the show off model husband, that she can store in the closet when I'm not needed for a show. I try to be the romantic, i.e. flowers at her job for "no reason", she comes home every now and then to a bubble bath or even a candle lit dinner with soft r and b playing in the background.....but it stills doesn't seem to matter. She claims that her lack of sex drive is simply that she is tired...that I could and would understand completely, but when she wants to go out with her friends she is never "tired" or when we go out to dinner and a movie she is never "tired".........bottom line I guess is I don't know if this is normal or even acceptable behavior and am I suppose to just tolerate her lack of sexual interests?

Thank you for any and all mature advice.

[Flight666]

You sound like a nice man. Unfortunately there is no respect, boundaries or trust in this relationship.
If you have to dig for anything, there is usually something to be found.

I personally don't think your wife is happy and from the looks of it, neither are you.
Most couples can go on functioning with basic elements of what they think a relationship should be, but there is so much more.

Esp. being in your 20's, a sex drive is completely natural and healthy. An absence of it means something.
As for exes and all of that.

There comes a time where you are WITH someone and all tightly wound, historic, past romantic relationships simply END.

I truly hope you work it out with your wife or find the love you deserve

[vashti]

Are you sure she enjoys sex with you? Women who orgasm tend to LIKE sex. A lot.

Also, if you've been married 5 years, and are only in your 20s, you may have married too young. It is very common for young people to grow in different directions when they get married so young.

[Gigabitch]

Do you pay the phone bill too? Can you check her call/ text records?

[TheTwiztidOne]

She use to love sex with me, and any man that has been with a woman who has truly had an orgasm knows the difference...

[IndiReloaded]

She's disconnected emotionally from you for some reason. Any ideas why that might be?

[vashti]

She use to love sex with me, and any man that has been with a woman who has truly had an orgasm knows the difference...

Not really. THey are easy to fake. It's not like we shoot a bunch of ejaculate around the room.

[Mish]

It sounds like there are a number of issues in your post (i.e. the lack of sex, paranoia of her leaving, messages to the ex). All of these are seperate issues, for the purposes of solving one issue at a time you should probably focus on one issue and go with it for the time being (otherwise this is going to be very messy). If you are unsure, ask yourself if the problem you are trying to resolve is rare sex life or if it is something else?

Rare sex can come about for many different reasons. Incompatible sex drives, Religious reasons, lack of or inapparopriate intimacy, grudges, poor performance in the bedroom, staleness of relationship, depression, yes even promiscous behaviour that you pointed out in your post (though I would investigate other potential reasons first). For the purposes on uncomplicating the issue, can you please give more information on when you first noticed this got started? (was it abrupt from sex every day to once in 40 days or slow transition) What was happening in your joint lives at the time? What you think may have contributed? Can you see relevance of any above listed reasons to this?

[vashti]

Also, how old are your kids? if they are very young, fatigue and hormone imbalance are pretty obviously a factor.