A cheat in the making????

[EJT30]

Hi there! New to this, but desperately need some advice that isnt from close friends who are biased!

My BF and i have been together almost 5 yrs. In the first year, he was always close to me at night, hugging and telling me about the future (he even had a name picked out if it was a girl!). Then after two years together his interest waned and over Christmas that year he went on about how we wouldnt make it as a couple as he'd be busy with his music, if be busy with my life and we'd go our separate ways. This was obviously an early warning sign!

At this point we were living together. I should point out that he has confidence issues and always seemed amazed that we got together. But he's a lovely guy which is why i fell for him.

So... 3.5 yrs down the line, turns out he's not fond of kids. But still insists when he's drunk that he loves me madly and will marry me one day when he's where he needs to be musically. And TBH, im a mature student and busy with my course, so im in no hurry!

But then, steadily he has become less affectionate, less romantic and now i feel we are more like flat mates. Not helped by two msgs from him yesterday suggesting we make him up a bed in a spare room so i can 'sleep' better.

But yesterday evening, i found out that when we were out at my friends birthday event on Friday, he was big time hitting on a girl there, who is blonder, taller, sexier and skinnier than i now am. He even went on to tell my mate's BF how fantastic and stunning this girl was and how he'd quite happily be her slave if she was only interested. At this point my friend's BF looked at him in astonishment as im not ugly myself and thought 'what is this guy thinking'!

So, this is rambling now but...

He fully intends to be a successful musician.. and he has the talent. He's also nearly 30, like me, so should be better behaved!

If he has now, drunkenly, started hitting on (1) women, whats to say what he'll be like 6mnths or a yr from now (IF) he makes it? And has all these young beautiful girls throwing themselves at him? Or he goes out with his two unattached bandmates and feels left out when they're on the pull? I know i'm answering my own questions here, but its good to work it all out!

So basically it boils down to the trust being broken. Because i fully believe had i not been there on Friday and the girl in question reciprocated his attraction, he'd have been straight back to hers. And i suspect that if he were drunk and various women throwing themselves at him, he'd not resist and would cheat endlessly.

So there, answered my question already. But if i hadn't, it would have been, should i ignore what i know and try to make it work or hope that in the future, if i end it now, i'll meet someone who wont berak my heart and my trust?

Thanks for listening! :-)

[IncognitoSir]

Oh yeah, I see a cheater brewing. Plus its clear he's been hinting that he has no FAITH in the relationship. Totally disrespected you as well with the "blonder" chick. Get rid of em, you can do much better.

Honsetly it sounds like he may have already been cheating on you. He suggested making another bed so that you can sleep better......WTF is that?

[angel2002]

I am sorry but its clear this man has lost the will of making the relationship with u work out.
He might cheat on you if he gets drunk, or not, i dont think alcoholic drinks have much to do with cheating, the person wants it in the first place or itd not happen.
If i were you id have a big talk to him, because if he seems so flirty with other woman, why isnt he giving u more than 3 times a week? but this is not the issue, the issue is tell him how u feel, and what u r giving and getting from this relationship, and if he is not willing to change, then youd be better moving on. It was 5 years of your life, how would u feel if it was 20 and u were feeling still like this? Something to think bout yeah?
Well wish u the best, good luck, and only u can decide whats best for your future

[Mish]

I think he is starting to take you and the relationship for granted. He must feel he has an upper hand if he believes that he can say such things and get away with it. Whatever it is, it's not looking good EJ, I would confront him on this if I were you.

[xxazurexx]

He will have a hard time making it in music and if he's nearly 30....or if he did, his days would be numbered. Bit like James Blunt - here today, gone 5 songs later.

I'd have been out of the door and as soon as he mentioned to my friends bf, how stunning this other woman was and he'd happily be her slave if she was interested...wtf?

Sounds like a tosser, who probably fancies himself as the next Mick Jagger - more like 'PRICK' Jagger....

[lahnnabell]

Wow. You better believe that if I heard any of that crap come out of my guy's mouth that he'd be gone. There is no excuse for that complete disrespect he showed you. None.

I think you guys moved too fast. You were already living together very early on in your relationship which gave you two a lot of comfort very early, him especially. Now 5 years down the line he feels that he's got no need to make any effort whatsoever. The romance is gone and he's basically admitted to no longer being attracted to you (spare bedroom, making eyes at other women and verbally disrespecting you).

Doesn't sound like a conversation is going to do this one any good if he's so set on doing the musical thing. He's not going to change, so understand that first.

[kitkitkitty]

i know it's easier said than done, but i'm pretty sure you'll be better off without him. you don't need to be compared, criticized or taken for granted especially by some guy who's so wrapped up in his own fairytale rock band world.

[Gigabitch]

You know what you call a musician with no girlfriend?


Homeless.


Throw his ass out. How much evidence do you need that he is a total douchebag? Do you want to be Mrs. Douchebag someday? I didn't think so. Cut him loose.