Very confused on what is the appropriate and mature step

[Krissykris]

Me and my boyfriend have been together for 3.5 years, lately we've been fighting more and more, only when he drinks. He's unhappy with his life at the moment, he has a university degree and he can't find a job in his field so he's frustrated and he drinks every weekend to get HAMMERED. I do not drink at all. I get really irritated when he gets past the point of tipsy to drunk, he acts obnoxious and annoying and starts fights with me and embarrasses me infront of people by acting stupid.
So I tend to ignore him once we leave and he gets mad and starts slowly picking fights with me, just slowly taking shots at me until I crack and I get very sarcastic which just adds fuel to the fire. Usually he has realized his dumb ways and said sorry after a few hours, well as each weekend comes it gets worse and worse, I'm sick and tired of him drinking, I gave up smoking for him because he didn't agree with it, but he can't even cut down on drinking for me. Then when I tell him to leave I can't get the nerve to let him, probably because I know he's not like this all the time. I'm just at the end of the road with figuring out how to deal with it.

The other night was the worst, he got so angry at me he slammed by car door so hard he broke it, then when I ignored him because we couldn't talk without him getting VERY mad at me he got even more mad and asked why I'm such a c*nt all the time. (this is because I ask him to clean up after himself. I do EVERYTHING to do with our home, I clean, I buy everything, I make sure everything looks nice and he doesn't appreciate or even care. I need help with cleaning and I constantly nag at him to help).
So I can't even talk to him, I haven't spoke to him since that night, he's tried to apologize and say he's sorry for getting mad but it's not what I want to hear, he ALWAYS says sorry and the next weekend comes and it starts all over again. So my ignoring him is pissing him off even more so now we're ignoring each other.

HE's not an alcoholic.....yet. I'm afraid he will become one and he takes me worry and makes me look like a joke. He is the most sweet guy, very quiet and funny, but he can't help me with anything, it's like I'm the man in the relationship when I don't want to be, I take care of everything!!!! I'm tired and want help but he refuses to, or he'll try but it only lasts one week before he goes back to his old ways.

Should I leave him for a short period of time to show him what it would be like without me there? This may piss him off though and go the other way. Or should I continue ignoring him until something miraculous happens...

[lahnnabell]

No. He IS an alcoholic. He doesn't have to be a 24/7 drunk to be an alcoholic. He is dependent upon alcohol which makes him an alcoholic. He abuses you, your home, and your relationship because you're still there, putting up with it. He is depressed and needs help.

[looseleaves]

I get this totally. My boyfriend and I just started grad school and we've been dating for five years. Stress is starting to kick in with classes, teaching, and hectic work schedules. He gets drunk once a week and lets all of his anger out at me (not physically, of course, but much cursing and picking fights to blow off steam). The anger is directed at the situation we're in, but I can't help but feel like he's angry with me. So I'm in the same boat: what to do, right? My plan right now is to wait until things calm down a bit and talk it out. There is no rational talking when either person is drunk or in any other altered consciousness.

Hope things go well.