I've been trying to decide what to do about this for weeks and I think that outside opinions would help tremendously. Feel free to skip the long background story & jump to the pros/cons lists.
I'm currently going out with 'David'. We've been together for two years and it's been kind of rocky, but we've always ended up back together. He's a very intelligent person who sometimes lets it go to his head and borders on arrogant. The past couple of months I had been feeling like things were going pretty awful between us. He was always caught up in his research and math equations and the times that we did talk or hang out, he routinely attempted to lecture me and teach me what he was learning about, which I found to be a bit pushy. Despite my frequent requests to go out and do more together, he was always content sitting in his room smoking pot (which I partake in as well, so it's not a huge deal, but sometimes it's nice to get out).
So, as a result I started looking for friendship elsewhere hoping that if I could get out and do stuff with friends, it wouldn't hurt our relationship and we would both be happy. Well, I met 'Mark' through my work and he's been so kind towards me, it's making me completely rethink my relationship with David. In the few weeks that I've known Mark, he's brought in candy for me at work, taken me to the zoo, bought me little gifts here and there, texts me quite often, makes plans with me, etc. But I can't tell if I like him or the attention. And I feel TERRIBLE being with David and thinking about Mark so often.
I started talking to David about how I was feeling, but I did not mention anything about Mark. I tried to break things off with David because I honestly thought he was getting tired of me. He seemed to not care about our relationship at all. Imagine my surprise when he burst into tears and said that he didn't want to lose me and would make things better. I was so sure that he didn't care about me but now apparently I was wrong. Yesterday he came to my house with a bag of random gifts and we had a nice time together. I just can't tell if he's doing this because he actually cares about me or if things are just going to go back to the way that they were.
So I think that my options here are either to break things off with David or completely push Mark into the friend zone. I'm sick of being unsure and feeling like I'm bordering on cheating, despite the fact that Mark and I have yet to even hug. For reference, I'm 20, David is 21, and Mark is 27. So there's the background, here's some information about each of them:
David Pros:
-Intellectually stimulating.
-Sometimes incredibly fun to be around.
-We've been together so long, I can talk to him about anything. We can read each others minds most of the time. He's familiar and safe to me.
-Good future, he's a computer engineering major. Currently works at a fast food restaurant.
-I feel so connected to him...any attempts to cut off contact hurt like crazy, which is why we always ended up back together.
-I feel like he needs me.
David Cons:
-Does not take the lead; I need to plan everything or it doesn't happen.
-Can be arrogant at times.
-Can be quite pessimistic.
-Kind of neurotic, freaks out at the most minor occurrences.
-We're incredibly dependent on each other, which I feel limits our individual growth.
Mark Pros:
-Incredibly thoughtful - does all sorts of nice things that I haven't experienced with other guys. Makes me wonder if he's this way toward everyone, though.
-Takes the lead, he plans things and runs with it.
-He loves to make people laugh & is constantly cracking jokes.
-Incredibly carefree and happy attitude.
-Has a good job in finance with plans to get a degree & go into management.
-More mature than David, but also pretty silly.
-Loves kids.
Mark Cons:
-Was a bit crazyin public, saying stupid jokes to the staff at one point...was that him trying to get me to laugh or being obnoxious?
-I've only known him for a couple of months, so there isn't as much depth to our relationship yet. I could just be seeing what I want to see.
So, can anyone offer some helpful advice? I'm really stuck here. I feel obligated to stay with David, and there are times that we still have a lot of fun together. But our time is usually 60% arguing or being depressed and 40% enjoying ourselves, UNTIL I get so tired of it that it comes to me wanting to break it off. Then things get better. I don't want to keep going in this circle but I also don't want to set my expectations too unrealistically high.
The idea of being in a relationship where we're both happy and being with someone who takes charge and doesn't make me feel like the man is so, so, so appealing. But no relationship is perfect and I don't want to lose a good thing just because my mind is wandering. The grass is always greener and all.. I'm just so confused! >_<