I need advice/someone to talk to about this.

[rs900]

So, this will be a somewhat long post/rant.

I haven't exactly had the best track record when it comes to relationships. I've only been in one relationship, and it only lasted about a week. I've been hurt time and time again. I've always been a bit shy, and in the one relationship I've been in, she was the one who asked me out. It turned out to be some sort of joke to play with my feelings. After that, I just shut myself out from the world and became a recluse.

It's been over a year since then, and only now am I starting to be social again. I feel more confident than before, even though I believe I am not a very attractive person. I am working on losing weight though, and so far it is going ok. People tell me I've changed over the summer, and that I look more confident.

So anyway, the point of this post is that I've found myself in a tough situation. One night at a bar, I started talking to this girl I've known for a little more than a year, but barely ever talked to before. We must have talked for more than 3 hours that night. The next night, we met up at the same bar again. We didn't talk as much, because we were among a group of 10, but when we all got out on the dance floor she danced a little more around me than the others. She took my hat and put it on her own head for a while too. She'd often joke around with me asking me where her drink was when I brought one back to the table. I'd never had so much fun before in my life. Later that night, we stumbled back to our dorm building together (she lives just downstairs from me). She gave me her number and thanked me for walking her home.

So, imagine my surprise when I found out she's in one of my classes. I've had that class twice now since school started, and both times we sat together. We didn't talk much, because it WAS class, but sometimes she'd make funny comments about the class, or funny images would come up on the projector and we just looked at each other and laughed hard.

I feel myself falling for her so hard. I can't concentrate in class anymore, I always find myself looking over to see what she's doing on her laptop or noticing all her little quirks. I find it hard to breathe around her and everything just slows down. I know this feeling. I'm falling hard.

And it scares the hell out of me.

As I've said before, I'm terrible at this. I feel as if there's no way she could see me as anything more than a friend. I don't see her much outside of class, because I'm way too shy to go down to her room just to say hi or to see what she's doing. I haven't called or texted her yet either, even though I want to. I can't get her out of my head. It feels like with every waking moment, all I can think about is getting to know her more. But I'm so scared. I can't stop thinking about all the things that could go wrong. What if she doesn't like me that way? What if someone else comes along before I get the chance to work up the courage to talk to her again? What if I get my heart shredded into pieces just like last time?

To those who took the time to read this, thank you. It means a lot to me.

[justcheckin]

hey man no problem.


first of all, relax! haha. you gotta take it slow. Its ok to feel that way. but just remember girls are very picky and can get spooked easy. U gotta put ur gaurd up, not in a sense of watch out for her, but you got to start to "play it cool" a bit. Dont let her know you are "IN LOVE" with her. Just keep up the small talk, and having fun. Girls love to have fun, and they love to laugh. Make sure things never get awkward. You gotta kinda supress your urge to basically spill your heart to her becuase you are not in the clear yet. You gotta keep up the "i dont care" attitude to see if it goes anywhere. You can then SLOWLY start to work of whatever she gives you and see where it takes you. That is the only way to progress, you gotta take it slow and slow yourself down more then anythign. Im sure the attention is nice, esp considering what all you have said aobut youself (I dont know, I dont know you) so jsut take it slow and dont jump the gun.

[rs900]

Yeah, I'm well aware of how I need to keep it cool and slow. That's how I got hurt last time. Everything went so fast and in less than a week I was left hurting worse than ever. I'm not making that mistake again. I just want to make a stronger friendship with her right now. I'm just so shy and awkward most of the time, to be honest I don't even know how things got this far. I've never really had female friends before. I'm in my third year of college right now and before this series of events, I was miserable. I think I'm on the right path now though, I just need to let time take its course and see where things go. Even if my heart does flips every time I see her, I realize it's probably a good thing I don't see her every day. Would asking her if she wants to hang out and play a videogame with me be too much too fast? I only suggest that because she is a self proclaimed nerd and I know it's something we both enjoy.

[justcheckin]

Honestly I am kinda in your situation. I am in my second year of college and have known this girl for about a year now. We have had classes together since we met, and our conversation has always been on the "school appropriate" side. We are slowly starting to change gears to a more "personal" relationship, but it has been a very slowwwwwwwww process. I spent the entire summer just joking with her and getting to know her at school. I did this by studying with her all summer, haha (after class) but you know what, sometimes thats what it takes. I would see how the casual conversation goes. If you start to feel REAL comfortable together, then I would offer a game session, if that is what you guys like. The ONLY reason I am now starting to push the relationship forward is because she has kinda given me the "green" light in a sense. I just cant mess up and throw it all away because I have butterflies in my stumic haha. I dont care what people say, a good girl takes work. It takes more then a week to get to know somebody. The #1 most important thing about a relationship is that you are also BEST FRIENDS. That takes face time and commitment.

[rs900]

I agree with the best friends thing sentiment, always have. I realize this kind of thing takes time if it's going to work out right. Thanks for giving me some perspective on this though. I tried posting somewhere else first and it got ignored.