Double talk need advice on how to respond quick

[Heartstillfeels]

My relationship with this guy changed when I asked about our relationship . I stopped talking to him ...he asked me why? he asked if I was upset ? I told him he knew why and that I was hurt he said his life was a mess....blah blah.

He then made huge efforts to stay in my life did lots of nice things etc
I decided despite the fact he was confused he was a good person and worth keeping as a friends.

He avoided talking about what happened. We stopped dating. He initiated all contact.
Since then he had contacted me less each week. Now mostly by IM's and emails.

I figured his actions were bigger than words and that he was using me wanted

to remain in contact as a close and then didn't make the effort to do so.

Today I told him his actions were for the best .

I got an immediate email asking how I was and what actions and why for the best? How do I respond to that? I know he is toying he must know what actions. I hate these games. But do care for him as a person. I won't date him till he figures out what he wants and am already moving on and going out. But... he seems really good at throwing the ball in my court so to speak. Do you think this is intentional or could he be genuinely confused. I really need help with a response because I want to be honest and calm but his double talk really bothers me.

[LonelyEngineer]

how long do u know him ???

Ive been in his situation (double talkin) and thats cos i was afraid of getting hurted cos i love the person TOO MUCH.

"I told him he knew why and that I was hurt he said his life was a mess....blah blah."
I dont know the reason cos u havent said clearly

"He avoided talking about what happened"
do u know what happened ???

what do u mean by "he was using me wanted" ?

[ellie]

Sounds like the dozen guys I've dated who were confused and "didn't know what they wanted". You want someone, but you don't want to be pressured into a relationship, you want to eat the cake and have it too, yada yada. That kinda of stuff.

I would just move on, be nice to him when he emails/calls, and if he puts the ball in your court, just kick it back into his as fast as you can.

I'm not sure what you mean when you say "double talk". If you're talking about his "double actions", i.e. saying he doesn't want you and then acting like he wants you.
Don't respond to that. Don't keep arguing with him, he doesnt know what he wants. Let him be. Move on.

He wants to stay in your life because as I said he wants to eat the cake and have it too.
Keep him on the friendship level if you like, but nothing more.

[r4nd0m]

Personally I think you should actually TELL him what he said to hurt you. Also don't expect him to crawl after you. Us men need to keep some pride. If we are always the one contacting you and never the other way round, we are eventually going to give up, no matter how much we care for you.

We men and dumb sometimes. We need to be told what we did/said that hurt you.

Did you tell him you still want to stay friends? If he asks why you need to tell him..

[ellie]

Well first you need to make it clear to him what it is you want. But I got the impression you already had that talk -and that he wasn't that interested in starting something with you because things were "messy".

But yes, I agree with r4nd0m, he probably doesn't even know himself what he did wrong. Let him know you want friendship and if he does something wrong, he probably won't mind you telling him.

[Disillusioned]

But yes, I agree with r4nd0m, he probably doesn't even know himself what he did wrong.

I always wondered with the "you know why?" why it's so tough to tell the person again, as if it's an excuse to stay mad at the person. Been in that: "why?", "you know why!", situation too many times. Maybe a guy just really doesn't know.

[ellie]

Maybe a guy just really doesn't know.

Haha well yeah. I guess... for us women, we just can't imagine that the guy REALLY doesn't know! Because, we think, "if he doesn't get it by now he must be seriously stupid". But I guess sometimes you really have to spell it out, for you men to understand

I have been in this situation lots of times. Where you're kinda angry at the guy because he's sending out mixed signals, and you are also a bit hurt because "he must understand that I like him!" or "he must understand that I'm hurt", and you can't believe the guy is being so insensitive.

But I see your point, sometimes you need to shift your point of view - maybe the other person really sees things differently.

[tim2963]

The guy does know, they are just afraid to make the move. I'm sure after everytime you guys hangout he is pissed at himself for not making a move.

[Chupacabras]

If I understand correctly, you were being passive-aggressive and playing games but are angry at him for playing games? Hint, if a guy doesn't seem to understand what's going through your head and asks for clarification, don't play this silly "he knows what he did" nonsense, he doesn't; if he did, he wouldn't have asked.