Girl I'm dating decided to go 'hangout with another guy' for evening, what's it mean?

[gottabethejuice]

I've been seeing a girl for the last several months, we get along great and have become very close, even having gone a few weekend trips and hangout several times a week (all most everynight), neither of us have dated others during this time until know. I've brought up our relationship status before and she has said that she wants to keep it open but she wasnt dating anyone else, I told her that was fine but we probably should get some space between us since I didn't want to become anymore emotional attached to her, she didnt really like that and in the end nothing changed, she continued to not date anyone else and we kept hanging out the same amount since it just seemed liek she was saying somethign to herself to protect herself from maybe getting to attached to me? Anyways, she told me she had plans tonight and I asked with who and she said someone who came into her store asked her if she wanted to go out and see some music and she said yes. Upon hearing this i told her that we def need to get some distance between us because its clear we want two different things, her to date around, me a relationship. She told me that wasnt the case and she wasn't viewing this as a date but just going out with someone, I explained that is what a date is, she in the end agreed but wasnt looking at it like that . Anyways she claims she likes where we are at and headed but all of a sudden is actually going out on a date with some other person (not just out with a friend but a stranger she just met).

Do I just cut off everything with her or start dating others as well? I told her I'm not going to be her fallback guy and asked her how would she like it if i went out with another girl, she said she wouldn't like. She def. wants to have her cake and eat it to. I don't get it, am I being played?

[IncognitoSir]

You JUST answered your own question. Of course she's playing you, she pretty much admitted to doing so. This is what you do, keep here as a FWB. Don't invest anymore emotion into this chick. She wants the best of both worlds and expects you to rollover and take it. I can't believe she insulted your intelligence in such a way. She's treating you horribly and you guys aren't even dating yet. That's like 3 red flags bro.

[Poetic_Partner]

"...she wants to keep it open..."
No - she's not playing you. She's been honest with you that you are NOT exclusively dating. Just because she hasn't invoked the whole "open" thing till now doesn't mean it wasn't there. You're also not her fall-back guy near as I can tell, but her #1 man. All others are fall-back.

She's just going out on a date. From what you said, it sounds like no romance planned, and consider this - she has been honest with you so far. Q:"Are we exclusive?" A:"No." Q:"What're you doing tonight?" A:"Going to a show with a guy."

IMHO, she's done nothing wrong here. For your part, though, you need to seriously consider how important fidelity is to you. In truth, you should have been thinking of this from the moment she said you two weren't exclusive, so you're got some mental catching up to do.

So, my advice - just be honest with her. Here's a couple possible ways it could go:

"I know you said we were open, but I wasn't really listening. Now I am and I'm not sure I can do this - I need to take some time off."

"I know you said we were open, but I wasn't really listening. Now I am and though I have deep reservations, I won't object so long as it's just a night on the town."

-PP

[BackUpOrGetStng]

I agree with Incongnito. Keep her as FWB and start dating other women. You're actually in a good position right now. You have someone to have sex with regularly, which makes finding another girl twice as easy because you don't have to worry about when she'll sleep with you so you can get to know her without the pressure of sex. Don't even say anything about it to the chick you're seeing now unless she asks.

[Poetic_Partner]

"...Don't even say anything about it to the chick you're seeing now unless she asks...."

Sorry, but that's the wrong move. She's been honest with you - the minute you start keeping secrets she'll lose her trust in you. You don't have to be in-your-face about it, but don't try and hide if you have a date with someone else.

-PP

[BackUpOrGetStng]

"She's been honest with you - the minute you start keeping secrets she'll lose her trust in you."

Nowhere in my post did I suggest he be dishonest with her or keep secrets. I just said don't bring it up, but be honest if she asks. The OP has every right to his own privacy, and she's made it clear that they are not in a relationship, so he owes her absolutely nothing.

[Poetic_Partner]

BackUp,

True, I stand corrected.

-PP

[Agape]

I've brought up our relationship status before and she has said that she wants to keep it open but she wasnt dating anyone else

Even if she was dating this guy I wouldn't say it was 'playing' she said herself she wanted things to be open. . . she was honest.

Now you decide for yourself, what do you want - do you want to continue on with the open dating or do you want to see if you can get this more exclusive?

[IncognitoSir]

I've been seeing a girl for the last several months, we get along great and have become very close, even having gone a few weekend trips and hangout several times a week (all most everynight), neither of us have dated others during this time until know. I've brought up our relationship status before and she has said that she wants to keep it open but she wasnt dating anyone else, I told her that was fine but we probably should get some space between us since I didn't want to become anymore emotional attached to her, she didnt really like that and in the end nothing changed, she continued to not date anyone else and we kept hanging out the same amount since it just seemed liek she was saying somethign to herself to protect herself from maybe getting to attached to me? Anyways, she told me she had plans tonight and I asked with who and she said someone who came into her store asked her if she wanted to go out and see some music and she said yes. Upon hearing this i told her that we def need to get some distance between us because its clear we want two different things, her to date around, me a relationship. She told me that wasnt the case and she wasn't viewing this as a date but just going out with someone, I explained that is what a date is, she in the end agreed but wasnt looking at it like that . Anyways she claims she likes where we are at and headed but all of a sudden is actually going out on a date with some other person (not just out with a friend but a stranger she just met).

Do I just cut off everything with her or start dating others as well? I told her I'm not going to be her fallback guy and asked her how would she like it if i went out with another girl, she said she wouldn't like. She def. wants to have her cake and eat it to. I don't get it, am I being played?

She said lets keep it open right....and then in the same breathe she says she's not dating anyone else. If it's a open relationship what difference does it matter if she's dateing anyone else or not?? She said just enough to tell you how SHE wants it and to keep you hooked. The chick is playing games, maybe she's being somewhat honest but she is being very misleading as well. You told her your problems with emotional attachment and not being exclusive, but she kept things going anyways. FWB, find a chick thats gonna be str8 up with you.

[Poetic_Partner]

Incognito,

She HAS been straight with him.

Lets say I interview for contract-work and am asked "Can we get an exclusive contract with you?"

So, I say "Well, I'm not doing any other work so I can give you all my time at the moment, but I reserve the right to take other contracts."

If, a few months later, I take a contract with a second company - how would that not be straight?

She said that she wanted to date to OP, but that she also wanted to reserve the right to date others. Which she did. OP was told exactly what he was getting into. Now he has to decide if it's something he can live with or if he needs exclusivity. Should have been cleared up earlier, but it wasn't.

-PP

[vashti]

pp-

I like your posts.