How to get an ex- back after I smothered her & some confusion already?

[damn2010]

Hello there,

I just wanted some advice on how to approach getting my ex-girlfriend back. We were together about 2-3 months. I'm 27 and she is 30. We also live 2 hours away from one another but made it work.

A little backstory: She suffers from endometriosis (where the "period" tissue from your uterus grows outside on other organs and such) and has a past history of bad depression. With the endometriosis, you need a surgery every year or two to get that tissue off your organs as it can eventually lock you up. Her dealing with the illness and the past depression I think leads her to be very independent in dealing with these issues. She is also pursuing a nursing degree.

We just had a long weekend together last week where she was feeling really sick (the endometriosis also causes her periods to be worse) and we spent the weekend doing next to nothing. However, I saw her in some very uncomfortable pain that kicked my "let me take care of you" gear in and I perhaps smothered her too much.

The following Monday, she said we don't work as a couple and she wants me as a friend. She said that she can't deal with a relationship right now with her illness and trying to get her degree. However, she says I'm an amazing person and she wants me in her life as a friend. The usual. I got upset, said we could make it work and right now it's over but we're both struggling.

I realized I made mistakes: I smothered her too much with texts/calls and smothering her while she was sick that past weekend (she commented she "didn't need a second mother"). Let me make it clear that the smothering is never in terms of jealousy but I get excited when I get in a new relationship and sometimes my heart moves faster than my head.

I have recognized this and I'm reading some books already and working my mind to take the pace off. One thing she commented was a need for space. I just need to learn to be better about fitting in between her school schedule and such.

Here's where the confusion sets in...

Anyways, after our "break-up" talk Monday night, she texted me about some tickets a few days later I had got, kind of business-like texts and then we're done. Then Friday night she texts me that she "gave her roommate the boot", I ignore it as I'm on the NO CONTACT mode now and to give us some SPACE. She text me again yesterday something about the tickets, I thank her and ask her how she's doing (as she's still sick) and she says "no good, how are you?". I then got busy and basically ignored that text and got one later saying "How are you???????"...just before bed I see one stating "I suppose you're ignoring my texts if that's the case I won't send anymore.Take care of yourself." I respond to that one stating I was busy and didn't have my phone. I get a response at 6 am stating she thinks that is "BS" in which I respond jokingly (my body clock woke me up at 6 am plus the text ring) and trade one or two text before I tell her to get some sleep and good night. What does it mean when she already knows I'm ignoring her and she gets upset? What should I do?

That leaves me to now. I have reflected upon us, I have reflected upon myself and her and the mistakes I made. I don't know if she knows how upset I really have been but she is already trying to text like "nothing happened" and we're friends. I want this girl back so I have been back to trying to play it cool but could use some advice on the next step. Especially since we're 2 hours apart (she does have family in my area which is a plus) and I have been trying to give her space when even she is trying to text me.

Thank you!

[damn2010]

Thanks...any advice?

My ignoring her texts has obviously gotten to her. I just need some advice because I don't want to foul up my next move.

[sapha1]

well when i have gotten abit suffiocated in the past and have broken up with someone i was with ... his texts where a confort ... when he ignored me or didnt tb or ring.... i would get so upset it made me want him bk because i felt he didnt care , didnt love me. ask her what it is she want , say u dnt want to be rude but if she doesnt want to give it another try then can she atleast give you space so you can try and move on as it hurts when she texts u .

hope i help x

[damn2010]

Well I think right now she wants some space. She's been a little sick but otherwise I think is 'ok'.

I want to give her some space/time to miss me and think about things and then I want to try and win her back, but restart with a fresh slate and take it naturally and slower within a good pace. I do not want to immediately start texting and calling regularly as that was what we did when we were together and that led to some suffocation. I won't ignore her texts but I won't initiate any either.

Unfortunately the difficulty is that there is 2 hours of distance between us. She does have family in my area which helps me out. It's not like I can invite her out to coffee unless she cruises by.

One step at a time.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Use the direct approach and it will ease your confusion immensely. Next time she contacts you, tell her politely that while you love her, she's made her position clear, and she is not to contact you unless she is wants to start working toward a new relationship.