Is she stringing me along?

[dan2k7]

I recently split with my partner of 3 years, we have a young child together. Things eventually came to a head after she told me that I had taken her for granted the previous year and she left to move back to her Mums. We only split friday and yet ever since she has been in touch saying that she loves me but she doesn't know what she wants.

I had a heart to heart with her yesterday and told her I still wanted to be with her and how I could make her feel better but she still said she didn't know what she wants. I can tell she is still full of anger and resentment over the way I neglected her which lead to her leaving but she seems to be trying to play with my mind by sending me these messages.

After yesterday I stopped making all contact with her and she has started being more upfront saying how she still loves me and I won't find anyone who loves me as much as she did but she still doesn't know what she wants. I am convinced she is trying to buy time to string me along but I am just wondering if any other girls could share their input on it.

[dan2k7]

Can any girls give me some input? I know its difficult to make a judgment on a small story but any views would help a lot

[MerryH]

It's pretty cynical to jump to the conclusion that she's stringing you along as a way to screw with your head or something. Do you really think she's that mean and manipulative? If you actually believe this, then it's probably for the best that you're not with someone who would intentionally hurt you, no?

[dan2k7]

It's pretty cynical to jump to the conclusion that she's stringing you along as a way to screw with your head or something. Do you really think she's that mean and manipulative? If you actually believe this, then it's probably for the best that you're not with someone who would intentionally hurt you, no?

Thanks for the reply, I would never normally have thought her to be that mean and manipulative but I can sense the amount of anger she has stored up in her. The most part of me thinks that she is doing it to hurt me, but another small part makes me wonder if she really is stuck in limbo about whether to give it another go.

[Kaleidoscope114]

It sounds like this girl really does love you but she is probably weighing her options to whether getting back with you is smart or not. I went through this recently. After my bf came crawling back I gave him another chance. We've been back together just shy of 2 months now and he's back to his usual inconsiderate, selfish ways. This may be something she is just weighing in her head.

[dan2k7]

It sounds like this girl really does love you but she is probably weighing her options to whether getting back with you is smart or not. I went through this recently. After my bf came crawling back I gave him another chance. We've been back together just shy of 2 months now and he's back to his usual inconsiderate, selfish ways. This may be something she is just weighing in her head.

Thanks for your input I was hoping that there may have been a similar element involved but I am almost certain now that she was just trying to string me along for as long as possible. Now that she has lost the hold she had over me she is going ballistic. Not an ideal situation but at least I won't get hurt anymore

[sarahprincess]

"and she has started being more upfront saying how she still loves me and I won't find anyone who loves me as much as she did"

Well to me that sounds a bit manipulative, I mean how does she know you wont find someone who loves you like she did(does)? It just sounds like a manipulative statement.
I feel like she wants you to hang around until she gets her head on straight. Kind of keeping you to herself till she can decide whats best for her. To me, it sounds a bit selfish. I mean its one thing if this issue between you and her has been a problem before (or many times) and she has let you know this needed to change or else, but its another to just want a different guy completely because she feels neglected. Also, you have a small child. Does it seem like that is best for him/her?

[dan2k7]

"and she has started being more upfront saying how she still loves me and I won't find anyone who loves me as much as she did"

Well to me that sounds a bit manipulative, I mean how does she know you wont find someone who loves you like she did(does)? It just sounds like a manipulative statement.
I feel like she wants you to hang around until she gets her head on straight. Kind of keeping you to herself till she can decide whats best for her. To me, it sounds a bit selfish. I mean its one thing if this issue between you and her has been a problem before (or many times) and she has let you know this needed to change or else, but its another to just want a different guy completely because she feels neglected. Also, you have a small child. Does it seem like that is best for him/her?

Thank you for your reply Sarah, she has repeated a similar statement yet again today saying that 'no one will love you as much as me' and 'i treated you better than anyone would'. She also said that she wanted to be with me on the phone, but then she does not act on it? I keep telling her that I know she won't get over the time that I neglected her but she will not admit it to herself. I am sure she doesn't want me to move on until she has so she does not get hurt but we both need to be civilised for the sake of our son. I want to be her friend but at the moment I am not sure if it is possible.

She is convinced because I am not on the phone crying over her and the fact I have started to go out more with my friends that I am dating someone else. Its her paranoia setting in but I won't give her an answer since she has no right to know what I now do in my private life just as I have no right to know what she is up to. I don't know if the break up is best for our son, he is still clingy whenever he has to be left with the other parent.

[sarahprincess]

Thank you for your reply Sarah, she has repeated a similar statement yet again today saying that 'no one will love you as much as me' and 'i treated you better than anyone would'. She also said that she wanted to be with me on the phone, but then she does not act on it? I keep telling her that I know she won't get over the time that I neglected her but she will not admit it to herself. I am sure she doesn't want me to move on until she has so she does not get hurt but we both need to be civilised for the sake of our son. I want to be her friend but at the moment I am not sure if it is possible.

She is convinced because I am not on the phone crying over her and the fact I have started to go out more with my friends that I am dating someone else. Its her paranoia setting in but I won't give her an answer since she has no right to know what I now do in my private life just as I have no right to know what she is up to. I don't know if the break up is best for our son, he is still clingy whenever he has to be left with the other parent.

Hmm, well that statement to me sounds kind of like something my ex said to me when I broke my relationship off. He said I wouldnt find anyone who would treat me better and that I expected too much from him. I read up on it a bit, and they say those are signs of emotional abuse. Trying to convince you that you are worth less than you actually are kind of thing to manipulate you. I'd be a bit wary. If she is upset about your lack of phone time, I would probably let her know that she needs to be the one to take the initiative then.
I think you did the right thing at not telling her what you are up to with your friends. I dont understand why she would be paranoid, she is taking a break from you, not the other way around. People mourn in different ways, doesnt mean you are not upset about the situation.

[dan2k7]

Hmm, well that statement to me sounds kind of like something my ex said to me when I broke my relationship off. He said I wouldnt find anyone who would treat me better and that I expected too much from him. I read up on it a bit, and they say those are signs of emotional abuse. Trying to convince you that you are worth less than you actually are kind of thing to manipulate you. I'd be a bit wary. If she is upset about your lack of phone time, I would probably let her know that she needs to be the one to take the initiative then.
I think you did the right thing at not telling her what you are up to with your friends. I dont understand why she would be paranoid, she is taking a break from you, not the other way around. People mourn in different ways, doesnt mean you are not upset about the situation.

Thanks Sarah you have said some wise words. What did you mean by lack of phone time?

[sarahprincess]

Thanks Sarah you have said some wise words. What did you mean by lack of phone time?

Ah, I thought you meant she wanted to talk to you on the phone, I misread. Well, I would think same goes for seeing you in person. I hope everything works out the best way possible for you.

[dan2k7]

Ah, I thought you meant she wanted to talk to you on the phone, I misread. Well, I would think same goes for seeing you in person. I hope everything works out the best way possible for you.

Thanks Sarah, I wish she would stop beating around the bush and just say that she wants to make it work or not. But I know she won't, I feel like I have to be on my guard in case she just tries to reel me in and hurt me until she is ready for a break up