Puzzled by Him...

[theoneandonly1]

So here's my issue... I have been talking to this guy for a couple of months via text. We met once through a gal I know. He's 5 years younger than me, but we've had fun texting and getting to know one another (I think). Well this last Saturday, we were flirting via text while he was at work and he mentioned coming over after work to see me (this would be the second time we met). It was pretty late and in the back of my head I was thinking oh no, does he think this is going to be a booty call... and even made joke about it.

He came over and we actually sat and talked four about 4 hours. Nothing happened and it was fun getting to know him. It was pretty late so I of course wasn't going to make him drive home (he drove an hour just to get to me). I told him he could spend the night and we went upstairs. We ended up kissing for an hour or so and I told him I didn't want to go any further. He didn't seem upset and we actually talked about it. I told him I wasn't a "one night" kind of girl and he said he was even a bit apprehensive to come over because he wasn't sure what to expect. He also said that when he has slept with a girl on a first date/meeting he usually loses respect for them. We fell asleep after that all cuddled up.

Next day we text a little bit and were talking flirty. He made a comment and I came back with "well that can be arranged, I just didn't want to show you all my skills at once. He then said "Well the first impression is the most important." I think he was kidding.

So here's my question (sorry for the long story), am I dumb to think this guy could be interested in me or was he solely looking for a bootie call that night?

[xxazurexx]

I think if he was interested in more, he'd make arrangements to see you more and to take you on dates - he wouldn't be just texting.

[sweetkissesforu]

he was interested and age is just a number

[Gratedwasabi]

He's working on a booty call. As a man who has (I'm ashamed to say) run the booty call scam a couple of times... he's working on a booty call.

To clarify from that standpoint a couple of his actions.

You only text a girl from work about coming over to see her if you're hoping to get laid or you're in love with her. Considering you'd met once.....

Rule 1 of setting up a re-occurring booty call; don't push for it the first time you get a good chance. You have a much higher chance of the woman being willing to be a booty call if she thinks there might be something more there.

He got to make out, so he feels like it was a solid victory. Maybe not what he wanted but a definite thumbs up for the future. The "lose respect" comment is a comment a womanizer makes; no nice guy will ever say "yeah, I slept with a girl and lost respect for her."

Continuing flirty text the following day, ESPECIALLY WHEN HE DIDN'T GET LAID LIKE HE HAD HOPED, is paramount to setting up the type of relationship, ie friends with benefits, that he wants. The "first impression is the most important" text was probably to make you wonder a bit and maybe feel a little guilty for him coming all the way over to see you and not getting sex despite being so nice to you and chatting and not being pushy (which is just part of the game for him.)

If he liked you he would ask you on a date, not to come over to your house. Booty call. Run (unless you're cool with that. Nothing wrong with a FWB as long as you remove ever getting a relationship from the equation.)

[xxazurexx]

^I love straight up honesty...^^

[Gratedwasabi]

^I love straight up honesty...^^

Bleh, I'm ashamed of some of my actions.

Also to the original poster, you're definitely not dumb for thinking he might be interested in you. He's trying to confuse you. Women are unpredictable so when jerky men want to establish some sort of control in a situation we use the emotional guerilla warfare technique. In our minds, a woman isn't going to stop seeing us while she isn't sure if there's something there or not and for a while she's not going to push for something serious so if we keep her off kilter we keep the situation stable. It's a strange concept.

Things like wanting to go to your house, probably him "casually" mentioning how long the drive is, etc.. are all ways to quickly establish intimacy. By entering your house after sending flirty texts, a woman already feels a certain level of intimacy. Then he took advantage of your kind nature by offhandedly mentioning the drive, knowing you'd feel guilty and he'd probably stay over.. and not on your couch. Thusly even more intimacy. Him not being upset or pushing for sex establishes trust. His cryptic text establishes doubt. And yes, he was probably calculating these things while it was happening.

It's about doing enough to make you completely comfortable with him but not sure either way if you want a serious relationship or not. So the next time he sends you a flirty text about coming over (and he won't ever accept an offer to see you outside of your or his house, unless it involves alcohol, I guarantee) you'll want to see him to try and figure out what's there. He may or may not be a bad guy. He probably thinks you're cool and sexy. He doesn't want a serious relationship with you and he's already made up his mind about it.

[devonbrown]

I must say that Gratedwasabi is probably on the mark with this one. His actions when he came over could be interpreted many different ways, but the fact that he has maintained a mostly test-only relationship for a couple of months is very disconcerting to me. It makes me doubt his intentions, but more than that, it makes me doubt his honesty. Why doesn't he call? Why doesn't he ask you out on a date? Why is he texting you from work and not during his off time? In short, it almost seems that he is trying to hide as much about himself as possible. And that is never a good way to go about starting any type of relationship.

[theoneandonly1]

I think Gratedwasabi is probably right, but as far as dishonesty goes, I don't believe he's been dishonest at all. I know A LOT about him. We've talked many times (not only when he is at work). Plus I know people who know him. Part of the issue I believe is that he's never had a serious girlfriend. I think that's where I wonder if he is really looking for a bootie call. We've talked since that night (everyday) and so I think if he was really only in for that, he would have moved on by now. I'M PROBABLY wrong.