Hi everyone! I am really desperate and don't know exactly where to seek help. Found this forum... Please help me.. (Also excuse me my English, it is not my first language...)
I am 28 years old and about four years ago I met a girl a few years younger than me. We went out for a couple of times but it didn't seem anything special, we had almost nothing to talk about and we just didn't talk any more and I almost forgot about her.
Then about 6 months later I received a phone call. I had to ask who it was and to my great surprise it was that same girl, she wanted to meet me and to talk to me. Well, we started to talk and meet again and she was like another person, we were completely in sync, it turned out we had the same taste in films etc. The reason she contacted me, at least she told me, she suddenly started to miss my strange humour and wicked smartness
Anyway I was very surprised by all this and then after about 3-4 month she said she loves me. Now I was really-really surprised because I considered her only as a good friend. She asked if we could start dating.
I actually did not want to get into a relationship with her, I could not respond properly to her feelings, I did not love her back, although I very much liked her. But still I decided that many relationships begin with a friendship and it is not always love at first sight, so after careful thought I said "yes".
We were together slightly over two years. We NEVER had any arguments, the sex was really-really good, she constantly reminded me that she loved me. And I, being a stupid fool, also fell in love with her finally
Everything was beautiful... We never lived together but talked about it, we lived really close to each other, so there was no distance factor. I loved her more and more every day. We did many things together, a perfect relationship. I was very considerate of her needs and very understanding. We trusted each other completely. I also met her parents and they were quite OK with me.
Then one day this September she called me and said "We have to talk" in a voice that made me feel like I had been shot in the head. Well, we talked. She said that she does not love me in a romantic way as she used to, but cannot explain this "new kind of love", but it is not that strong. And she wants to experience the feeling of "being free", so she asked me if we could have a timeout of 1 month.
I was totally blown away by this but I have read and heard that people do need their space some time, I even know married couples who have had timeout before they were married and everything had turned out fine, so I agreed. So you cannot say that I was suffocating her in some way, I have always tried to be totally undestanding. We were apart for a month, I did not see her and only occasional chat over the web. I missed her so much during that period.
After the one month she said she is certain she wants to break up and she does not love me any more like a boyfriend and she wants to be "only friends". She says she still cares very very much about me and loves me, but only as a friend. But the worst thing is - she still CANNOT EXPLAIN IT. She just wants to be "free" and not in a relationship with me. She says that I am the perfect boyfriend and would be a perfect husband, I like animals and have a good job and the sex is awesome and I don't drink much alcohol and don't smoke etc. But still she does not love me any more. She almost starts crying every time she says it and she says it hurts her even more than it hurts me but this is "something she has to do".
So what am I supposed to do now? I am not a man who easily falls in love, it takes much time and consideration. But when I do fall in love, it is epic. I do not want other girls, I want only her. Even the thought of dating any other girls makes me sick.
Guess I am not that smart after all... I had never considered the possibility that people break up only because the girlfriend says that "this is something she has to do" and "she wants to be free". During these two years I saw several friends of mine breaking up with their boyfriends/girlfriends because of different reasons and thought "oh my god, I have a seriously good thing going on here, I do not even have a remote chance of breaking up with my girlfriend, we simply do not have these reasons for breaking up".
Also I feel like I have been tricked because she hit on me, she wanted a relationship, she said she loved me. And now she is not even reconsidering and not giving it a chance. I have always thought that when people have problems they at least try to resolve them but not in this case. I cannot even define if there is any problem to resolve, except the diappearance of "the real love". Bang! - timeout! Bang - break up!
Is there something I should or can do? Please help! At this moment I have no idea how to go on with my normal life without her being a part of it. What could be the reason that even she cannot define and is not even willing to search for and repair?