Romantic or Platonic ... a survey. : )

[DavidDeAnge]

Then what are you waiting for you have to find out if he is being more of a real boyfriend than just a friend, who knows if this person
can be the person you want to share your life with it would be a real shame if you lost him because you didn't know if he loved you.

In my opinion he thinks you are still in love/haven't come over your ex

But before anything you should ask your self and deep into your heart and see if you have feelings for him

[Boisdevie]

Look, unless you are really young why don't you spend time together and then get physical - you know, like kissing etc. Then you'll know.

[Neuro]

That's what we are doing...we're spending time together. We are both in our late 20s.... I am just trying to figure out if there's interest. I guess there are no easy answers... : )

[Boisdevie]

That's what we are doing...we're spending time together. We are both in our late 20s.... I am just trying to figure out if there's interest. I guess there are no easy answers... : )

Well try to get it on and see what happens. Surely the difference between friendship and a relationship is the whole physical side of things.

[DavidDeAnge]

Do it now so you can see if he is the right one because when you get in the 30s it will get harder to find someone as loving as him(by the looks of it)
Push the limits even further to see both of your reactions that is the only way to see if you two love each other, if it turns out it's not love then you have gotten some experience for the next time, so do it now when you can

[devonbrown]

I think he may be waiting for you to make a move. Talk to him. Ask him if he is interested. If you are interested, make a move. If you are uncomfortable with that and want to put him on the spot, tell him you like him and ask why he hasn't made a move. Whichever way you go with your conversation you will have your answer.

Good luck!

[SelflessnHumble]

That's what we are doing...we're spending time together. We are both in our late 20s.... I am just trying to figure out if there's interest. I guess there are no easy answers... : )

Actually there are easy answers: You just have to be patient.
Most people jump right into relationships giving up all they are (inside and out) then later come to find out OOPS they weren't right for each other
but then BAM she would still be "in love' with him yet be dumped her and didn't look back.

There is an interest but at this moment in time (it isn't serious and you don't know what type of interest he has for you... Could something better come along for either of you? Yes. Will either of you act on that impulse?
Maybe, maybe not. Patience. You are getting to know each other and believe me: the more you respect yourself (by not injecting sex as some sort of anchor most women seem to always do)
you could be in the making for a meaningful relationship down the line. Don't ruin it with impatience and expectations! Being apprehensive is indicative of people who don't want to get hurt.

If there is a romantic interest: Look in his eyes and tell him (without speaking) you like him: when you hug him breathe on his neck. Initiate contact
(like extending out your hand which tells him to hold it instinctively) If he doesn't reciprocate he could either be a virgin, inexperienced or: he just isn't that into you.

[Allegedly Dave]

Unless he's gay, I guarantee he thinks of you in a romantic way. Reading into girls can be a mistake because they're tougher to read, but trust me... guys are much less complex. It's clear he's into you but hesitant to make a move... maybe hold his hand the next time you two see a movie or even go right in and kiss him. Oftentimes all the guy needs is a green light, so make it obvious that you like him too!

[Neuro]

We went to see a show last Sunday. The show cost $200, which he paid for and refused to take money from me. We had a great time together. There was some minimal physical contact (elbows touching, knees touching, his whispering in my ear about the show)... He even agreed to put some of his stuff into my purse. !!! We had a wonderful time overall. He even inquired about my plans for the next few years...If I was planning to stick around and what my plans with school and work were....... After the show, as I was about to drop him off, he asks me what happened with my ex. Mind you, we have been hanging out EVERY weekend since November, and only now does he ask me what happened. I told him, but I used this opportunity to find out if he is hanging out with my ex, too. So I asked if he had the chance to ask the ex what happened between us. He said he did and that the ex said the same thing and that the two of them hung out the night before.............. .... I had no idea how to react, except be in shock. I made sure he didn't notice I was in shock and ended the date nicely by thanking him for the show. Now I am totally confused about this guy. Is he interested??? If not, what type of friend insists on paying every time... and on hanging out every weekend...AND nye? And the day after nye????

Why was he hanging out with my ex the night before? Why did he never ask what happened between us before, except when he had hung out with my ex? Why did he ask me after he asked my ex? And if he had gotten answers from my ex, why ask me again?

I chose to take a step back. I told him I was not going to go out next weekend when he asked me and that I would be busy for a while. I think he knows whats up since he is randomly texting me every day, and he was never a texter before... I am not giving him the cold shoulder but I am holding back. I am confused. He is single, I am single. We hang out every weekend... he pays for everything. But he hangs out with my ex the night before he sees me... and tells me about it... I know I cannot control who he hangs out with...but I can control who I hang out with. Why did he ask the ex first what happened? Why couldn't he ask me first? We spent NYE together... I mean, really? I really cannot figure this guy out...........

[Neuro]

... a little help, please.... : )

[vashti]

Why don't you just tell him you are confused about what he wants from you?

[Neuro]

I thought about it. I guess I am afraid that I may lose him completely... even as a friend....

[SelflessnHumble]

We went to see a show that he paid $200 for.
There was some minimal physical contact (elbows touching, knees touching, his whispering in my ear about the show)... He even agreed to put some of his stuff into my purse. !!! We had a wonderful time overall.[

Usually, dropping $200 on tickets denotes major interest BUT now I'm confused!
See, elbows touching mean nothing, knees touching means nothing, whispering in ears is done at every show
between friends so that means nothing. Him putting his things in your purse means nothing.

Then we get to this part:

He even inquired about my plans for the next few years...
If I was planning to stick around and what my plans with school and work were.......

Usually I would think he is gauging how your futures will interact with one another BUT then we get to this:

RED FLAG
(1) After the show, as I was about to drop him off, he asks me what happened with my ex.
He said he did and that the ex said the same thing and that the two of them hung out the night before.............. .... I had no idea how to react, except be in shock.

(2) Why was he hanging out with my ex the night before? Why did he never ask what happened between us before, except when he had hung out with my ex? Why did he ask me after he asked my ex? And if he had gotten answers from my ex, why ask me again?

(1) Asking about your ex (when he had spoken to him about what had happened the night before is interesting to me.
Now, since I don't know this guy (which doesn't matter much anyway) his intent is beginning to surface...The red flag thing I mentioned could mean many things. You tell me which one makes the most sense k?

-He is paying because that is what he feels he should do and is genuinely interested in you.
-He only asked because he wants to see if the stories add up for himself.
-He asked because he could be hanging out with you for your ex's own motives (unlikely but possible)
-Your ex could have told him something he didn't like and questioned you the next time he saw you for clarification.
-He is gay or vastly inexperienced with women.

What you did in your past is your past. Him bringing it up usually denotes jealousy and controlling behavior you haven't yet seen because of your status.

I chose to take a step back. I told him I was not going to go out next weekend when he asked me and that I would be busy for a while. I think he knows whats up since he is randomly texting me every day, and he was never a texter before... I am not giving him the cold shoulder but I am holding back. I am confused. He is single, I am single. We hang out every weekend... he pays for everything. But he hangs out with my ex the night before he sees me... and tells me about it... I know I cannot control who he hangs out with...but I can control who I hang out with. Why did he ask the ex first what happened? Why couldn't he ask me first? We spent NYE together... I mean, really? I really cannot figure this guy out...........

I thought about it. I guess I am afraid that I may lose him completely... even as a friend....

(1) Being apprehensive is quite normal. The texting isn't some unsolved mystery. When someone is avoided
the other person will go through any means to get in touch with you: texting is a passive aggressive way of
dealing with issues people sometimes cannot do in person...

The fact he told you seems to indicate he is either naively stupid OR he didn't think much of it when
telling you because that is what honest people do: they tell the truth not thinking in devious ways as your mind
may have done (hence the shock) -which I still don't get?-

(2) Trying to figure out people will yield disappointment beyond your wildest dreams! Stop doing this.
When you assume you make an ass out of u and me (ass-u-me) lol, right?
So the only way to know for sure is to sit him down and calmly but assertively call him out. Your goal is to find out:

-Any girls he finds attractive/likes (serious not playful flirting)
-Why did you two spend NYE together?
-With each new weekend that passes both of you by...why does he like hanging out with you?
-Is he physically attracted to you?
-If he is, why doesn't he affirm his affection for you (by showing you?)

You are confused because you don't speak up.
You can eliminate all doubt/confusion by addressing the above. Even if you have to spell it out for him.

(3) You say you are afraid you will lose him completely? K. Listen up...
You cannot control how people are, how they react and how they "feel."
You can only control what you are able to control: YOU, your thoughts, your actions and your emotions.
This is an issue that everyone has happen to them. You think he is sending mixed signals but he hasn't
affirmed nor reciprocated ANY sort of physical attraction/affection. You're confused because you expect
something you aren't getting from him.

You will have to make decisions based on what is best for YOU, not for other people. This isn't selfish. It
is appreciating who you are and knowing what you want. If someone doesn't fit the bill? You move on.
This doesn't mean you ignore him, no. If means you lay your cards on the table and no matter what you
stick to your guns.

It is obvious you like him.
It isn't obvious that he likes you.
What better way of finding out than to ask him?
Some guys are pretty dense and ignorant when it comes to *signs* and even more guys
need it spelled out on a chalk board to take notice a girl likes them (this is due to inexperience)

Last, it is entirely possible that Dave is right...He may be gay and that he likes very much as a friend.
By now he should be hugging you intimately, heavy petting, flirting should be in abundance: affection.
Something is wrong. Confront him (not via arguing) but face your issues and share them with him.
What he says will reveal everything.

[Neuro]

Wow - thanks so much for all of that. I will try to address as much as I can.

I am not sure why he asked me what happened with my ex before telling me that he hung out with him the night before. I am not even sure which one of the two initiated hanging out. I do have a feeling that it may have been the jealous ex still trying to control the situation with me. He keeps contacting my guy to hang out with him all the time. If it was the ex's initiative to hang out, that's a different story, but still doesn't explain why my guy agreed to see him and go out. And I just don't appreciate that two guys got together to hang out and talked about me - those two guys are my ex and the dude I happen to be interested it. Whether it is my ex still trying to claim his territory or this guy I'm interested in trying to figure out what happened, I don't know. I just know that I don't like it.

Whether there is interest on his end I am beginning to doubt. I mean, let's be real here... we hung out a few weekends and spent NYE together. Does that really demonstrate interest?? He hanging out with my ex...does that indicate interest? He needs at least four days to respond to my emails.

And the texting...whatever, everyone texts. People text out of boredom. And yes, he did call me "amazing" on a couple of occasions....but really, if this guy is this difficult to read at this point, I don't even want to get into all the communication problems we may have in the future if this ever goes anywhere.

[xxazurexx]

Didn't read all the thread, just skimmed it, but I reckon if he was interested in more, he'd have made it known long before now.

But in order to know, I'd make the move and because I'd pissed off in your situation and I'd have to know either way. I'd just tell him what I was thinking/feeling.