I am lost with no direction

[oldskool83]

Hi people,

I new here and hope i'm posting in the right section. I am 27 years old divorced male in 2007 or 8 i foget. My problem is not that. in 2009 my neigbors set me up with the woman who i fell very hard for. Shes was beutiful 34 year old, now 36 since we been together almost 2 years. We live together, opened a bisnuess in my home (we consider it ours). We do everything together, like couples we've has our battles, worked them out over the summer. well 1 week ago somthing started to happned which was very odd. my love started to be on the phone every night. shes got a bunch of friends that all at once seemed to be going thru woman problems so i thought ok no big deal. after a few days i noticed she was talking differently 1 this 1 guy who is out mechanic. turns out i started hearing things and led to red flags. it only took me about 3 days after i heard some very bad red flags that i find out last night somthing is going on with him.

here for the last 3 weeks shes been on about 6 dates with him. they have been sleeping together also i found out. now before i freaked i wanted to try and understand somthing. 1st my girlfriend said she thought i was giving signs i didnt want to be in a realtionship with her anymore. 2nd this guy she known since highschool and knew he wsa in an abusive on and off again relationship. 3rd months before my g/f got some concert tickets which i was not going to go and a best friend bailed and she was just ask him as a last resort but he bailed also because of a bad g/f. i guess he took the invite as somthing different and started crushing on her bad. i did find out my g/f always had a thing for him growing up but never acted on it. about 3 weeks ago he must of been upset and asking advice for his relathionship and my g/f so they went out to eat which is where the lie started. i was told she wsa going with her g/f out to eat. i guess she met with him after that little and i got my next lie on superbowl sunder when i was left alone and worried she never cae home from her friends. i never suspected anything until saturday the 5th.

on the 4th we went out to eat and somone needed to be driven home from a bar so she got them, that was not him nor was that a lie. but when she came home she was saying she is depressed and just wanted to die and how worthless she is. well that sparked me eye, also her friends also. the next day she had said i just need a few days maybe to feel better. we hadnt had sex either for like 2 weeks although i was tring. she had said maybe she wsa going thru a dry spell and if she didnt feel better in a few days would go talk to the doctor about it. i know she was upset and the mechanic did call so she talked for 4hours...she thought i was asleep but i had the door open. i only heard genral chit chat but 3 things stood out. 1st about his daughter wanting to see a movie my g/f wanted to and she said yeah we'd have to see that if she likes it. now i thought eh thats harmless. like i wanna see a kiddy movie. maybe an hour or so later i started to here her say well im not asuming anything. it got a little fishier. but again she does say that from time to time to ppl and i knew if shes depressed she just wanted to talk and let her mind go.

well 4 hours later when the call was ended she said ok ill think of u. BINGO! my true red flag. i went right down and said whats wrong and why u on the phone with chris alot lately. i got my answer, it was true he was having relation probs.

monday night i herd them on the phone and i hear about her saying having somthing 3 times and pounching and she was saying she was not gonna be working friday. i went right out and made her get off the phone and we went to bed.

well i got sick monday, head cold, she wanted me to stay home and hang with her all day. i did and we talked and laughed and planned stuff. tuesday i had a great day at work come home and said i just feel somthings wrong, i dont know what but i thing i know what it is. so i told her what i think i thought it was and she said yes...its all 100% true. so we sat down and talked, she was suprized i didnt kill or hurt her. i told her i just need this to stop. i know ppl get wrong ideas and once somthing happens its harder and harder to ger outta it. ive been there, but not like this.

we talked for hours, she never did such a thing before, and we started going over things. shes very upset with herself and keeps saying i wanna get a bullet. now im tyring to rationalize this. i have felt since day 1 of meeting her and she felt the same were were life love partners. i want her to stay around, we are talking tonight after she attends a furnial for 2 friends that got killed in a drunk driving accident...yeah like i needed that also. im trying to be the strong one right now when i know i have every right to be the week one. i have always taken care of her unlike any man before and she knows it, no one will ever do anything what ive done. shes appologized and said she wants to tell him also. which she did because he didnt know we were living together as b/f and g/f. he told her to tell me is was sorry and he apologizes.

this is all i know at the current moment, but we are going to talk tonight more and i want to iron things out. at one point i almost cheated on her she caught me talking to a girl that really wanted my attenion but after she found out i ended it right there.

i am not sure what advice i am looking for, im not your normal guy either, being divorced at age 23 ive had alot of pain early on in my life and i want to understand and realize the route cause...which we didnt find out, she thought i wanted to end out relationship and was confused about my signals vs my actions. its a valid answer i feel. shes been on the up and up with me 100% now and said she loves me.

ive writen my thoughts an questions down to ask, kinda like a speach and see what we can agree upon, so far we are agreeing about everything it seems.

please dont anyone just post in here DUMP THE BITCH, this is a real true love and not some street whore. this is a wonder woman who has been to alot of bad in her life and ive been there to turn her entire life around it seems. we handle each other well and even last night i made her some tea held her and said everything will be ok.

i guess im looking for good crittizum from people who this may have happened to and im looking for the positives, not the negatives...i know the negatives........

sorry its to long and thanks...PS we are not telling anything other then the involved people. me and her dont want dramma from friends, we been thru that before with somthing that nearly tore us appart over nothing...but i worked and proved to her i am dedicated to loving her for life. I forgaver her and she forgave me, i feel it will start a good talking process which is what we need to betogther and connect.

[oldskool83]

just wanted to bump this because i am looking for thoughts. she got home late from the fruneral last night as was very upset by the death of a friend and not having closure while looking at a creamation casket. she came and sat with me, i listed to her because i know its what she needed, we hugged and then maybe 30 mins later she asked to go to bed and if id cover her up. she just kept saying thank you all night. i was very glad she came home and she just said thank you in her quiet shy voice, the sinceer voice i know is nothing but the truth. we are going to talk tonight and she did say she was sorry we didnt get a chance to talk last night but with the 2 death on top of this its just mentaly exhausting. im glad we are comunicating. i did say what if it was me, that died in a stupid accident that didnt need to take place...she came right out and said she would be devistated to no end. i tucked her in bed, hugged her, she motioned to kiss me so i did and i said i love you, in return she said it also in the same true voice. i kissed her on the forhead and said if you need anything or wake up even at 4am just wake me up if you need to talk.

if anyone can see thru my words i hope they see i feel there is hope, its gonna be ok, shes very amazed i havent yelled or hurt her yet. i said im just following my heart on this one, not my mind, hearts wont play games but minds will. i love this woman very much and will do what ever i need to in my power to correct a situation discuss and learn. im talking to me best female friend also, she does not know what all happened but shes realized im upset with somthing and she knows how lucky my girlfriend is to have me. my girlfriend belives my best friend who is a girl has a thing for me and i told her that last night, i said even if you do which you dont need to tell me its fine. she just said will if i do im not going to act on it because i know how much you love your girlfriend.

im glad someone is there for support for me even through no one knows what happened and i feel its best to keep it that way. i am looking forward to our talk tonight im going to have with my girlfriend. i feel if she had resentment or hate or no feelings towards me she would not be here, she would not come home or come clean. Right now the person who should be falling appart is me, but im being very strong. i told her that last night, i belive its really making a loud statement to her like OMG this guy can forgive me and forgive himself and still love me. my girlfriend on the other hand is kinda frazzled. i can see it and i can see this is nothing like she ever way, i know people that known of her for years before me and shes never been like this. so i belive the truth is showing and once stepping back from the situation shes seen OMG what did i do. she told me she feels like damaged goods, even said the 1st night i dont want to touch her cuz she discusting. i showed her shes loved and cared about, comforted her i see shes comming around. friday shes getting half of a 50 min massage i got for her back in september. i know if she wanted nothing to do with anything of me shed just forget and throw crap away. i come home last night and the laundry was started and some switched around, not somthing i would expect from somthing who does not love you, and it was not just her laundry it wsa mine too.

anyone got thoughts, i dont want to counsel myself here.

i will say i do feel hurt, misslead and alone. i do not thing i am going to tell her this because i dont want to saying things that could look like im starting a fault line and keeping score. i dont feel its going to do anything hinting at the fualts because why do i feel that way...because its your fault. see how it comes out and starts to sound judgemental. i need to proactive and look at the positive unlike everyone looking at the fualts, we all know the fualts when this stuff happens, the 1st night we agreed and got to the route cause of why this started, and she was happy to say well im glad we agree that this all started with a very big misunderstanding about who each of us was feeling in our relationship.

we got a foundation started, its just working up. i could be a dick, but i dont wanna be, i wanna be a nice person and be the person she fell in love with along time ago because of how i was, not who i was. Last night i also just came out and said to her i feel i have some codependancy traits with her. i can never sleep when shes not home. she came right out and said thats why you dont sleep when im not home and i understand that. next i told her she is my foundation for living and getting up each day because with out that and her i could end up being that guy walking to walmart trying to bum a ride...her nexts words where softly, i know. at times ive teared up and started to dry and i know she hates when i get emotional but she said aaron dont cry. i see and feel some changes.

maybe i have to try and win her heart back over, not totaly sure but ill know what ill need to do once we talk this evening after work, i do feel its gonna be a long stright and to the point talk. i am just this because i feel shes is my soul mate, she understands me and i understand her like no one else. also we both agree we are in out longest relationship since out nasty divorces, we belive thats telling us out answer, if all our other ones were around 1-3 months and we got 2 years somthing is going right.

[oldskool83]

We got to talking and I had written down my thoughts on how I wanted to present them on Tuesday, well I had them on the counter in the kitchen upside down, she puts the mail there everyday and didn’t realize what it was until she turned it up. I told her I had more thoughts I wanted to present but since we talked I just thru them away when she went to walmart. That’s when she told me she read them and I was like huh? I asked what did you think and she said that’s unlike anything ive ever seen before and its very deep from the core. She said its incredible what I wrote down on how I wanted to present it. I did one yesterday and I then asked if she wanted to read it which she did in front of me. The expressions on her face and eyes were so true. I could see how much she realized I ment to her and the pain of living with out her would throw on me. She said a lot of what I told her before running to walmart was settling in and the extra stuff she read was also sinking in. she felt we lost touch. I told her I need to be more like I was early on with her, pretty much all over her. I said all the things we talked about yesterday that I miss sex and I miss making out, and I felt ive been declined the right to have a kiss that lasts longer then a peck. i said its not fair.

I slept better, got 4.5 hours. I woke up at 4:50am feeling so sick and tightness in my chest. I was having a panic attach, I got too loud she herd it and was sleeping on the soft and yelled and ran up to the bedroom, got me calmed down and then slept in the bed until my alarm went off at 5:50am. She held me and said she would pay if I wanted to go to the doctor and try and get on some meds to calm me down. I don’t know what to do about that so id like to talk to that with you also. Im not sure im ok with handling lifes stresses anymore. It could be nothing but it’s the 3nd one ive had. Pain in chest, lips numb, crying and all outta breath. 1st one was while in my divorce I was alone. 2nd one one the day after april flipped out on me last summer, I felt alone, she came home found me in the bathroom…I never heard her walk in. 3rd one was last night and again it was due to a high stress talk, sparked by a dream or me seeing flashes of her face in front of me like when you see images of your life before death. 2nd time in my life ive see something like that. She is going to be home when I get home from work, I asked. The fact she not running away to me is a sign. I feel she a little lost in her thoughts, but I said the mind and heart don’t always think a like. Minds play games, hearts don’t. this morning I gave her a hug, she motioned for a kiss again. Her foot came outta the covers and she put it up, I knew she wanted it rubbed so I did, and I kissed it also. I never kissed anyone feet before. After I was done she motioned for more.

Last night before bed I came right out and asked if she loved me. She does, but I do not feel its as much as I love her. Which is fine because if one felt pulled away I can understand it. I kept me emotions down pretty much the entire time I presented what I wanted to. At one point it got the best of me, but I didn’t loose it. She saw 1 tear run down each side of my face and said please don’t cry in her honest caring voice. She don’t like when I cry but said it proves a lot how ive handled myself with what she wanted to talk about. I told her being with out her is not an option and she is just not thinking correctly and will regete it later im sure of. She agreed. Since we been together I can say any hard times we have had has allowed us to be able to communicate calmer with no yelling. She use to skate around issues but now is learning its better to bring it up right away and work it out. Im getting my hair cut tonight, she is going to make me look handsum again she said. Everyone loved that hair cut so ill accept it even thought I like long hair but I guess I look like a bum. Least the showe don’t clog up now from me washing it.

I didn’t wanna pressure her too much and pry for answer for anything. I let her just tell me whats up. My concerns are stated and my approcae to handle and solve them is presented also. I said id rather spend a bad day with her then a good day with someone else. I know at the end of that bad day we can comfort each other. Im tempted to write more thoughts down and present them but not sure. Ive said I wan her for my valentine on Monday and would like to tell her what I had planned. I see the wheel going in her mind about me, she knows there is no one better out there then me, she loves the house and what we did to it. She likes coming home and feels safe there and safe with me. Ive asked if shes felt like this why she kept doing as everything wsa fine. She said because it was the right thing to do. We also talked about the diamond necklace. I asked if that it what started this and made her feel funny, if I went too far. She said shes not into jewelry very much but its very nice and she loves it. It goes well with nice things. I got it because I told her I wanted her to have something from me which showed you how I felt. The same thing with the ring I told her about. She said what did I want to use it as and I said just a nice gift, something u could wear on your finger just so when you were out if people looked they saw something was on that finger and someone ment something to you. She had said that’s why the engaument ring would be more for and I agreed to a point. I will not be buying the ring since shes just no into them. Reason ive only seen 1 on 1 finger in almost 2 years. Ive stated she is why I come home everyday after work, I want to come home to her and be with her. Ive stated she good a planning the fun cool things to do and im good at the romatic stuff. I told her about over the summer the girl I was speaking to because she caught me in lie when I said it was someone else. She had a feeling I was starting to seek out affection because I was shut out for 3 month. She didn’t blame me. But the night she read the text I then texted the girl and said I am with my g/f and we never spoke again. I was getting feelings for the other girl and realized this is not right. Part of me feels we’ve been no different then other people, facing something and working thru it. We always get thru it and I feel that why we are right for each other. Ive asked her to make the right choice and said I feel you will baised upon the info ive given. I told her I cant be with out her, im codepent with her, I need her around, I cannot be lost in the world with no direction. Not being with her is not an option for me. There is only 1 way outta this life and it is with her. I can accept the fact if one of us die and we were together but I cant accept the fact if one would leave and be alone.

Possibly I am sick in the head, I do not know. I feel an amount of love and yearning design for this woman. I meet the woman of my dreams and ever way shape and form. Ive told her I don’t want anyone else to have her, only me, she needs to be mine and be true with me. My parents know she means so much to me. They don’t understand it but im deeply in love, no lust here. Waiting for answers is whats hard, Ive said I don’t care if I have to win you over I will, I can do it and prove my drying love for her. I don’t feel I can look at anyone the way ive looked at her, she is the most beautiful woman in the world to me. :\

[Darkest Heaven]

Your first post says she's a wonder woman and a true love.

She cheated on you. How wonderful is she?

[oldskool83]

i know man, she dont love me, i can tell it. theres nothing there in there but feeling bad for me i think...i asked her to stop wit the guy and her on the phone again with him. i herd her say i love you at the end of the call...3 weeks and ya love somone.....dang