Girlfriend is married, wants divorce, but can't afford one

[PerfectHair]

My girlfriend is still married, but separated (not a legal separation) from her husband. They've been separated for about a year and do not have children together. Their problems began when he cheated on her about two years ago. This past year she left him and moved out of state with only a few pieces of luggage to live with her mother. He is in the Navy and as they moved around so much she's never had a career of her own. She was (is) *dependent on him financially. She has no control over their finances at all. He has blocked or removed her from all bank accounts or credit cards. She has no access to money other than a meager stipend he metes out to her once a week, one which she has to practically beg him for. She wants a divorce but cannot afford to file. He has agreed to pay for it, but then he flip flops and says he wants her back. She does not want to go back to him. About six months ago she moved in with me. He knows that she no longer lives with her mother, but does not know about me, and she is afraid to tell him. She thinks he will destroy all of the belongings she left behind. I feel terrible that I am involved with a married woman and am eager for the divorce process to begin. I really want her to tell him about me so we are not running around behind his back, but i don't want any of her stuff to be ruined. This situation is a lot more complicated than I am able to effectively communicate. I just don't know what to do. She is here with me with no money and no job. I pay for her car insurance and phone. She regularly breaks down in tears because she misses her things and does not know whats going on or how to handle the situation. She doesn't know what to do. She is powerless, basically just waiting for him to press the go button on the divorce. She has contemplated going back because it would just be easier, but says she cant leave me.*I don't know what to do. I guess I'm asking for some advice. Has anyone been in a similar situation *or anything remotely similar, that can help?*

[curly1118]

Well I'll be straight up and tell you she needs to find a job. Yeah, her ex is a douchebag for cheating on her but by rights he shouldn't have to give her anything. Her telling him about you would probably put a 100% stop to those funds she is getting. She should not be using you to pay for her car insurance and what have you. Just doesn't sound right to me.

I guess all you can do if you wanna stay with a married woman who is separated from her husband is tell her to get a God damn job so she can pay for the divorce herself if her husband is refusing.

[vertical_sky]

Yes, I'm a little confused as to why it's so difficult for her to, ya know... get a job. No, she won't be making $30,000/year all of a sudden after having no career (and I'm assuming no education?) But if she finished high school, minimum wage IS a place to start. It can at least cover some basics (if she's living with you) and she can tuck the rest away.

... What is really confusing me though is how can she not afford it? Did she bring property or a dowry or something to the marriage and cannot get the funds to hire a proper divorce attorney to fight for them? If they have no children then she doesn't need to fight a court battle for custody. And if she and her husband lived in certain states, the law might actually automatically guarantee her 50% of their belongings. So what exactly does she/you mean when she says she can't afford it??