LADIES! Please help me figure out the mind games he's playing

[Astsbury_girl]

I've been seeing this guy for over a year. I met him online (his profile is still active on that site btw). Everything was beautiful until the year mark. He grew rather distant and his daily calls turned into weekly calls and even less than that. Our visits went from weekly to monthly.

I was madly in love with him, but I knew from the beginning that he was possibly emotionally unavailable. However, he said that he loved me.

His reasoning for cooling things down and "taking a break" in November was that I was too emotional and that he couldn't keep up with me. I don't consider myself needy at all. I'm a confident woman normally and usually am the one capable of giving advice, and not having to ask for it. I was just very comfortable with him and showed it. I'm very demonstrative. I give gifts and massages (he did not reciprocate) and lots of sex. I felt I was the perfect girlfriend. During the last few months, he has avoided answering questions, such as where I stand. After 3+ months, I felt he could at least answer that. He didn't keep in touch very often, either.

He DOES have a lot on his plate and is busy at work.

When I would ask questions, he would actually punish me by saying that he wouldn't answer because I've always ask. However, when we last talked, he was nice to me, but informed me he wanted to break up and not be "on a break" and be friends and told me he's said that several times. (He hasn't told me that prior and that was part of the info I was trying to get from him via my questions.) Why did he keep that important piece of info from me?

He also said that he doesn't want a relationship until next year, if that. But if the friendship works out, he'll consider more after the first of the year. However, if I want to date other men, I should go ahead, since he feels we aren't a good match emotionally. And if he finds another woman in the interim, I'm to embrace that or I'm not a supportive friend.

We had sex a few weeks ago in an attempt for me to try the friends with benefits thing, which I don't like at all, but I wanted to try it for him. He's always said I was the best he's ever had, but last night he said he's not sure he ever wants to have sex with me again....he might just want friends only...sex would cloud things.....which threw me completely....and it hurt......I left the conversation with more than I thought I would and I was shocked. He maintains that he's doing all this for my benefit.

My question is....and I hate to ask it cause I know I should leave the situation, but should I just go with it and be friends and grin and bear it...maybe I'm expecting too much from him.....he's dangled the tiny prospect of us having a second chance....I want to say...he IS a good guy...but he has never admitted fault since I've known him, and when I compliment him daily, Ive asked him in the past to give me a compliment once in awhile, he refuses. He's a Leo and acts very much the king....I'm a Taurus. In the past week or so, he's given me the cold shoulder, but then denies it. I've never had anyone do this to me before. ....Thank you for reading............

[Euro]

Dear me girl, This guy is playing serious games with you. Dangling the hope of another relationship in front of you and then smashing it down? Making you do the "friends with benefits" thing? It seems to me that you were a good girlfriend, its him who is the game player here. Henever gave back what you did for him. Not giving you complements, giving you cold shoulders ... there is no way he is doing this for your benefit.
I have been with someone just like your man, and the best advice I can offer is that, no matter if you love him or not, cut him from your life, or only keep conversations to the internet if you must talk. He has you on a string like a puppet, and he knows he can play you.
Why spend time with someone who treats you so bad, when you can find someone who loves you with whom you can have a loving relationship?

I hope it works out for you
x

[Astsbury_girl]

I appreciate your feedback very much! Thank you.....I know you're right...it's just having the strength to cut him out. xoxo

[sweetkissesforu]

I appreciate your feedback very much! Thank you.....I know you're right...it's just having the strength to cut him out. xoxo

bet once you do he will come running and hear that door slam welllll that is you

[gigigi4]

yeah, i agree, you need to cut him out of your life. you were open to him and showed him your vulnerability (totally normal good thing to do in a relationship), and he manipulated that and used it against you to try to make you out to be needy or whatever and mess with your head. he doesn't sound like a good person to me, either as a bf or a friend.

[addisonshinedow]

ok, I'm starting this off by stating that I'm a guy, and shouldn't even be on this part of the forum, but your question caught my eye. He's messing with you. Honestly, though it will be hurtful to hear, If he's doing this, he never loved you. I know many guys who act like thin, because they're only in it for sex. I HATE guys who do this. It turns girls into the steriotypical untrusting people they become, all because there's so many guys who are NEVER emotionally in a relationship. Honestly, I hope guys like that all die unhappy and alone. It's been said that a person isn't truly happy or fulfilled by making themselves happy, but by making other people happy. I am in love with the girl I want to be together with forever, and the feeling is returned, but it took forever to win her trust after her idiot ex boyfriend so cruelly left her. His excuse? Her parents are annoying. I happen to love her parents, though her dad can be threatening, or scary, but I definitely love her parents. Back to my rant, your best bet is to forget this jerk, and try to find someone who appreciates you, and isn't afraid to speak his mind.I told her off the bat, I will not say I love you unless I REALLY mean it, not in the first few months, when I'm getting to know you. I also made it very clear as to what I want... A lasting relationship with trust, care, and No premarrital sex (just a choice, although I suggest it) Idk, but hope this helps. Forget this guy. The right person will come along, when you least expect it.

[bloodtippedrose]

Don't make excuses for him. If a guy likes you and wants to be with you then there will be nothing that can get in the way of his chase. He is taking advantage of you. People are going to treat you like you let them treat you and right now you're letting yourself be treated like crap. Cut your losses at one year and find someone else.

[ladyluna85]

Move on...flirt with his friends and stop loving him...if he gets serious, and stops the mind games it means he was confuse and he loves u back...if he keeps playing my games after that it means he is not sure and mighr need u as a booty call...when a man doesnt want u...u cant fix that with sex...sex doesnt fix all problems...oh gosh! The thinks we do when we feel in love...good luck