please give me advice :(

[mslulu89]

Hello guys,

I have been down in the dumps for a while now, and fortunately, I found this website. Is it always good to talk to someone and be shared experience or advice?

Me and my boyfriend have been with each other for 17 months. He is English, he came to Vietnam 2 years ago. We luckily found each other and fell in love. But it has been always hard to maintain a relationship because we come from 2 different cultures, it's okie for him to do something, but it isnt for me and vice versa. We have had lots of arguments, somtimes both of us felt like giving up, but true love pulled us back together. We have traveled around with each other, shared happiness as well as sadness, been there when one of two have problems.We've made lots of plans for the future and I never forget how lucky i am to have him around.

However, a month ago, I lied to him and saw a guy behind his back once. We just drank in a bar for half and hour and then i never see him again. The reason I decided to meet that guy because my boyfriend was cold to me at the moment, he neglected me and he made me feel that he didnt love me anymore. I was so disappointed. I know i cant use it as an excuse for what I have done, but honestly, i couldnt stand the way he treated me at that time. He found out what i had done, he wanted to break up with me. I was so miserable, because deeply i loved him and i never wanted to let him go. I found so many ways to contact him. He ignored my calls and texts. I told myself that it was a hopeless situation and then i should really move on. If he had loved me truthfully as he always said, he would have forgiven me. Once again, i couldnt stand the fact that i was losing him, I decided to jump in his house and talked to him. He wanted me back. But since then, he has been acting so strange, he doesnt care about anything, he never calls me like he is used to do before, his texts are always strange and theres no emotions in them. He confessed that he was being confused a lot because its time for him to leave Vietnam for England. He had to do lots of things which he wanted to carry them out in England. He missed his friends and family. Before, he always told me how excited he was when he thought about taking me to England and living with each other. But now, he is confused. He told me that ' one part of him wanting me and him to go out, have fun, experience life,shouldnt be in a relationship, one part of him always reminds him how much he loved me and he didnt want to leave me alone because he knew that he would regret about his decision. '. He didnt know what he really wanted. We have been preparing lots of stuff for me to move to England with him, i have been studying hard to take an Ielts test so that i could apply for an university in Uk. But his attitude recently has scared me a lot. He isnt keen at all. It seems like just only putting efforts in this relationship. This morning, we talked about it, and he told me that he thought that we might be very young to jump in this relationship. So young people shouldnt have girlfriends or boyfriends? Because it would cause you pain in the future? It made me realise that, actually he didnt love me as much as he always said, he just wanted to be nice to me, he needed someone to be around him when he's in Vietnam, and now he is going to leave, he doesnt give a shit anymore. Before, he always wanted to hold me back when i said goodbye to him. And now, its always his turn to want to break up with me without hesitating ( because he thinks ' well, im gonna leave vietnam, so just **** her ). I asked him why he hadnt said that ' we shouldnt jump in something serious like this? ' before? When i wanted to break up with him, why didnt he just say okie? If so, everything would be okie now and i dont have to feel like shit at the moment. He said that before he just wanted to enjoy his life without worrying about anything, and now the day he must leave is coming up soon, and he has thought about what it would be like when i moved to england with him, saw each other 24/7? He totally has no ideas what he merits to do. Looking back a few weeks ago, the reason he wanted me back because he knew exactly what he wanted, it was me. And now...what the hell?

I'm the one who will be left behind. He just leaves, and the memories are still here, i have to face them everyday. I love him a lot and i feel like a fool. He isnt serious, why do i need to be sad? What should i do?

[hello1]

You said he was acting cold towards you even BEFORE you met that man for a date so it seems to me his feelings have changed for ages. I say its best you just move on from him, not all relationships work and I bet he is thinking of a life without you and has lost feelings.

[bloodtippedrose]

I would feel so disrespected and hurt if my significant other saw another person behind my back. I would drop them like they're hot. You should cut your loses, learn from this and not hurt the next guy as bad as you've hurt this one. You made the bed and now you have to lie in it.

[mslulu89]

Thanks so much for your advice, but I wouldnt call it was a date, because i just met that guy only once and i never see him again. I think its time to move on tho!

[steviej]

These things happen, the relationship wasn't right and deep down you know it. You will miss him but in a short time you will come to realise it was for the best. Don't concentrate on the good things, remember all the fights, arguments and things that p1ssed you off, thats the memories you need to hold on to!

You're young yet, you will meet someone who is far more compatible that you will fall for

[xxazurexx]

So when you are going through a rough patch with a boyfriend, your solution is to go to the bar and get off with some other man??

He has lost his trust in you.

I can understand why he's coming back to England and leaving you behind.

[mslulu89]

So when you are going through a rough patch with a boyfriend, your solution is to go to the bar and get off with some other man??

He has lost his trust in you.

I can understand why he's coming back to England and leaving you behind.

No, we have been planning to go back to England together for over a year now. But recently, he has been confused because he doesnt know if he wants to stay in a serious relatopnship any longer.
I know that i was wrong but everyone has right to make mistakes. I made mistake and i absolutely want to fix it.

[T_El]

dear Lulu, first of all i dont understand how he ever could find out about u meeting other guy ( if u told him that was the stupidest thing to do!!! sry ) If u do things like that never tell it to ur BF. So at the first place he was deeply hurt and lost trust in u.....and some people can recover and recreate trust with time, but perhaps he is not one of them. And i can understand him. And believe me, when a man tells he is not sure what he wants anymore it means he is not interested ...sorry to say that, but that how things are. I think it is time to move on for both of u. I know it might hurt a lot, but it s not going anywhere anymore. Sry sry sry...

[girl68]

If he's already having doubts, it's time for you to move on. You guys are too young to be this serious.

[MsShar737]

Hi Mslulu,
I read your posting and would like to give you some advice. I read that you and your bf have been together for some time now. Whether he truly loves you, I cannot say. You and he know much more about the complexities of your relationship than we will ever know. What I can tell you is if he has his mind made up on breaking up with you because he is returning home to England, there is nothing you can do to change it at this point. And to be honest, it is likely in your best interest to not try and change it. Unfortunately, no one or nothing can show your bf how much you are worth or should mean to him if he does not see it for himself. Just because he wants to break up does not mean that he does not love you. It may mean that he has no faith in a long distance relationship that has no real commitments attached to it. As hard as it may be, you will have to go on with your life and accept his wishes. Don't plead with him about it, don't argue about it, just accept it. Only he knows his reasoning for waiting until now to tell you that he wants to break up. Don't over analyze his actions. Love Is Not Hard to Spot. It is pretty obvious, if you ask me. Only you know if his actions have truly lined up with love's definition. If they have, then this won't be the last you see of him. If they have not, then good riddance. You should be moving on to find the happiness of true love.

[Blackheart]

It going to be hard but it's best for you to move on because if he already has his mind made up it's going to be hard for you to change it. It's no point in going to england and you break up over there. That'll put you in a place by yourself and it'll break you down further. If he really loves you he wouldn't just up and leave.

[mslulu89]

how on earth people sometimes could change their feelings so quick like that? Really dsappointed ! (

[Janet82]

To be honest. You have to face the truth. I have been known some men travel to Asian countries to just "have fun", you know what I mean. I can't say your boyfriend is that type, but if he is already made up his mind you have to let it go and move on, that's the best thing for you.