Quiet and shy guys

[Archie]

Greetings representatives of the beautiful gender,

I`m a 21yo male student, i`ve had my share of adventures with the term called love, but the thing is, after so many tries at it, it`s really becoming quite demotivating to even try building relationships, especially when most of them end with the girl leaving because i`m just too awkward sometimes. That she needs someone who is not a puppet, but a man. That`s quite sad really.
The thing is, i`ve been like this ever since i can remember myself:
I`m shy to do most things, but when i set my mind to do something, i do not care what others will think of my actions, but such a scene is pretty rare.
I`m not the light of the party, i`m rarely talktive, but i have my moments.
I`m not open and don`t put much trust into just anyone who comes up to me for a chat. It takes a while for me to get used to other people.

These three points lead me to this question

"Do girls/women like the shy and quiet, or how otherwise to put it - awkward kind of guys? Or would it be better if guys like me just didn`t exist? How do you cope with this, if you ever have?"


Looking forward to your replies!

[smackie9]

Whatever you are doing, do the opposite. If you start to go back to the old way of doing things, stop yourself, and make a change. here's the deal.....if things are not working now they will never work, you have to make changes in order to get somewhere....there is no other way. Girls want confidence, strength, and someone who will take the lead. That's the way it is.

[smackie9]

So I suggest to you to take some courses on public speaking, assertive training, and do something physical to build up self confidence, like martial arts.

[smackie9]

Maybe take a few classes on how to flirt.....

[BrooklynRose80]

I had a date with a guy who was shy and the same way...suffice to say, I was NOT happy with him and he didn't treat me with respect because he was so quiet. Guys who are more aggressive and comfortable with themselves make for better dates and their confidence shows in their conversation.
I think you need more time to be comfortable with yourself - talk to more people and get the hang of how to be assertive. Women who are confident, love men who are confident and know how communicate. When you're shy, it shows your lack of experience and fear of getting close to someone.

[warriormaiden]

Girls like someone who can hold a conversation with them, captivate their interest. If you're just sitting there, waiting for her to do everything, that's not gonna help. We like men who are assertive, take the initiative, be confident about themselves and what they're about.

I feel like there's nothing wrong with being quiet, you just gotta learn the art of when to be quiet and when to not be. I'm a quiet person myself, but I have also learned that there is nothing wrong with being social and letting people get to know me. Maybe you should go out more, so you can feel more comfortable around others and with holding conversations.

There's nothing wrong with letting people see YOU and get to know who YOU are, and would like to enjoy that experience with you.

[shymaira]

it doesn't hurt to follow all the suggestions above. Girls love guys who aren't afraid to express themselves, especially with confidence. At the end of the day though, never try to change who you are by 'pretending' to be something you're not. if you take those classes out there, it will help develop or find what you already have inside of you. don't worry, eventually you will get there!!!

[cheeky&sexy]

I think u need to get to the root cause of your shyness and work on overcoming that. Also, maybe just dont even worry about girls for now and focus on building your own self confidence. And u need to let go of the rejection you've had from girls in the past, thats probably half the problem because u probably expect the same result from every girl now. There are girls that like quiet guys and think shyness is cute, so dont think u have to change the core of your personality for girls to like u. There are a lot of girls in your position so dont give up and think its a lost cause. All u need is a confidence boost.

[sookie6]

Would you date and fall in love with someone as quiet and shy as you are?

[Corgan]

The shy and quiet guys are usually the good guys. It just takes a women awhile to figure out that THATS actually what she actually want. Yes, I like them. Alot of women do. Dont worry...you'll find one.

[star_nugget]

The shy and quiet guys are usually the good guys. It just takes a women awhile to figure out that THATS actually what she actually want. Yes, I like them. Alot of women do. Dont worry...you'll find one.

^ i agree.

i can be a bit shy myself in social situations, so sometimes the shy and quiet guy is the one i feel most comfortable with, because i'm just a step above shy that will strike a conversation and also bring the shy guy out of their shell.

anyhow, it wouldn't hurt you to get to the root of your awkwardness. maybe you could be the one to meet a cute shy girl and bring HER out of her shell.

[Archie]

Wow, thank you everyone for your responses, you`ve helped alot and i appreciate it!

I`m definatly not the light of the party, but i don`t think it`s a confidence issue really. I do feel a little out of place when i`m in a larger social group, but when i`m asked something, doesn`t matter what, i don`t mutter to myself, shying away from everyone, instead i step forward and speak my mind.

I don`t reject myself, I don`t await the same reactions from every girl I meet, uuh she`s gonna leave me cos i`m quiet, etc, BS. I recover fast and since the relationships i`ve had before were never really that deep, it hasn`t scarred me mind. There are two girls on my mind that i`d wish they had given me another chance, but that`s not the issue, that is just a regret.

Sookie6 asked a really good question, "Would you date and fall in love with someone as quiet and shy as you are?" - Yes i would! Infact doesn`t even matter if the girl was even less talktive and shyer than me, as long as she`d be fine coping with my personality, that`s all that matters to me. That`s so dense - you`d say, i`d say it`s my characters preference, i enjoy the silence, it might seem out of place sometime, but if want - i can overcome it.


Still, looking forward to other opinions.

[smackie9]

Being confident and forward is like advertising......if you don't let people know who you are , they won't notice you.

[sookie6]

I think you should look for someone who is as introvert as you are. I don't think an extravert person would be make for a long term relationship with you as she would be bored and start feeling lonely.

I remember a flatmate of mine, a long time ago, who used to go out with the most beautiful but also the most painfully shy girl I'd ever met...I don't think they were a good match, he was very confident and ignored her most times he was in her company (actually I think he used her for sex)...I could see such a girl with you though...she was very sweet and romantic...just very silent and quiet...something that can annoy a certain personality type but please others...

[imagineallthe]

keep your awkward-ness but open up a bit more when you talk with girls. Don't care what they think of your ideas or views, just put them out there. It's important not to be like "all the other men", what a boring world that would be. i'm a sucker for the lone wolves