So hurt. Just need to vent.

[nacus]

My girlfriend and I had been dating since the first part of October. We broke up April 18th. I am 37 and she is 31.

When we started dating I had been out of a long term relationship for about 4 months, and she was divorced just over a year ago. We both talked about how we wanted to take it slow so we do not make any rebound mistakes, and date exclusively. The relationship grew and we were getting closer and closer, around the New Year we were together pretty much everyday, and have been since we broke up.

I felt we got along great, and she would often tell me how much she loved me, and how lucky she was that we found each other. All and I all I feel we were both extremely happy. Of course we had the normal disagreements and arguments that go with any relationship, but nothing ever kept us apart.

We spent time with each others families, all and all I really thought we had something special.

Then it all started to fall apart very quickly.

It was a Friday and called her when she was off of work to see what the plan was. She told me she was not feeling well and wanted to take the night off. We talked that night and she seemed like she might have the flu. I brought her over some soup and some medicine and she went to bed. She was sick the entire weekend, and we did talk, but to me something seemed off. She started to feel better on Sunday and went for a jog, and crashed out that night getting ready for the work week.

Then Monday, we had plans to play tennis, and she canceled about 30 minutes prior saying a friend from her work is in hair school and asked if she could come in for a cut and color that night. Tuesday we had plan to go surfing, and the weather changed so she canceled. But she did call and change her mind, but that is the one time I left my phone. Wed we had date night, so we went to dinner and a movie. The entire night felt off, and she barely kissed me goodbye. Thursday night is her work out night. She does Yoga and then Zumba. Friday I had to go out of town, and I had asked her to go with me which she normally does, but she has plans on Friday night. She was going on a moonlight hike with a local hiking group she had just joined.

That was my first real feeling something was wrong. We usually did everything together or at least we told each other what we are doing and offered the other to go. This time she did not. That weekend I tried to talk to her a few times, but she was always busy, and it just felt odd. A friend of mine got a message from her on facebook asking about something called a color party. He had never heard of one, and neither had I. He asked if she was on the road with me and said no she stayed home to go on a hike and then a fashion show. Again she never told me about the fashion show.

Then Monday came, I get back in town, and I am feeling anxiety. And I shoot her a quick note asking if everything is ok, and how her weekend was.

She wrote back saying that we are breaking up. She said that I work to much and it makes her feel bad. (To be honest I do work a lot, but I always made time for us.) She also said that me always asking about her neighbor made her feel bad and that I was to negative about it. The story on the nieghbor was he was basically stalking her. He would call and text her all day even though she had asked him to stop. He would knock on her door asking for a spare key, even though she does not have one. She called the cops on him, and then her car kept getting vandalized. I was very worried about her, and yes I would ask about him a lot. But mostly because she would tell me new stories about what he did everyday.

So anyway we break up. I sent tired to call her and she would not answer. So I sent her a email staying that I loved her, and that I hope we can talk and try to work through it all and get back on track.

I did not contact her after that thinking she needed her space, and that we would talk sometime this week. (I knew we both had events planned for the last few weekends). I thought a month would be good. Plenty of time to think about it, and I would not be bothering her or needy.

So last week she sent my friend a message on Facebook asking where to rent surf boards as she and a girlfriend from work wanted to go, and since I had no interest in being friends she did not want to ask me. On the friends front, I will take responsibility for that. In her break up letter she said I hope we can still be friends. And I was very honest with and said, no, sorry we can not, at least not at this time because I still love you and I am not ready to just be friends.

So he gets back to her and tells her a few spots to get boards from. Then last Friday she changes her relationship status to engaged!! My buddy called and told me. I was devastated and honestly still am.

We have been broken up less than a month and she is now engaged. Not only am I broken hearted, but I am worried about her.

I did what most of us would do and check out the guy on FB. He is young only 24. A smoker and drinker. And looks more like a party kind of guy. It just does not add up. She is ultra health conscious, hates smoking, and does not drink a drop.

There was also a bit of wierdness on her FB page. First they have only been FB friends since May 4th. They have no photos of each other on either page. Not one photo of them together. And she deleted the wall post saying She is now Engaged to So and So. It was up for over a day, and lots of comments like congrats, etc from long distance friends. A few closer friends said things like WTF? What are you talking about? And not one post from close friends or family. It all is so strange.

I tried to contact her trying to be as upbeat as possible. I told her congrats on the engagement. And that I had wished we would have had a chance to talk, even if we were not to get back together but to at least have the chance to have said proper goodbyes. And she never did reply.

I would love to be able to talk to her, first I truly love her, and wish it would be different. And second to make sure she is ok, this is so not like her.

Like I said I am completely devastated by this, as I really thought we would be back together, and that we really had a future.

Anyway it feels good to get it out in the open, just had to vent

[confusius]

I feel your pain friend. Just forget about her and move on. I know it's not hard because I'm living the same thing right now, but it gets better with time. I'm still hurt but not like before. Give yourself some time to heal. You made a good decision by letting her know that you were not ready for a friendship. They always expect us to go from been the bf/gf to friend just like we have to turn a switch. My ex got a new bf 3.5 weeks after we broke up. I was still trying to get her back and we were living in the same apartment. She wanted us to just be friend and she was going to be nice with me and invite to grab dinner and stuffs, but trust me that's not easy at all. I was so heartbroken. 3.5 weeks later she was coming to our apartment (in college dorm) with her new boyfriend. So you can imagine how hurt I was.

It will get better. Take care of yourself and try to forget about her. Easy to say I know, but you have no other choice. We all have to do it.

Take care!