i feel sick

[doc]

Hello I have been involved with a woman for about 1.5 yrs now. Shortly after we met, we accidentally got pregnant. Since I live many miles away from her home (which is actually my hometown where my parents live) we began to conduct a long distance relationship. In the beginning I did love her but this began to slowly evaporate over time. I began to see the darker sides to her personality and this caused me to withdraw.

Eventually our beautiful son was born and we continued our relationship but deep down I knew that it was falling apart because we are so vastly different. I didnt know what to do. I wanted to support her and our son, but I started to feel that there was no way I was going to marry her. She gave me gifts and was sweet to me on many levels, but her darker attributes pushed me away more and more. Arrogance, bossy, angry, closed minded. On a couple of occasions my family heard the way she speaks to me sometimes and were very hurt. I couldnt get past these parts of her.

It got to the point that the only real reason we communicated was so that we could find out about our son. no affection was ever given except for a few occasions. She continued to give me sweet gifts, but never said "I Love You" except for on a hallmark card.

She is deployed now. Our son is in the very capable care of my sister. We spoke every so often on Skype with each other and with our son, trying to get him to interact with us. Last night she tells me that she doesnt have feelings for me anymore. I tell her tonight that I feel the same and that it would be best if we were to end our relationship and remain friends and raise our son the best way we can. She was very hurt by this but we ended our conversation and will prolly not speak for some time.

This all sounds so easy and simplistic. On paper it makes so much since, but this hurts. It hurts so so so much. I dont understand. I did have feelings for her! Why is this hurting?!? Why does the thought of her smile make my eyes well up!? I keep seeing her face, her smile, and her sweet gestures and its tearing me up inside!! God I feel so awful!!! Ive had such wonderful times with her and sweet memories and now it all amounts to nothing but pain and heartache and I am the primary cause. Im so terribly sad that I literally feel sick.....Im terrified ive ruined something that was good when I know deep down that it wasnt.....what the Hell have I done to myself!

[MerryH]

Im terrified ive ruined something that was good when I know deep down that it wasnt.....what the Hell have I done to myself!

I think most people feel this way after a breakup, even when they fully knew that it wasn't going to work. Breakups suck. They are very rarely pleasant experiences. Just the way it is. You're doing the right thing, though. Keep reminding yourself of that.

[DarkHelmet82]

why did you tell her you didnt have feelings for her? Im confused... This isnt meant to sound rude or mean but.. why are you playing games? I see it all the time.. people do this and then wonder why they broke up with their partner.. I always find honesty is the best policy, and giving your relationship 100%.

[doc]

I have not felt that I had the proper feelings for her that someone should in a "romantic" relationship. When I reflected on her behavior and the way she would treat me sometimes I would recoil at the thought of marriage. I tried to tell her that I dont appreciate the way that she talks with me sometimes and it was simply thrown in my face. So it seemed that it was in our best interests to end the relationship.

However, now that I have done this, I cannot help but feel terrible. I do NOT feel comfortable hurting people, particular someone that I care about. Yes I do care about her. She is the mother of my son. Im thinking of all the sweet things that she has done for me and all the smiles weve shared and its tearing me apart...

Its not a game. She is someone that I deeply care for that did some very sweet things for me. However, she also happens to drive me absolutely crazy with the way she treats me 60% of the time and I cannot see myself dealing with that for the rest of me life.

[ShellyZ]

You're just remembering all the good things about her now that you've broken up. It's common after a breakup, to miss the good times and gloss over the bad times in your mind. No one is all good or all bad, there's good and bad in everyone. But you did the right thing because she didn't treat you well, even though she was sweet sometimes. You two aren't compatible, that's all.

[doc]

I do feel that I am beginning to allow myself to believe that I have done the correct thing. This forum (the replies and reading through the other posts) and speaking with friends and family have been convincing me. The problem that I now have is that I have a child with her. We have not approached anything other than child support but Im anxious of all the issues that will need to be addressed. I live so many miles away and there are so many things to consider. I want to do this the right way and Im not sure how this is done....

[Purrzzzzzz]

well for one thing, dont make any spur of the moment decisions.. whatever comes up. give yourself a few days to think (and post) on it..