I feel sick

[dlinepassion]

So my gf of 2 1/2 yrs and I split about a month ago...I described it all in the thread I miss her! And a couple days ago I found out she's already seeing someone else. I'm still in pain most days and she's out already dating. I have been sick to my stomach since I found out and just completely and utterly depressed and miserable. I'm trying to get out and do things just for me but it's hard even getting out of bed. I can't stop thinking about all the sweet and romantic things she use to say to me and how she's now saying them to him. I've lost sleep and I don't eat much if any. I thought I was doing better but when I heard about this it just pulled me back down. Has anyone here gone through this stage? What gets you through? How long does it take for the pain to subside?

[Gigabitch]

It's just a rebound relationship. A lot of people cope with a breakup that way- it doesn't mean she's over the moon about him. look at it this way- there's no WAY she's actually ready for another relationship. Think of what a pain in the ass she must be for him.

[dlinepassion]

Lol i hope you're right. I just don't know. She's saying she misses his voice and all this stuff and she use to tell me that when we were dating. Do you think she knows it's a rebound or does she think it's just like a regular relationship? Cuz she sure seems happy and that just makes it 100x harder for me cuz I'm still miserable.

[mrkleen]

It is hard to know and believe this now but time heals all. I have heard that it takes roughly half as much time as you were in a serious relationship to get over that relationship and I think that is about right.

The first thing you need to do is NO CONTACT….none at all. No texts, no email, no trying to go to places you know she may be, no calling her friends or sending her family a Christmas card – NO CONTACT.

Second, you need to stop worrying about what SHE is doing. It is no longer your concern. You need to spend some time working on yourself and doing nice things for you. Find a new hobby, join a gym or other kind of club, hang out with friends – basically anything you can think of OTHER THAN sitting at home and felling sorry for yourself.

She is in avoidance mode…in a very unhealthy state of emotional limbo – this is not at all healthy and means that when this guy breaks her heart or finally dumps her for being a PITA – she will be back to square one (or worse), while you will already be on the path to recovery.

It is hard, I had my fiancé of 4 years leave me for another guy about 3 years ago. It took me almost 2 years to really get my head back on straight. Now I am with a great girl in a healthy relationship, and she is still bouncing from loser to loser….as miserable as ever.

It will take time, but stick to no contact…trust me.

[Sanctuary]

You get through it by meeting another girl. You might not realize it but, the next girl you meet will be just as great if not greater than this last one. Also, check this out:

[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hfl9e53LX_U"]YouTube- Broadcast Yourself.[/ame]

[cmacattack1]

It's all a learning process. Do whatever you feel like doing. I learned the hard way that no contact is a good way to go. Even if you want to be back together with her, talking to her and bringing up the pain of the past while trying to heal won't get you anywhere. Just gives her more time to find somebody else.

I wouldn't guarentee that the next girl after will be better. The longer you are alone though, the greater that chance is. Being alone really gives you time to go over the relationship, where and why it went wrong, and nothing will tattoo that information into your head more than losing something that was really important.

The reason why it's important to get out and do things is that if she does ever decided to come back and see how you are doing (assuming you have no contacted in a while) is that you want to be ready for that (if you really care about her and want to be with her). Because you won't be able to fake being hurt and that's going to be a big turnoff, and will justify her decision in the first place.

I've was with a girl for officially eight months and she dumped me and had a new guy within two weeks to a month of that break up (although I did the begging, pleading, I've changed) and it made things much much worse. But that period of time is just not enough time to really reflect upon and understand what happened, she is just trying to erase you with somebody else and while she may seem happy she is comparing everything about this new guy to you. Sure it will be shiny and new and fun now, but when it gets old, who do you think she will be thinking about then?

It's not a promise but it's just very unlikely if it makes you feel any better. You and her are done, there is nothing you can really do to bring her back. You can't focus on getting her back, but you can focus on doing things that make you happy. And that will increase your chances.

I haven't talked to her in over a month, and haven't seen her in a month, but I think I'll be sending her family a Christmas card. I care about her family and it makes me happy, regardless of what she will think of it. Is that wrong?

[dlinepassion]

Well I know we are done. I'm not planning on getting back together or even trying. I also haven't been in contact with her for 5 days now, since I found out she was seeing someone else. And I am trying to go out and do things for me but all my friends are 2 hrs away. I just have this sick feeling that her and her new guy will date for a long time. I know it shouldn't matter cuz we're done, but unfortunately to me it does. She was my best friend for 3 yrs, so it's even harder to not be able to talk to your best friend about something so important. I'm at the point where it's like, why did this happen? Where do I go from here? Where do I belong?

[Gigabitch]

She was my best friend for 3 yrs, so it's even harder to not be able to talk to your best friend about something so important. I'm at the point where it's like, why did this happen? Where do I go from here? Where do I belong?

Make sure you learn that lesson well. Your SO is NOT your friend. Your friends are the people who will be there for you if you break up. You didn't cultivate relationships, so now you have nothing.

Don't EVER isolate yourself this way again.

[cmacattack1]

Forever is a long time. You never know what the future holds.

[dlinepassion]

I didn't isolate myself. I still have my friends but she and I were friends before we started dating and we both considered each other best friends before we dated.