A Long Distance Conundrum

[ProMaxCCSB]

Hello everyone!

I hope you fine people can help me out here.

There's a girl I have know online for about 7 years now. Up until recently she's been in a long term relationship. We have constantly talked throughout our friendship. And early on it was established that we both found each other attractive. During a brief separation with her boyfriend she came out and stayed with me for a week or so. We hung out, fooled around, and just had a fun time together. That was maybe 5 years ago.

During the last 18 or so months our friendship, our conversations have grown to be rather flirty and very sexually charged. Pics were traded and etc..

This whole time we were both in relationships. She did recently break up with her boyfriend. For a few weeks before and up until she did, we talked and I helped her through it. 2 days afterward she nearly cut off contact with me. Blocked me from most of Facebook profiles.

We still shared some emails but it definitely felt as if she was pulling away. We have been discussing previously my going to visit. So I brought that up and she thought that this whole time when I said I wanted to visit she assumed I just meant visit for sex. Which wasn't the case. In her message about saying no to the visit the subject of a relationship came up. I ended up telling her how I felt and about how I would like a relationship with her.

She won't say whether or not she wants one or when but state she does like and care for me . She didn't want a long distance but I've already told her if we were to actually get together I would move . But she's fine with me visiting strictly as a friend (which is fine, as I really just want to see her and spend some time with her).

I'm pretty confused as to where she's coming from. I feel like I'm now crowding her. I still want to visit but I'm afraid that if I go, its going to cause her to be uncomfortable. I don't want her to feel like I'm gonna push to have sex with her, kiss her, etc...

I'm 30yrs old, my current relationship is ending and its been a long time since I felt this way about someone. I fear I lost the chance. Should I just leave her be and wait until she has time for herself and wait for her to come around?

Any advice, tips, insight will be awesome.

[Boisdevie]

You are 30 years old?
Then act like an adult.
You cannot have a long distance 'relationship' because in a REAL relationship you get to hug/kiss the person that you are with.
Find a real person to have a real relationship with.

[ProMaxCCSB]

She is a real person and one that I've spent a lot time with over the years. I stated in my first post that I was ready to move to ensure it wouldn't be a long distance relationship.

Thanks for nothing

[devonbrown]

Fact #1 - You have a girlfriend already. Going to visit this woman who you like and would move to be near her is not appropriate. If you go visit her, bring your girlfriend. Or at least be a man and break up with her before you go.
Fact #2 - You have admitted to feelings for this other woman, but you have also been having an emotional affair with her. Completely unfair to your current gf, just as it was to her ex-bf. Maybe this woman has just decided that she doesn't want to be "the other woman" anymore, or is feeling guilt for her part in the affair.
Fact #3 - She broke up with her ex. It wasn't to be with you. She wanted to break up with her ex. If she has been in a relationship for 7 years and broke it off, it is a major deal. Let her deal with it without pushing her about a relationship, visit, etc. No matter what she said to you before, the situation has changed and you need to respect that.

Bottom line, you are pressuring her right now. Because it is not about you. It is about her right now. She is single for the first time in 7 years. And you have been a safe friend for her to practice flirting with, etc. Now she may want to play the field a little bit. Just back up, be friendly with her, and concentrate on your own relationship.

[Boisdevie]

She is a real person and one that I've spent a lot time with over the years. I stated in my first post that I was ready to move to ensure it wouldn't be a long distance relationship.

Thanks for nothing

So you are ready to move to be with somebody that you havent' met in 'real life'?
Good luck

[Wakeup]

But she's fine with me visiting strictly as a friend (which is fine, as I really just want to see her and spend some time with her).

You were relegated to being her ilicit, emotional **** buddy when you first started fooling around with her while you were both already in a relationship. I suspect that she's sub-conciously thinking You are no longer good full time relationship material because if you'd do it with her, you'd do it on her. She's just as unintegral so don't get me wrong. The only difference between you and her is that she wouldn't be with you full time whereas you'd willing be with her.

Don't be such pussy and break up with your girlfriend. How dare you string her along until you're sure if the wipe on the other side of the keyboard actually wants you or not... and quit thinking that what you had was anything more than two people who were committed to the wrong partners and emotionally ****ing each other behind their backs.

It is what it is.

P.S. Never uproot yourself to be with someone that you don't even know other then what they choose to reveal to you in online chats. You've based your entire feelings on words without action. Not smart.

[curiousgurl29]

Um.... If it's been " a long time coming" in breaking up with your current girlfriend, YOU NEED TO BREAK UP WITH HER! The fact that you are currently are in a relationship is just a brief couple sentences is clearly a bad sign. You need to talk honestly with your girlfriend and tell her you need to break up!

I gotta say, too, I REALLY don't know if your relationship with theonline girl will work! You've only hung out in person for a week? It sounds to me like infatuation. Sorry, but that 's definitely not enough time to really get to know someone! I gotta say that starting the sex and the sexy photos was a pretty bad idea. It really sounds like she needed a sexual escape for a little and you were there. Also, where do you think this will be going? She already said she doesn't want a long distance relationship.

Please, please break up with your girlfriend! That's sad that you have known each other for 7 years and "it was established early on that you found each other attractive"! And you continued to stay with your girlfriend??