so i broke nc after a month

[tremolo]

Thanks to a very insightful person on this forum, I've realized what exactly went wrong in my relationship. I think me and my ex were probably equally at fault. Our personalities were simply just too different. But I wrote the ex a letter explaining some things we never had the chance to talk about the night of our break up. Since I caught him at a bad time, and he didn't want to talk, I never had that closure that comes with most break up discussions. I told him there was no need to reply, but that I'd come to realize some things I wanted to put out there - if he wished to read them.

I don't really want to get back together with him, and I don't for a second think he would want to get back together with me. I'm sure he's already moved on by now. I just wanted to make it clear, in a very kind way, what I needed that I wasn't getting, and that I realized I had begun to drive him crazy - precisely because I was going crazy not getting what I needed. I guess I was worried about his conception of me after the break up. I didn't want him to think I was a crazy bitch of an ex. I felt the need to try to smooth things over and let him know I wished all the best for him.

As I don't expect to hear from him, I feel like I have some kind of closure now. At least, if he even bothers to read my email, then he'll understand things from my point of view, and that I still care about him as a person. Had he done anything horrible to me, I wouldn't have cared what he thought... but he was a good guy, and it was just unfortunate our respective flaws got in the way of our relationship.

[Cerby]

Tremolo, you broke NC in order to clear some things up, but not to get him back. You're ok to do that. People who strict NC do it for 2 reasons - to get over the other person, or to make them come back by missing you.

Since you're working to get over him, breaking NC is fine as long as you don't have any expectation that he will respond. If you're at that point, you're well on the way to healing yourself.

[tremolo]

Yeah, I don't know whether I would prefer that he respond or not - either way, I will be fine. I suspect he won't, because he either doesn't care anymore or because he knows as well as I do that our relationship wasn't working. More importantly, he's not much of a communicator, so there's basically zero chance he'll want to say anything. The only way we could be together again is if he changed some things.... and if he'd been keen to, he would have done it before the break up. I just wanted him to know why it was that I was driving him crazy, and I wanted to reinforce that I never didn't trust him, which was the reason he cited for dumping me. I wanted him to understand, as my friend here made apparent to me, that what might have appeared as mistrust was really fear, since, because of the way he related to me, I was never able to get truly comfortable in our relationship. I don't know if any of that will mean anything to him... I just felt it was important to clear that up. Or to try at least.

[misombra]

that's cool tremolo. i think it's nice that you were cordial about it. i have a theory that women accept break ups better than guys. i think they tend to get more hurt and confused by it. i think women can come to terms with it much better. but that's just my own observations and experiences.

are you the same person that said a friend called him a 3 and you a 10 or something???

time to look for someone new. if you start looking, you're gonna start finding!

[tremolo]

Thanks, misombra! Yeah, it was me my friend said that about. Haha. I don't think she had the numbers quite right, but oh well

I've been dating a lot in the last month... no real winners, yet, but it's been helping me to move on. Maybe now that I've said my piece I can get my head back into my academic work. It's been hard to focus the way we left things... now I feel like I've said basically everything I needed to.

[Horseyguy]

Good for you Tremolo

I had a good cleanse myself last night