my bf's platonic friend

[sinVee]

I'm 21 and i've been with with my boyfriend for a little over a year now. He has a close friend now but they used to be friends with benefits before we dated. When we started dating they were not talking at that time (some friends quarrel)it was all good then. but now he talks with her and it really bothers me. Everytime I address my feeling he just accuses me of being jealous (which i probably am) and not trusting him. but its more than just that for me. It doesn't seem to bother him about what I feel anyways. So am I just extremely jealous and should I just let it pass? Any advise?

[Mathias]

It doesn't seem to bother him about what I feel anyways. So am I just extremely jealous and should I just let it pass? Any advise?

I wouldn't let you control who my friends are either. He shouldn't have to put up with that.

If there was something going on, that would obviously be a problem. But you're going to have to let this one go.

[Wakeup]

No woman I know would be okay with a guy talking still to a **** buddy. I think you have every right to ASK him to stop talking to her and then make a decision to stay with him or not depending on his answer. He keeps her around to fk again should women tell him that they don't like him talking to her, I'd imagine.

He has a right to talk to her but he does not have a right to hang with her and keep you too. Either you put up with it or you don't let him have his cake and eat it too. Personally, I'd not want someone who hangs onto that kind of baggage.

It doesn't seem to bother him about what I feel anyways.

He sounds like a great catch (sarcasm in case ya didn't notice)

[vashti]

I think I'd be uncomfortable with my man hanging out with f--k buddies, too. Mathias is right that you can't control who his friends are, but you CAN control who you will date, and under what circumstances. The fact that he doesn't care what you think about such a sensitive topic would be reason enough for ME to lose him.

[lahnnabell]

If he sees you as a priority, he'll ditch the ex-fk buddy. Fk buddies are what they are for a reason, the express purpose of scratching an itch when you need it. I'd have a hard time believing the only reason he keeps her around now is because she makes great conversation.

This would be a bit of a different story if they had no sexual history, but they do and on a very NSA level too. I meet men all the time who are content to separate casual sex with a buddy and loving sex with their SO. If you stifle yourself now, you're only laying the groundwork for resentment and future distrust.

I say you call his bluff and give an ultimatum. Like I said, if he sees you as any kind of priority, he'll get with the program. If not, then you're better off without him.

[seganomics]

My ex was still friends with his FWB while we were dating and it destroyed me. Two weeks after we broke up they hooked up. Eight months I see a picture of her and I get ill. Don't do it to yourself.

Don't trust it. Go with your gut. Unless she is with someone else it's hardly ever approriate. Don't have him disown her completely but you have to have a discussion about what makes you uncomfortable. If he's a keeper he'll hear you out.

[Katmeow85]

If the tables were turned would he be ok with it? If not then he shouldnt expect you to be ok with it.

[deeblondie82]

I totally understand I am going thru somewhat the same thing. My bf is talking to his ex who he invited over to hang for the weekend with her kids. Didnt really ask me just said she was coming and when I said I felt weird bout it he said We are just friends like I was freaking out. I just stating that I was uncomfortable with it. It is wrong for him to talk to a FKBuddy like that. I mean its a FK Buddy who doesn't need to be in the picture. If he cant see that your hurt by it then you need to decide if this guy is worth your time. I guarantee there's a man would would never put you in that situation. Your feelings matter..

[richardwordoff]

Yeah, if he didn't care about her at all he wouldn't be talking to her. Only acceptable circumstance is if they had been friends since early elementary school or something.

[misombra]

I would not deal with it. It'd have to be her or me. If he didn't want to choose I would choose for him and find myself a guy who did not feel the need to be friendly with a girl he used as a fwb in the past.

[bulrush]

You posted something similar in another thread. I don't think your bf should be talking to his ex, especially if it makes you uncomfortable. He should take your reasonable feelings into account. Regardless of what he says, he appears to want to have an affair with her, and appearances are important, since people do not have ESP.

This should make you ask yourself: "Is he getting everything he needs from me?" If the answer is "no", then try to think about how to improve your relationship with him, so he has no NEED to sleep with someone else.

[Wakeup]

This should make you ask yourself: "Is he getting everything he needs from me?" If the answer is "no", then try to think about how to improve your relationship with him, so he has no NEED to sleep with someone else.

Nice of you to switch that around on her O_o. If he won't give up a **** buddy then no matter what she does to keep his "needs" (that'd be "wants" not "needs." Needs are: air, water, food, shelter) met he'd be a dawg or he's emotionally attached and won't let go. Either of which would be none of her fault and out of her control.

The very fact that he doesn't seem to care about her feelings or her "needs" leads me to advise her to quit trying anything further with him and let him have his fk friend.

[misombra]

I would find an ex I could start talkning to as well. And when (not if) he got upset i'd tell him what a jealous person he was.

[sinVee]

Thanks all for the advice guys... i don;t know i am more confused now hahaaa :S welll he says they were best friends and he cant just give up good friends like that. I told him i dont want him hanging out alone with her alonebut with others. he chilled with her and soem other friends and i found everyone left early so they were drunk and chilled for a bit alone -_- (nothing happned ) and now i know i dont even want them chilling at all . i sound so selfish . he says if i was to be friends again with my exes he wouldnt mind at all and that if he thought anybody was better than me he would be with her and not me.

[Wakeup]

Oh horseshit... She was fk buddy. He never wanted her for a relationship but that certainly didn't stop him from screwing her did it? Of course it's up to you if you want to stay with him while he "chills" with her but I know that I would not take that chance with my emotional health. The least he could do was have YOU around when they are chilling and catching up. He has big emotional or physical ties to her if he doesn't include you in on their "platonic" gatherings.

Ask him to keep their time together to when it's strictly more than just them and when you are present. If he says no to that then I'd say you're a fool who is ignoring one of the biggest red flags out there if you stay with him. JMO.