Cold feet to propose...

[smackie9]

So stop kidding yourself and let her go.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Being such a pussy is what got you into this situation with an overbearing woman in the first place. What are you so afraid of? At the rate you are going, YOU WILL marry her...how much would that suck?

[Charlie Boy II]

I was worried that telling her this weekend would wreck my Superbowl plans.

LOL!!

I have nothing more to add, except I agree with Frasbee. You're not commitmentphobic you're just in a shitty relationship. Your girlfriend sounds very annoying.

[bluesummer]

First of all, I would like to point out that having long-term goals of eventually getting married and having children does not make you compatible. Most of the world population has that goal. What else do you guys have in common besides that? The answer would appear to be NOTHING.

This isn't commitment-phobia, this is a case of you being completely incompatible and growing in different directions. Your heart knows that marrying her is wrong, so you need to get your brain on board here. Things will only get worse after you're married.

[sookie6]

I wouldn't say the Superbowl was THE factor in all of this. This has been going on all along, I'll refuse to come out and say it because of <insert any event or activity>. Whether it be a dinner with another couple, or a games night or anything. I'm just procrastinating. I guess I find it easier to delay it when I have a legitimate excuse. I'm very afraid of the big change this could bring. I do find it inspiring that you were in a similar situation before and found happiness.

You are a coward. Maybe one day you will measure how selfish you are.

You are living proof of a belief I hold firm and clear in my mind 'that stupid people are more damaging than unkind people'.

[JadenMia]

Oh my, that poor woman..

She may sound annoying, clingy..etc..
But i bet she doesnt even come close to deserve someone like you.
Grow some balls!!! And tell that poor woman that you have no intention of ever spending your life with her..

The fact that you dont want to be with her doesnt make you a bad person, Its the fact that you continue to lie to her and lead her to believe you do. I bet this woman is completely in love with you (probably knows your a complete asshole.. or should do after 6 years) But nontheless loves you. And here you are, cant even give her the decency to just tell her this what you are telling complete strangers..

Doesnt she deserve this? I think you know how much this is going to break her heart.. Your wasting her time, there are men out there that are going to love her like she deserves and your are just wrecking that for her. Just get it over and done with and stop being such a coward. It is the best thing in both your interests so what are you waiting for exactly?

You couldnt tell her because it may wreck your plans for the superbowl... WOW.
This just wrecks my faith in men.. And the hope that i will ever find a good one.

[Hurl3y]

You couldnt tell her because it may wreck your plans for the superbowl... WOW.
This just wrecks my faith in men.. And the hope that i will ever find a good one.

You need to read all posts in this thread. The Superbowl is just an excuse to put it on longer. Now we planned a trip to Mexico. She is so pumped to go. I feel bad for not telling her before so I think I'm just going to stick it out so she can enjoy the trip she dreamed out. Is that selfish? The Superbowl isn't the only time I've put it off. That was just the most recent example.

Since she loves me so much, I think I should just be a man and learn to accept her and not be so critical. Which is why I will wait until after the trip to say anything. The problem is obviously me, so I need to fix that. Dumping her won't fix that problem since I am the selfish one. I need to be selfless for a change, and it's obvious by everyone's responses.

[girl68]

Are you for real? You really think THAT is going to make her feel better. Dude, she's not a freggin' charity case! It's pathetic that you honestly think she wants to go on a trip with a guy who honestly wants to dump her.

Yes you're selfish, totally 100% pussy and selfish. Being a "man" as you say would be babe, I was a pussy, I need to tell you we're not going on this trip, you're not out any money becasue I'm taking the hit, I've wanted to dump you for a long, long time now and well now I am. You deserve real love and I ain't it. I don't want to marry you and never did, I've lied to you time and time again telling you I'll marry you. It's over, I will move out, we should sell the house.
That's what a "man" would do. So yeah, no you're not being a man at all.

[bluesummer]

Since she loves me so much, I think I should just be a man and learn to accept her and not be so critical. Which is why I will wait until after the trip to say anything. The problem is obviously me, so I need to fix that. Dumping her won't fix that problem since I am the selfish one. I need to be selfless for a change, and it's obvious by everyone's responses.

No, no, no. You shouldn't just 'accept' someone and be with them. That's completely wrong, I don't think you're understanding the point here. The problem is that you won't LET HER GO as is so obviously needed. You two need to be with other people.

SHE needs to be with someone who loves her completely and WANTS to be with her, not someone who just 'accepts' their fate as having to stay with her. God, if I knew my husband felt that way about me, it would rip my heart in half. Honestly.

YOU need to be with someone that you don't feel like you need to change yourself to be with. If she's not the one, she's just not. You don't owe her shit, except maybe some respect and decency by breaking up with her.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Like I said, he's going to end up marrying this broad.

[Junket]

Hurley, you're an idiot.

[Hurl3y]

Well I've done some thinking and I do need to do what everyone has mentioned in this thread. This weekend I will come to grips with the mess I have created and set everything straight. It is going to be tough and very hard especially with Valentine's right around the corner. Its going to devastate her that we have to cancel the trip under these circumstances, but I am starting to realize that there really is no convenient time to break up.

I am scared for the future, but I was talking to my Mom the other day and she mentioned that my Uncle was in a relationship with his wife for 25 years. He despised her from the start and never wanted to break up with her because he was afraid of hurting her feelings. They ended up having kids together and after they grew up and moved out. He finally had enough and ended his relationship with her. He later found someone, but the point that I need to accept is that I need to take action now so that I can be happier later instead of being stuck in a relationship that I regret.

Thank you for all of your responses, I'll be sure to stop by to update if I need any guidance.

[girl68]

Big talk, now follow through.

[Hurl3y]

I figured I would post a follow up, we stayed together for 6 months to give it another go. Life as a couple returned to normal before the shake up but that same feeling about marriage still existed. I couldn't shake it. I did more reading on the topic and saw a therapist privately a few more times. We ended up going on the trip together and having a great time, but a few red flags popped up. I'm not really going to go into detail about the red flags but my experiences with my therapist and doing some great reading on the subject helped me greatly.

I broke up with her for good 1 month ago. It was messy, and she was devastated. The therapist told me that she could either be glad because she was already disconnecting with her threats of leaving if no engagement was ensued or those were meaningless threats. Were still sorting out the condo to this day. Not fun.

I learned that we had a very toxic relationship and that she (and me to a lesser extend) was emotionally abusive. My choices were to either stay with her or walk away. I finally came to grips with what I had to do to be happy and grew a back bone to break off the relationship. Things are still awkward between us and I loathe having to pick up things from the condo as she stated since I broke up with her I have to find another place to stay for the time being (I have been living with a variety of friends).

After I did it I felt immediately better, but to this day I still remember the good times and somewhat regret breaking up. Thought I keep my checklist that I made with my therapist to identify the emotionally abusive traits handy to remind me why sticking this out is for the better.

[lilxcutie53]

I think you are really confused on what you want to do because if you KNEW deep down inside that you didnt want to marry her then you would just break up and all the other factors of finding right time, questioning if shes the right person,etc wouldn't matter. I recently almost broke up with my boyfriend of 2 years..i mean we fixed things so were together but before I was having doubts and didn't like the way things were going, but was afraid to break up because of being lonely, ruining our friendship, regretting it, etc, but then one night something broke the hay on the camels back and I just knew i had to break up with him and all those things i was worried about before didn't matter to me at all, because it was soemthing I knew i had to.

So i just think you need to think of the pros and cons of your relationship and figure out if you can deal with the cons for the rest of your life. Also, relationships/marriages aren't perfect so you wont find someone that meets every single expectation, you just gotta think about whats right for you..I think the fact that she's pressuring you/bringing up getting married is part of this problem..i think that if she didn't always talk about it then you'd be able to more clearly think about what you want because you dont have the pressure from her. You need to let her know that she needs to stop bringing up marriage and that its making it worse. She also needs to learn that it needs to be your idea and that its not a good idea for her to always bring up marriage.