Be Warned This Is a Long One (Dunno What to Do) :(

[Anonomous]

Alright, since I know my girlfriend does surf the web occasionally, I am going to stick with the user name Anonomous. I guess being too careful in relationships is another thing I do. Anywho, on to my problem.

Right, so to start, we should probably start from the beginning. I am a 20 year old male and go to a University. I am currently in my first serious relationship with someone I honestly never expected to love this much. Ever. In fact, in the past 6 months, I have felt things for her that I have never felt in my entire life.

We met at a party, where she was incredibly drunk and still rebounding from a relationship which she ended (by cheating on her boyfriend) about 6 months prior. She was seriously tempted to give one of my friends a blowjob at this party and she just stop seeing a f*ck buddy from over the summer. I assume she did other things with guys over these 6 months as well, but I really don't know (except I know there was another giving a random blowjob in there somewhere). She was also recovering from a crush from one of my next door neighbors. I was the only guy in the room who actually did not hit on her, because I was so disgusted by how all of the guys were all over her. So my roommate decided to try to date her (even though he already had a girlfriend). And for some reason, perhaps this reason, she was attracted to me. My roommate eventually texted me and I learned that she thought I was cute, so we hit it off and I decided to give her a shot. Go figure, I was at the least interested and I decided to let things run its course. After holding hands and kissing one night, her friends eventually asked me to make it official with her. So I did. And I was happy about it.

Physically we moved fast, about one base (making out, petting, oral, sex) a week until I could work up to an "I love you" which led to sex (a month). I was a virgin before her. The thing that led me to an "I love you" was how much I absolutely missed her and how I wanted to be with her more than my friends most of the time.

Move forward a few months. Things are great, but I begin to notice something.

I realized I started to view her as a little clingy. Balancing schoolwork, friends, and her proved to be more of a challenge than I thought. So I started to grow a little animosity because I was beginning to feel like she was hoarding all of my time, which I sometimes wanted to spend elsewhere. I was even considering breaking up. But rather than this, I decided to use communication and see where that put us; so I told her I felt like we were seeing each other too much and we needed to make our time special. If we see each other all of the time, we would probably get on each others' nerves. So she cried and we eventually decided to spend more time with friends (although at this point, she had much less than me making it harder for her and possibly what even began her hoarding time with me). And it was great again. She began making more friends and I could balance things again.

Now move to the summer. We live almost an hour away.

Ever hear the expression. "Time doesn't make the heart grow fonder; time makes the heart wander?". Well, I began to feel it. Not like I wanted to cheat or anything, but I began to feel like our relationship's very foundation being tested on a daily basis. What broke her up with her last boyfriend was this very thing (and according to her, he always took her for granted). So then she has parties at her house (which I can't make of course), and tells me stories of her friend's telling her to do crazy stuff. So then I realize I start to feel something else now. Clinginess. I want to always be there for her and be so good to her that it would be impossible for her to cheat. And I continue to do that, but its still on my mind "what if she goes back to the way she was before we dated?". I just can't get a grip on what I should do.

And a brief distraction, I dated three times in high school; all of them were less than a month long because they either ended up liking another guy or cheating on me. Perhaps my history is causing this? I don't know.

I just keep telling myself "the reason she cheated in the past was because her boyfriend was so terrible to her." But still, every time she parties, I think of my friends and how they say they have all cheated before. And then I look at a friend's girlfriend and see her flirting all the time with other guys. I just can't get it out of my head. She is eventually going to cheat on me.

Now fast forward to tonight.

She is hanging out with one of her girl roomates and a couple of her old guy friends, one of which was the crush from about a year ago (who it turns out didn't like her, but seems skeptical of her happiness with me). I am pretty good friends with them. But I just keep going back to the fact that I feel like everyone cheats, and since she has cheated, she will cheat again at some point in our relationship. And it will hurt. Bad.

At this point, I really don't even know what to do. If anyone actually read the whole thing, you deserve more than you realize; helping a complete stranger with his issues. I really appreciate anyone who is willing to read this thread and help out.

Help much needed,
Anonomous

[smackie9]

Girls usually cheat because of low self esteem. If you don't give them the attention they need to make them feel sexy, attractive and needed, they often seek out the attention from other guys.......so you are going to have to romance the crap out of her.....but since this is uni time, its really not the time to be having committed relationships anyways.

karma is an interesting thing. You and your friends had no problem fooling around with some dudes GF (her)......How does it feel to be on the other end of things. Not too kool is it. Good luck with that.

[MarkAPS]

Trust your gut and watch your back with this girl.