meeting women in a professional setting

[robertdawson]

Say you have a doctor, lawyer, physical therapist, athletic trainer, whatever. Is it basically impossible to date a person in a professional position? If you both like each other why should you have to stay apart?
I guess you could have that person not be your doctor, whatever anymore and then go for it, but for someone like a lawyer, wouldn't that amount to firing them so you could date them?

The reason this popped into my head is that I'm being treated for a sports injury by my athletic trainer and there is an intern (roughly my age, just out of college) that ends up doing the stuff the AT does half the time. She just so happens to be one of the most attractive women I've seen in a while (not tons of makeup, "normal" looking girl (as opposed to fake looking supermodel kind). There is no way I would ask her out unless she made it clear she wanted me to (I'm not going to be one of "those" guys) but it just made me think of this question.

[Evo1114]

It certainly is not impossible to date them...the tricky part is asking them out. If you ask out your nurse/doctor/athletic trainer and they deny you, any further appointments are going to be pretty damn uncomfortable for all parties involved. Although I successfully asked out my dental hygienist and we were together for about a year...she kind of helped me out though by asking if I could look at her computer for her. She still cleans my teeth even though we broke up. I even schedule with her to do my fillings! She's jamming needles in my gums, helping drill my teeth and everything! Then usually later on after some of my appointments we go ****...but that's not really relevant...I just felt like mentioning it.

[robertdawson]

Well, for a doctor, it would be against their code of ethics to date you while you're a patient. It would be awkward to begin with, but even worse if you broke up. It would be really awkward to ask and get rejected and you certainly could NOT ask them out at work without being one of "those" guys.

In your case it didn't turn out tok bad because you at least have good enough rapport to keep doing it.

[devonbrown]

For most professionals, it would be against their own ethics to date someone they are working with/for. So, yes, I think you were right at first when you said you would have to sever professional ties with them before dating. Yes, it means you would have to fire your lawyer. But I would discuss the reasons why first. And if they weren't interested, I wouldn't fire them. If you fire them first and then ask them out, they will probably just not want to date someone who just canned them.

Also, you just have to be careful. A lot of professionals are not even thinking about romantic possibilities with their patients/clients/etc. Even approaching this subject with them might be uneasy.

Good luck.

[robertdawson]

It seems near impossible to even bring up the subject with them, especially if the end result is you no longer being their patient/client.
What are you going to say: "Uh, hey doc. I'm considering finding a new physician." Doc: "Why?" You: "Well, to be honest I am beginning to become attracted to you." Doc: "Um............. ok..... Do what you need to do I guess....". I would think it rare for them to say: "I feel the same way, and you're right. We can't do anything until you find a new doc." If you get the first response it is probably going to be awkward from then on anyway. Imagine telling your doc and not then not not being able to get appointments with them anymore..

I don't think there is any good way in general for anyone to go about this. There are no guarantees the doctor/physical therapist/athletic trainer/lawyer/whatever will flirt with you even if they are interested because if they do there may be that one crazy person that will try to sue them for harassment. Also, they may not be their own boss and don't want to get in trouble with the law firm/physician's practice/head athletic trainer. If they don't flirt with you it is hard to know if they are interested so you have no idea how to go about it. If you bring up the subject about the professional relationship not working out and turns out they aren't interested then it is awkward and if you ask them out while you're still in a professional relationship with them then it is really awkward.

Evo1114: It seems you are a big exception.. Were you not concerned with the possibility of getting turned down? Did you have a plan to switch offices if it didn't work?

[Evo1114]

Evo1114: It seems you are a big exception.. Were you not concerned with the possibility of getting turned down? Did you have a plan to switch offices if it didn't work?

Nope, like I said, she kind of made the move for me. It was different because I was pretty positive she wouldn't turn me down...I just got that vibe when talking with her. When I went in for my 2nd appointment, I went in there all jacked up, telling myself 'I'm going to do it', but as I was waiting to do it AFTER my appt., she told me her computer was running like shit and she needed to take it in to get looked at. She knew I fixed computers and admitted that she was just using it as a ploy to get me to ask her out. I told her I'd look at it and we could get some lunch or dinner afterwards. I still never find it awkward when I go in there even though we had kind of a rocky relationship. I had no plans of switching offices regardless of the outcome. I wouldn't care if I got denied...unless she was pissed for some strange reason and decided to go all Dr. Feinstone (The Dentist) on me...then yeah, I'd find a different dental office. Now if it were a doctor who checks over my balls, I'd probably find a different doctor.

[robertdawson]

So it is as I thought, the professional acquaintance must make the first move. I'm not saying this as a direct statement to my "situation" (really isn't a situation at all, it just made me think of this thread), but as more of a general statement: in any situation like this I think I'd be done for. Without some really obvious signals I wouldn't be able to tell if the professional wanted me to ask them out at all!

[robertdawson]

Does anyone else have any thoughts about this?