Originally Posted by
Wakeup
Don't you think it should be your wife's responsibility to tell this guy to quit talking smack about you? I know I would defend my husband if a male friend was dissing him. I also think it's your wifes responsiblity to tell him to stop texting her past a certain time at night. He's just doing what he's always done and since she allows it, why would he think he was doing anything wrong?
I don't think it's your place to be calling him and telling him anything, it will just make you look like a jealous fool. Talk to your wife about her allowing all this to go on and do it in a way that she knows you don't mind her having a friend but what he and her do and how they do it is crossing a relationship boundary as far as you're concerned.
All of this^.
Its tricky. This isn't some random guy but a childhood friend so you are working against all that shared history. Its unlikely she's going to cut ties with him, even if he were to overtly confess his undying love for her, or something equally messy. Its unfortunate that this friend isn't your friend as well, since he would need to be a lot more respectful of boundaries.
Do you have children? If so, then you really should watch out for the sake of your family. Its so very common for these kinds of friendships to turn romantic, even after years of a platonic relationship, particularly if he sets himself up as an emotional crutch for her during one of the normal, low points in your marriage. Just google 'old friend' and affair to get an idea of how old this kind of story is.
Anyway, it seems your wife has an admirer. Some women seem to collect such. In some cultures its quite common (Europeans tend to take this kind of thing much less seriously). I don't think that any feelings he may harbour is so much of an issue as how she deals with it. Talk to her about it, as WakeUp suggests and see what pings. Post again if you need further advice.
Second thoughts can generally be amended with judicious action; injudicious actions can seldom be recovered with second thoughts.
--Cyteen by C.J.Cherryh