relatives staying over?

[whyme]

Hi all,
I moved 200 miles away from my parents and have had a girlfriend where I live for about 10 years now. Her parents live round the corner and we see them once a week (sometimes more) for tea and they often pop round but usually don't come in. My parents come to visit 2 possibly 3 times a year and as they travel 200 miles they come Friday night and leave Sunday evening (2 nights). Before we had our own house about 5 years ago we had a small bedsit so my parents stayed in a local hotel. Since I bought my own house (only 2 bed) I liked it that my parents could stay over and I felt proud to show hospitality and thank them for doing so much for me in my upbringing as such. Due to lots of clutter in the house and one bedroom with a bed in it they sleep on inflatable beds in the living room but insist they are happy with that. My gf keeps saying they should stay in a hotel and implies she's thinking of their welfare but also indicates it would save her having to clean up and tidy up. She also doesn't like it interfering with her weekend and feels like she can't spend time on her own (which I said she could) as she would feel rude. She also said I could go and see them whenever I liked and that I get to see them on a family break once a year and she also does get on well with them.
Thing is I don't think it's much for her to 'put up' with my parents visiting a couple of weekends in a year and staying in the house (saving cost of a hotel). Considering also she hasn't worked for years and just hangs around the house all day whereas I work so she has more free time than me anyway. She gets really stressed having to tidy up the house and clean up ready for them. My view is that as she doesn't work she should keep the house clean and tidy anyway but she wakes up at midday and spents most of the time on her computer. I come home from my 9 to 5 job and do washing up, emptying bins, washing, shopping etc although she does cook. I did also tell her I'd help tidy up the house and booked half a day off work for that as well.

Is it unfair for me to have my parents stay over and not insist on staying in a hotel?

[spunkyhungry]

You are doing nothing wrong. You have every right to invite your parents to stay at your house for a few nights. I think it was nice of you to offer to take off work to help your girlfriend clean in preparation for their visit. Your girlfriend sounds lazy and demanding.

[TheTopicForums]

I dont think you wrong at all you are doing the right thing

[MerryH]

She should deal with it and be a gracious host. It would be different if she didn't get along with your parents or if they visited often and stayed for long periods of time, but it's six nights a year. That's nothing.

I can see how having them stay in your living room might make her uncomfortable, though. Clean out your spare bedroom and get a cheap IKEA bed in there so your parents don't feel like they're crashing at someone's dorm. If she still complains when they visit, tell her that she's free to stay at a hotel herself for the weekend. On her own dime.

[vashti]

Your girlfriend sounds like a lazy, selfish slob. If she's not working, I can't imagine why she isn't already keeping your house clean.

I agree with Merry. Clean up your spare room.

[devonbrown]

When you are in a relationsihp, you make some consessions for the other person and do things you don't always want to do (like deal with the in-laws). It sounds like your girlfriend doesn't really want to make those consessions. Which makes it seem like she has only her interests in mind, not yours or anyone else's.

I am not going to get into the laziness about the lack of cleaning, etc. Except to say that household chores and things like that have to be dealt with and communicated about. You are 10 years into your relationship, so I am guessing that you have offered at least a little co-dependency on that issue. If you want to make some changes, then start making the changes yourself and then TALK to your girlfriend. Ten years in, I would hope you could talk to her in an effective manner.

Good luck.

[bulrush]

I agree with the other posters here. Your gf sounds lazy and selfish. She doesn't have a job? Why can't she clean house? A selfish person is bad, bad news for any relationship. I can't believe it's lasted 10 years already.