Staying friends.

[Omnibus]

First of all I would like to say hello to everyone here because I'm new. Well, I came here to tell you my story and please give me some answers, because I can't answer to them myself and I tried over and over again.

So, its like this. I have been seeing some girl this year. We got to know each other in Nov/Dec last year and we made a good progress in being friends in January. We were talking like 4 hours / day some days... also online from time to time, played tennis... and some random stuff that just came by. I was always kinda like flirting with her and she reacted like she liked it. I was testing her a lot of time. I mean I was sitting like 1 meter away from her watching her directly in her eyes not looking away, but she did look away every 2 seconds and a lot more things like that. I really thought that is it. But there was always something different present.
Time passing by, because of my actions she got to know by herself that I obviously like her and she slowly began to kinda move back a little. I was going to ask her out for valentine day. I think she kinda knew it and the day before she told me that she got apart with her previous boyfriend 3 months ago and she's not looking for any relationship at all.
I know this girl and I think this really is true. She is very nice, caring and compassionate person. I believe her. She said we should stay friends. Well, today is 1 month from that. It was the hardest month of my whole life. I was being like really stubborn and sad. All of my friends noticed it.
What I want to do right now is to get her back as a friend. Yesterday it was the first time I spoke to her since that happened. A few sentences, but it was a start.
I want to ask her if it's possible to get back to the same friend relationship as we were before. Meanwhile I want to show her that I'm a good person to have around too and not only a guy who wants sex like the most. Maybe there still is a chance for us, because I will never forget all the things we were thru.
Please write your oppinion of what you think. And keep in mind that everything I wrote is like I mean it and here is no pretending.

[Anomaly]

Your situation sounds so much like mine, I wanted to be with her and she said that she was already with somebody else. And that drove her away for a while, and I didn't speak to her for over a month. Then I wrote her a letter, and she responded and wants to be friends again. Right now, I'm just happy that we are just friends, and I know that one day she will come around and love me back. Right now, just be patient and find happiness in the fact that she's in your life in any way possible. Best of luck to you both, we are in such similar situation. My situation was also right around Valentines Day as well!

[GemStar]

Haha-- Let the Master of Manipulation help you on this one. Here's exactly what I would do. OK, first, you're going to have to be friends for a while (at least a month, maybe several) without showing that you like her romantically. You have to do this so you can enjoy time with her and she will (hopefully) see more and more qualities that she likes about you.

To throw her off the trail, when you talk or hang out again, you need a minor story about why you recently have felt depressed. Whether it's true or not doesn't make a huge difference and it shouldn't be something MAJOR or anything that she would talk to others about. An example would be, "I was depressed for a couple weeks because I got an F in math class" or "because I really wanted to buy a new guitar but couldn't afford it" or even better, "I had an argument with my mom" or something like that. The whole point of this is to cover up any insecurity she had about you liking her and also to cover up that you didn't talk to her for like a month. This way, there will be some other reason to blame it on. Don't make it a huge deal. Just mention it and move on. (Sidenote: The examples I gave for excuses all seem to relate to a teen but they are just examples. BTW, I am 29 and don't know your age. It doesn't matter.)

OK, then you need to do the whole friends thing for one or several months, like I said, and NEVER EVER show that you have romantic interest in her unless comes the day when SHE initiates it. And don't "look" for her to initiate it. If you THINK she's not romantically interested, just consider it a fact for now.

Beyond that, you should show that you are independent. A free mind. King S*** for lack of a better term. Now, you don't want to be a jerk or anything. But when she sees that you're independent and confident just being yourself, she'll start to consider whether she likes you or not, if she does. Don't ever give the "control" over by showing that you care too much. If she thinks you are unhappy without her, she will think you're weak. She should think you're fine either way.

Extreme circumstances call for extreme measures, I say! Heh-- I totally believe this plan will work for you. I have an incredibly deviant mind when it comes to these things. Good luck!