Flowers got me in trouble?

[jrrt]

I’d like to an opinion about something that happened in a relationship I just started. We met at work and from the start agreed that we would keep it from our coworkers. Her previous relationship had been abusive and so I thought I’d show her how a man was supposed to treat his significant other and to send a clear message to her that she mattered to me so for her birthday I picked out a not too romantic but beautiful arrangement of flowers. To maintain the secrecy of our relationship I made sure that the delivery man could not divulge that I was the one who sent the flowers and I did not sign the card but she would certainly know who they were from. The day of the delivery I casually wondered by her desk to see that they had made it but made no indication that they were from me to our coworkers. Later on that day we spoke and the only things she said were that they were a huge distraction for her, that under questioning from her coworkers at lunch she told them that they were from me, and “I thought we weren’t going to bring this into work”. She made it very clear that she was unhappy. I called her the next day and apologized for my transgression and she reiterated that we had said we weren’t going to bring our relationship into work and made it clear she had no time for me. The next day I texted her “Happy birthday” first thing in the morning and asked her if I could take her out to dinner. Her response stated that she was too busy for dinner. This was after speaking several times about my taking her to dinner the week before. After her brush off over the weekend I decided to give her time to cool off. After 4 days she had not attempted to contact me so I emailed her to let her know that I had been giving her some space, that she had been on my mind, and that we needed to sit down and talk. Two days later and still no response. Is her behavior reasonable?

[Wakeup]

You just started seeing this girl and already there's this kind of drama? I think she's over reacting and I think her over reaction stems from not having processed her last relationship. I'm thinking what you did (breaching the confidentiality of your relationship) was a bit of a control move in her eyes.

She sounds like a lot of trouble and you'd do well to evalute if this is a girl you'll want to walk on egg shells around. I don't think she's ready for another relationship yet. How long ago did she breakup with the abuser?

[MerryH]

I think she's justified in being upset that you sent her flowers at work. You put her in a position where she either had to lie to people, or uncover your secret relationship. If she doesn't want anything to do with you anymore, then her behavior is somewhat reasonable. If she's just trying to punish you by ignoring you, then that's a bitchy move and you should be thankful that this happened early enough so that you can easily move on.

[Gypsybell]

I think you staked your claim too soon and in direct opposition to what you had both agreed (workplaces are notorious for ferreting out such things) You should have sent the flowers to her home or given them to her there yourself. There is also another possibility. Since your relationship is still in the trial stages, she may not want ot be seen to be committed to it. thus socially off limits. I agree with Wakeup, She's not ready to get involved too deepy and there may be other options she's considering. You should give her some space and don't hover. You don't want to be the rebound person, let her go and she may come to appreciate you, and realize your intentions were caring, on longer aquaintance.

[jrrt]

Thanks for the balanced comments. I truly appreciate a women's view on this. I don't want to think the worst about her, but her behavior is a little dumbfounding. I also believed that she might not be ready for another relationship and told her so, but she assured me that she was ready and so I acted accordingly. Maybe she wasn't as ready as she thought?

[mwahahaha]

Sending a broad flowers, lol. rookie error.