Girlfriend has been severely hurt a second time - Not sure of next action

[Nazack]

I will try to keep this brief. I used colors to separate it out a bit and, hopefully, make it easier to follow for you.

I met a girl five years ago in another state who I fell in love with. She was coming out of a relationship so we took it slow, she grew close to me and I to her, but she was always leery of sending pictures and it took a long time to talk to her on the phone. I came to find out after a big argument about this that she had had one boyfriend before me - another online relationship that ended with him meeting, drugging, and raping her using Rohypnol. I did some research and learned that she would have to take it slow. I talked to her, she went to therapy, and four years later (rocky as it has been, off and on) we have a date set where we are going to meet in person. She gets panic attacks from sending pictures and can't even show herself on webcam in a live chat so I made sure I set it up for a public place. That was going to happen this summer.

So tonight she was late in getting home and when she did she contacted me, crying, telling me that she was assaulted by a man in the parking structure near her work after getting off and he raped her. She became unresponsive after we talked a bit (though was quick to assure me she didn't blame me - don't blame her but made it clear anyways that we could cool it and I would leave her alone since she probably isn't keen on men in general right now). I made it clear immediately that we need not need to meet this summer.

I hate to say it but I am not sure if I can wait another five years to get a chance to meet her face to face. I really care about her but I am also getting closer to the age of thirty and don't want to drag this out for ten years if it is going to end badly. Is it possible to come back from something like this for her? Is that even realistic to think she could ever have a fulfilling relationship with a guy if her introduction to sex with men has been two rapes? Could she just be making it up because she wants to keep it online and panicked at the thought of us meeting face to face?

She often says she is worried about meeting because she doesn't want to lose me so now I am having all kinds of thoughts and doubts about this situation. I am doing web searches on voice software to see if she could be a guy in real life and just jerking me around. I doubt that, of course (what kind of guy would pretend to be a girl and jerk someone around for nearly five years?) At the same time I am worried I maybe justifying my own selfishness as I have started to attract women in real life now that I have my stuff together and am going through college and finishing out my degree. Could I just be making excuses, subconsciously, because of the new attention? Am I being unfair or a jerk?

I need a third party perspective. Thanks for any help or insights you can garner in advance.

[searock]

So when you say you "met" a woman, you mean that you "met" her online? You've never even seen her for 5 years and during all this time you haven't dated anyone even though you had the opportunity to? Are you for real?

[scott green]

So when you say you "met" a woman, you mean that you "met" her online? You've never even seen her for 5 years and during all this time you haven't dated anyone even though you had the opportunity to? Are you for real?

There are a LOT of people out there who have monogamous cyber-relationships. My last serious gf I dated for 3 years and never met her in person, and never even thought about cheating on her. Believe me, after all the grief I'm getting after having a proper girlfriend this last year, I beginning to think having cyber one was probably less stressful.

[scott green]

So tonight she was late in getting home and when she did she contacted me, crying, telling me that she was assaulted by a man in the parking structure near her work after getting off and he raped her..

See, THIS is the main part I'm having trouble understanding. She has all these 'issues', about even appearing to you on webcam and sending pics of herself, and you say she was late getting home. Where was she? Was she out at work night out? Was this man who 'raped' her out with her too? Did she 'pull' him at the party, and maybe snog him, and had sex with him, and maybe felt guilty about cheating on you, and said she was raped again? Sorry, two rapes and not meeting for 5 years and not even seeing her on webcam is strange.

My last cyber gf and I were at least on webcam practically every second night getting each other off before we split, I know you said she has issues, but even someone like me who has been in around 6 serious cyber relationships, this sounds weird

[noerrorsfound]

I can't imagine why at your age you'd be wasting time with a purely online relationship. I'm only approaching twenty but why would someone (or two people) deprive themselves of physical contact for many years when they could have been forming something with a person they've actually met? You don't even know what she looks like?!

As for "what kind of person would mess with me for so long," a person with mental problems would. I don't know how old this woman is but it's awfully odd for someone to have only had two relationships and especially with both of them being online. It's also highly suspicious that she wouldn't send you a picture of herself. It wouldn't hurt her. You can't use facial recognition to track her down and harm her.

Sounds like a gigantic waste of time, whether she's for real or not.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

WTF?

To this whole thread.

W.T.F?!?!?!!?

[Nazack]

So when you say you "met" a woman, you mean that you "met" her online? You've never even seen her for 5 years and during all this time you haven't dated anyone even though you had the opportunity to? Are you for real?

The rest of you lot said similar stuff and I am not a big forum guy so I don't know how to add more than one of your quotes to my message without having it look like searock said it all - sorry, but this is aimed at all of you guys to be sure.

I did mention some bumpiness in there that I didn't really elaborate on but, in lieu of looking like a total wierdo, I will elaborate now.

When I first "got with her" it was at a point that I was stuck in a dead end job with frack all going on for me in life. Everyone has been there, right? Some of you young guys maybe there now. I hadn't gone back to school yet, had been working as security guard, and having someone there for support was nice, even if not in real life. I went back to school as did she, we helped each other out in classes, we weren't exclusive, though.

Yes, of course I have dated around and it hasn't been exclusive. Separations, friendships, dating others then bouncing back together, and so on - It has been like a bad TV show only more dysfunctional. Probably shouldn't still be going on but my real life relationships generally explode so this one has been a constant in the background. Figured since I was making some decent money now we could meet and maybe try to make it work like in those stories you hear about the people being friends and off and on and winding up together, yeah?Got more attached than normal this time since it was coming down to the wire. Maybe a bit to sentimental of me.

The hell of it is I wouldn't be where I am if not for her. She sort of pushed me to go back to school, helped tutor me in math classes I needed to take, so I do kind of owe her for that much. I helped her with writing and essay stuff but she would spend hours a night helping me through my math work. I mean, don't I owe her that much?

I am rambling a bit now but hope that cleared the situation up. I am not some Steve Carrell 40 Year Old Virgin character.