I will try to keep this brief. I used colors to separate it out a bit and, hopefully, make it easier to follow for you.
I met a girl five years ago in another state who I fell in love with. She was coming out of a relationship so we took it slow, she grew close to me and I to her, but she was always leery of sending pictures and it took a long time to talk to her on the phone. I came to find out after a big argument about this that she had had one boyfriend before me - another online relationship that ended with him meeting, drugging, and raping her using Rohypnol. I did some research and learned that she would have to take it slow. I talked to her, she went to therapy, and four years later (rocky as it has been, off and on) we have a date set where we are going to meet in person. She gets panic attacks from sending pictures and can't even show herself on webcam in a live chat so I made sure I set it up for a public place. That was going to happen this summer.
So tonight she was late in getting home and when she did she contacted me, crying, telling me that she was assaulted by a man in the parking structure near her work after getting off and he raped her. She became unresponsive after we talked a bit (though was quick to assure me she didn't blame me - don't blame her but made it clear anyways that we could cool it and I would leave her alone since she probably isn't keen on men in general right now). I made it clear immediately that we need not need to meet this summer.
I hate to say it but I am not sure if I can wait another five years to get a chance to meet her face to face. I really care about her but I am also getting closer to the age of thirty and don't want to drag this out for ten years if it is going to end badly. Is it possible to come back from something like this for her? Is that even realistic to think she could ever have a fulfilling relationship with a guy if her introduction to sex with men has been two rapes? Could she just be making it up because she wants to keep it online and panicked at the thought of us meeting face to face?
She often says she is worried about meeting because she doesn't want to lose me so now I am having all kinds of thoughts and doubts about this situation. I am doing web searches on voice software to see if she could be a guy in real life and just jerking me around. I doubt that, of course (what kind of guy would pretend to be a girl and jerk someone around for nearly five years?) At the same time I am worried I maybe justifying my own selfishness as I have started to attract women in real life now that I have my stuff together and am going through college and finishing out my degree. Could I just be making excuses, subconsciously, because of the new attention? Am I being unfair or a jerk?
I need a third party perspective. Thanks for any help or insights you can garner in advance.