Hey there,
Sorry in advance for the length but I have to write this down to hopefully see a bit clearer, it's deffo goin to drive me crazy if I don't get a objective view on this...
Been together with my bf for 10 months now so not that long really, we were working together last year and it all started off on a work night out.. He left his ex wife for me, filed for divorce, left his job this march and followed me to Paris where I got a traineeship for half a year. Now we are back in England, he's back in his old job and I'm doin my Masters at Uni.
About a week ago I found sth on his emails - all the way through the 6 months we were together in Paris he had "online sex" on a website where u can buy webcam sessions with girls and escort services etc. He chose girls and booked them for the camera sessions, he told them beforehand what to wear and what to do during the session, sometimes "in private" sessions where the women on there seen him masturbating as well. Afterwards he sent them messages saying how good they were and how hot they look and he wolud like to do it again, and they were "rating" his performance as well.... This has been goin on for 6 years in total I think, so wayy before me...
Confronted him, told him how much it hurt me and how upset I was and of course he was upset that I was looking at his emails, but I had my problems with the trust obviously because of the way we met, as he was married when we had sex the first couple of weeks before he told his ex.
But the point is: he said he is sorry that I feel bad about it but he did nothing wrong, it's just porn with telling the actors what to do and his ex-wife didn't have a problem with it... brilliant... thing is, he told me he hardly had a sex life with his ex so I can kind of understand why a bloke would do this kind of things then 8they were together for 10 years). But I thought our sex life was brilliant - we were only together for a couple of weeks when we went to Paris and head over heels in Love, we had sex every day, sometimes more than once...Oh and there is a 16 year age gap - I'm 22 he's 38, you would think that's quite an adventure in itself, but obviously not enough for him... Plus, what really sucks - we had hardly any money, as I was the only one working because he couldn't speak any french and it's not cheap there, and that website obvoiously costs money, or the girls themselves charge you for the sessions or sth like that. I mean I was sitting at work there every day tryin to earn enough money for us to have a good time there, and what was he doing? His "excuse" was that he was bored!
It makes me feel sick when I think about the fact that strange women seen him naked and masturbating and the way that he was talking to them and, for me it's not only porn! I don't know how to deal with it, I don't want to lose him, I was about to leave but then stayed. I do love him, he has done so much, has given up so much for me so i don't understand it. Why would u do that behind the back of someone you love and are attracted to?? He even said other women would not react like I did, they would be intrigued and try it out as well! I asked him if he wants us to watch these girls there together to spice things up but he said he doesn't want that. He told me it has nothing to do with me or our sex life, but that leaves me with absolutely no chance of changing anything or making things better? And if you are really happy in every way in a relationship, would u do this then?
I'm confused, I have absolutely no clue what to do and I can't forget it... Sorry again, I know it's long! Please let me know what you think about this - does every man do that when in a relationship??
Thanks..