Sorry guys, I broke all the rules and really messed up!

[Tonia2]

Hi Cdoc, I totally agree about keeping yourself busy. You have to do it, even if it is the last thing you feel like doing. Eventually, you realise that you are smiling more and not so preoccupied, and I am sure finally you realise that life goes on and you are actually happy.

How long ago did you actually break up? Mine just called on my workphone (not mobile) which I have to pick up. He was bemused as to why I haven't been in touch, and accused me of 'playing hard to get' again. Strange terminology for someone who is no longer your boyfriend. It is all getting boringly predictable, but I am glad that he cares. I was friendly but slightly dismissive, and I could tell at the end of the call that he was trying to establish my plans and stuff. I didn't give him any answers other than that I am really busy most nights at the moment.

I hope I am doing OK

[cycletease]

I think you are fab!!! That is the perfect way to handle it.

[C1d6OC]

How long ago did you actually break up? Mine just called on my workphone (not mobile) which I have to pick up. He was bemused as to why I haven't been in touch, and accused me of 'playing hard to get' again. Strange terminology for someone who is no longer your boyfriend. It is all getting boringly predictable, but I am glad that he cares. I was friendly but slightly dismissive, and I could tell at the end of the call that he was trying to establish my plans and stuff. I didn't give him any answers other than that I am really busy most nights at the moment.

I hope I am doing OK

She broke up with me a little over a month ago. It seems like this guy isn't getting the hint here. Calling you and saying you're playing hard to get. At work? Well despite all that, you handled things well. You are doing fine.

On a side note, I have to say that one thing I'm happy with is that my ex is leaving me alone. I have no idea if she is lonely or going out. I guess I might be a bit curious, but as it stands now, I'm not itching to know. If I find out that's cool. Your ex is playing with fire here though. I wouldn't be surprised one day if it starts to bug you so much that you just explode on him.

I'm not saying that is going to happen, but it's such a common thing. Anyways, Tonia keep up the good work.

Cdoc

[Tonia2]

You might be right - I might lose patience with him eventually, because all this playing with me is doing my head in. You are a lot further along than I am - my break-up is a month ago today, and I am still in a quandary, but that may well be partly because he is not leaving me alone.

[C1d6OC]

Tonia, I don't think I'm a lot further than you. I think in retrospect, he has his reasons for not leaving you alone. It's basically up to you to ensure that he gets the hint. My ex got the hint after I completely shut her out. I told her straight up that we couldn't be friends, I told her that I wasn't going to go to the gala with her and I blocked her for a bit on MSN. It all comes down to me needing to do this, because I sure didn't want to.

Cdoc

[Tonia2]

Yeah, but i dont really want him to stop in some ways - i just want him to make his mind up, you know? I am reluctant to tell him to stop contacting me, but i can still be stand-offish so that he doesn't think he is able to manipulate me and have it all.

[cycletease]

I know where you are at about not wanting him to stop contacting you...but really what does it mean? If he is still doing the same things and still undecided is it really a positive?

Of course you want to hear from him and want the feedback...it isn't your feelings that are in question. But since he is not calling to tell you what an idiot he has been what's it really doing for you?

I am not sure what the answer is. If he were to move on because you asked him not to contact you that would mean there was no chance. The guy who the gets shut off because he messed up and has a change of heart is the guy pounding down your door and begging...that is the guy that you want.

[Tonia2]

I know what you are driving at, but sponteneity was never his forte. If you look at his past behaviour, he dithered for 6 months - always being affectionate and sweet, but not sure exactly how he felt. Equally, if he were to think he had made a mistake, he would be very methodical about making sure that it was not loneliness that was motivating him. He would not be banging my door down - its just not his style, but I do believe that if he came back to me in time it would be with the sincerest of intentions.

[cycletease]

Because he tends to be a ditherer and undecided, how is he ever going to make a clear decision about his feelings if he never allows himself the perspective in order to evaluate it?

[Tonia2]

Please don't be offended by the yank comments! Just an 'in-joke' I am muddling along, still making lots of mistakes. I am sure you are desperate to put me out of my misery!! I feel OK though, and am ignoring this. Seeing him for how self-centred he is - like my life is a barrel of laughs at the moment! I cannot feel sorry for him, so that is an advance on my usual feelings.... emails start below:


agree. all these people, even yanks, jumping on the kilt bandwagon. tis a travesty. and don't even try to maintain that l is a jock cos if she's a wee pal of yours then I'm afraid that rules her out.

sorry I did feel slightly put on the spot - always seems like a bit loaded question when all I'm doing at the moment is try to get my life back on track. not feeling very happy right now - in fact feeling pretty aimless and planless.

glad tomorrow looks like being on. hope enjoy your trip to t.



> -----Original Message-----
>
>
>
>
> Do you remember Li? Cool picture, but I am never sure about these
> Americans who dress up as Bonnie Prince Charlie at the first sniff of
> a celebration.
>
> Sorry if you felt I cornered you, asking how you are feeling. I still
> care about you, and it's hard not to enquire about your emotional
> welfare. You make it hard though.
>
> I have just spoken to T and looks like tomorrow is on, so you
> probably won't see me unless there is a downturn in the weather. I
> hope you have a good match.