Spanking or something else?

[Yet another guy]

Thank you. But if you have read so much about it could you tell me if a man suggests this to a woman, what does he really think about her? Just sex or something more? You would think that these kinds of games need 100% trust between the partners.

You didn't ask me directly, but I'll butt in anyway.
You can't tell if someone is interested in just the sex or something more solely by the fact that they suggest sex. Not from the type of sex (spanking) either. All you can tell from the suggestion is that he wants to have sex (assuming that's what your guy insinuated with spanking), which was obvious anyway since he's a single (I assume) guy and you're a woman. Another thing that it might suggest is that he either thinks he has a chance or at least he has nothing to lose in case you reject the offer.
A deep trust is probably a very good idea with that type of stuff at least on the side of spankee. Then again, some people might get off from the risk of being at the mercy of a (relatively) stranger.

[Yet another guy]

Let’s see. All I can think at the moment is him giving me a good spanking because I have been misbehaving so badly. I didn’t realize before that I can actually have these kinds of sexual thoughts. But perhaps it’s only going to stay as fantasy. I have to get it off my head otherwise it’s going to ruin my life.

Why not suggest your boyfriend to try that sort of stuff with you instead?

[gingerina]

. All you can tell from the suggestion is that he wants to have sex (assuming that's what your guy insinuated with spanking), which was obvious anyway since he's a single (I assume) guy and you're a woman. Another thing that it might suggest is that he either thinks he has a chance or at least he has nothing to lose in case you reject the offer.

He has made it very clear that he is single. Also he told me many times that he wants settle down and have a serious relationship. He didn't say he wants to have a relationship with me, but in general I think.

Anyway my boyfriend is not the problem here, he is... Everything is fine with my bf but I think he is not that kind of man...

[Yet another guy]

Anyway my boyfriend is not the problem here, he is... Everything is fine with my bf.

I understood that your problem is the fantasy of being spanked by some guy. So I thought that maybe you could turn this problem that would ruin your life into a solution. If you think you could get off from that stuff, you should try it out. With your boyfriend. Wouldn't it get the other guy off your head? That's what you want, am I right?
At least for me, fantasies are about what and how; not about who. Maybe it's different for you.

[bulrush]

Thank you. But if you have read so much about it could you tell me if a man suggests this to a woman, what does he really think about her? Just sex or something more? You would think that these kinds of games need 100% trust between the partners.

I’m sure he wanted to tease me and tried to have some kind of a reaction from me. But like we all know behind every joke there is some truth.

Sorry I cannot read his mind. You will have to ask him if he wants more. Maybe that's how he flirts, and he wants more than sex. But you have to ask him.

[gingerina]

Sorry I cannot read his mind. You will have to ask him if he wants more. Maybe that's how he flirts, and he wants more than sex. But you have to ask him.

I cannot ask him directly because I shouldn't been even speaking with him about sex because I have a boyfriend. And if I start taking him too seriously he will take that like I'm giving him a green light.

I got more messages from him yesterday and he said he wants to tie me down and do all kind of stuff to me, you name it. It looks like he only wants to have sex with me and he doesn't care if I have a boyfriend or not. It's so funny, the first thing when I declerared that I'm seeing someone he became more agressive. What does that tell about him?

[gingerina]

I understood that your problem is the fantasy of being spanked by some guy. So I thought that maybe you could turn this problem that would ruin your life into a solution. If you think you could get off from that stuff, you should try it out. With your boyfriend. Wouldn't it get the other guy off your head? That's what you want, am I right?
At least for me, fantasies are about what and how; not about who. Maybe it's different for you.

It is very hard to think my bf to do this kinds of things to me. He is very conservative person.

In any case I'm not planning to cheat my boyfriend. I rather brake up with him than start cheating.

[Yet another guy]

I cannot ask him directly because I shouldn't been even speaking with him about sex because I have a boyfriend. And if I start taking him too seriously he will take that like I'm giving him a green light.

He is flirting with you and insinuating that he wants to have sex with you. Having a boyfriend is a very good reason to ask about his intentions and tell him that neither sex nor anything deeper is possible. To use your traffic light analogy, ignoring his "subtle" advances is like showing the yellow light (and for purpouses of this analogy, you can't tell if the light is going to turn red or green). You're encouraging him to be more aggressive with the advances. You must take him seriously in order to "give him a red light".

I got more messages from him yesterday and he said he wants to tie me down and do all kind of stuff to me, you name it.

Ok, so it's certain that he's suggesting sex. Are you going to decline or just keep ignoring it?

It's so funny, the first thing when I declerared that I'm seeing someone he became more agressive. What does that tell about him?

It tells me that he was subtle at first because most women don't like it when the guy mentions the sex early on. Now that he knows you're taken, he doesn't have much to lose so he's going straight to the point.
I think that the fact that you haven't rejected his advances is mostly the reason he is becoming more an more direct with them.
It also tells me that either he has feelings involved or he doesn't care much about relationship ethics. Or both, who knows.

[searock]

The point is, are you willing to break up with your boyfriend (since as you said you'd rather break up with him than cheat on him) just to have sex with this guy?

IMO, if you're even just considering it, it means there's something quite wrong in your relationship with your boyfriend. You really should figure that out, before thinking about something else.

[gingerina]

The point is, are you willing to break up with your boyfriend (since as you said you'd rather break up with him than cheat on him) just to have sex with this guy?

IMO, if you're even just considering it, it means there's something quite wrong in your relationship with your boyfriend. You really should figure that out, before thinking about something else.

I would't ever brake up with my bf just to have sex with some one else. That would be very low.

Yes. There is this problem now which is the reason I end up here asking advice. This other guy just got in to my nerve. It is hard to explain it in any rational way. I just cannot stop thinking about it. If something gets under your skin it doesn't leave that easilly.

[gingerina]

It tells me that he was subtle at first because most women don't like it when the guy mentions the sex early on. Now that he knows you're taken, he doesn't have much to lose so he's going straight to the point.
I think that the fact that you haven't rejected his advances is mostly the reason he is becoming more an more direct with them.
It also tells me that either he has feelings involved or he doesn't care much about relationship ethics. Or both, who knows.

I just like to say that this guy is not any kind of sex maniac who I met in a bar last week. We are friends and I’m not planning to get rid of him only because he likes me.


Anyhow he said he likes me and I do like him too (but I never told him that) so there are feelings for sure but I'm not too sure which level. Also when you have history with someone you start caring about people without planning it. And you are right, I have to sit down with him and talk this over whenever I have a chance.

[bulrush]

Yes, I was flirty but only when he started it.

If you do not want this guy sending you suggestive emails, stop flirting with him, and tell him to stop it. If you want to try spanking with your boyfriend, talk to him about it, even though he seems conservative. Everyone thinks I'M conservative, but they would be shocked to know the real me.