Ok did I do the right thing?

[Toddstar]

My ex, she of whom I have spent YEARS getting over the breakups, she of who lives with a new guy a month after meeting him, she the mother of my son, just called me (she hasnt called me in 2011, not once...always text or email) and she is trying to insure her car (the one I gave her). She has been driving uninsured for 2 weeks now since our agreement started. She called because she need a letter of experience because she has never been insured on her own before and has always been on my policy. She texted and called from HIS phone as well!!!!!! Her insurance premiums will be sky high as she will be considered a new driver if I dont give the OK to the insurance company.

I told her no, I am not responsible for her insurance, I will not be giving anymore than I am obligated to and I told her to leave me alone.

Did I do the right thing? And if so, why has the guilt got a stranglehold on me? SHE brought this on herself!

After I said NO she said shes been driving with no insurance because I have been "conitnually trying to screw her over". I replied that she took me to court and when she asked for more $ in August I had to say no.

She then told me I was an idiot and that I could NOT have my son a day earlier this week like I requested (it was outside our agreement) and we will be meeting at our meeting place at the exact time and not a minute earlier.
I told her she was only hurting our son, not me, but OK. I also said when she wants to talk like adults I will be available. She told me I dont act like an adult nor think like one and to leave her alone. She contacted me....she ALWAYS contacts me. I dont get it.

Wow. I am very confused. What a f*cking child she is. And she hurt me so many times. Am I just a child too?

SHould I really be bailing her out AGAIN? She thinks I try to screw her over? I gave her homes, cars, phones, credit cards, love, cash....all I could and she still tries to make me the bad guy. And, since I have no one but this forum to talk to, I start to feel like crap...like maybe I should still be bailing her out. I dont know. I am torn up again.

[vashti]

I don't know what a "letter of experience" is, but it seems to me that if all you have to do is write a letter saying you know her, and you are in no way incurring any financial responsibility, it would be in your child's best interest to be driven around by a mother that is insured.

[Toddstar]

Yes, I agree. It IS the right thing to do and it is just a phone call too. But what has she ever done for me? She called me an idiot when I said no AND told me I couldnt see my son a day earlier. Thats childish on her part AND its only hurting our son! Why throw him in the mix? Hes only 3! She is being typically manipulative and I have finally said NO and now I feel guilty, ashamed and stupid.

Dont I have to stand my ground at some point?

[codnchips]

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[Toddstar]

Yeah she can as our agreement stipulates certain times/days and, not thinking, I olnly added in long weekends with mondays being the holiday, not Fridays. As 11/11/11 is a holiday for me she can, within her rights, still stick to the agreement. Its a terrible thing to do, to withold a parent from their child, I would NEVER even consider using our son as a pawn in an adult chess match, but whatever. There is a special place in hell for people like her. People get what they deserve. Maybe this is it for her...finally.

[vashti]

You were being punitive, and then she was punitive in return.

Maybe if you tried to be generous, she would respond in kind?

[Toddstar]

I am split on what to do. She destroyed me....for many years. All it is, is a phone call. But she has never done anything for me and now brings our son into it. Nope. Punitive or not, I need to stay strong on this.

[MaidenMinx]

While I can see Vashtis point and agree with it, I also applaud you for saying no and sticking up for yourself. Surely someone else can do the recommendation thing for her?

[vashti]

I am split on what to do. She destroyed me....for many years. All it is, is a phone call. But she has never done anything for me and now brings our son into it. Nope. Punitive or not, I need to stay strong on this.

Good. You will win the battle, and your kid will pay the price. Yay, dad! You really showed mom!

[MaidenMinx]

Vashti, she is essentially askingo for this help for herself. If he turns around now and says "ok, I'll do it for my son." There is a bloody good chance that she'll use the son as an excuse to use him more. As long as OP is paying his child support and taking his son when he is supposed to, he owes her nothing more.

[vashti]

Yes, being paranoid about being "used" is helpful. (rolling eyes)

The other way to look at this is that the parent caring for the child needs reliable transportation. If mom has an automobile accident, and the car is uninsured, guess what happens? There will be no transportation. That may not be such a big deal in New York City, but where I live, a car is a necessity.

[Toddstar]

But she lives with a dude that has a job. I am not responsible for anything aside from legal obligation. SHe is projecting her shortcomings on me. What would YOU do?

[MaidenMinx]

Yes, being paranoid about being "used" is helpful. (rolling eyes)

The other way to look at this is that the parent caring for the child needs reliable transportation. If mom has an automobile accident, and the car is uninsured, guess what happens? There will be no transportation. That may not be such a big deal in New York City, but where I live, a car is a necessity.

I do understand that. What if she had an accident when insured that was her fault and the insurance company refuses to pay? She's in the same boat.

And paranoia implies that the threat is not a real one. This is a woman willing to attempt to guilt trip her childs father for getting too much of their childs affection.

[Wakeup]

But she lives with a dude that has a job. I am not responsible for anything aside from legal obligation. SHe is projecting her shortcomings on me. What would YOU do?

Todd: From what I understand, you will not be paying for her new insurance coverage, and all you'll be doing if you do what she asks is to supply her new insurance company with a letter stating that she drove under your insurance coverage and during that time she was accident free. Is that correct?

If I'm understanding correctly then I don't think there is any reason why you shouldn't just advise the Insurer and then let her be on her way with getting herself covered. Tell her to write the letter and you'll sign it as if it was coming from you, and you'll do that when you pick up your son on Thursday night. Kill two birds with one stone.

Now: As far as her driving un-insured. She's just an idiot. If she wasn't then she would pay the extra amount needed for an inexperienced driver with the help of her new partner if need be. Driving un-insured is her stupidity as far as I'm concerned and it would be her own fault if she were to get pulled over by the police while driving un-insured or if she were to have an accident while not covered. She's not a helpless little bird and she needs to take responsibility for herself more.

If she wants you to pay her premium for her.. well then, fk her and the horse she and her new partner are trying to ride in on.

If it's just the letter, do the decent thing and get her off your back and off your insurance policy. The car she's driving is in her name right? If it's not and it's in your's then get that taken care of and transfer title asap so you're not on the hook for anything she does while driving it.

[Toddstar]

I ok'd the letter. I had to really think about it. And, of course, she sent a barrage of emails regarding my new gf (I dont really have one, I am not sure why she thinks I do) about how she is sure my new gf is thinner and pretttier than she is and she doesnt need to put up with my BS (what BS?) that its my new gf's problem and one other hurtful thing, she said she made a bad decision when she met me so many years ago. A lot of vitriol just for a letter and to save a few bucks, I thought.

I dunno what to say. Very hurtful things were said to me.