My boyfriend wants to keep our relationship a secret.

[MissSalma]

I had a boyfriend for one year and because he was acting strange on facebook not wantibg to post pictures with me and change his relationsip status, I started thinking maybe he had someone else.
So when he was not home, I looked in his e-mail and found that he was talking to many girls and also, one conversation in ehich he was telling his friend that he had slept with 3 girls that year.
I got really mad and sent a mass message to everyone in his list ( he had many girls in the list) saying that he is a cheater and saying bad but real things about him like he washed once every 3 days and that he has holes in his underwear.
Of course we broke up and he was really mad about the message, but he denied he slept with other girls than
and he told me he said that to his friend just to look cool to him.
After 4 months without speaking, we met and he told me again that he is sorry for talking to that girls and he sweared he just talked to them for fun and he never cheated on me.
Because I really loved him, after long talks I decided to give him another chance.
Now here is the problem : many friends that received that message started to hate me, telling him I was crazy and that he should never be with me again. He has many girl friends that hated me even before.
And now he doesnt want to tell anybody that we're back again cause he said that everybody will think he's a fool for doing this.
We're in a long distance relationship but when we meet we just meet at his apartment and doesnt take me out. And I dont like this at all. It was hard for me too to tell my family that I got back together with a guy that might have cheated on me, but I did it and told them its my choice and if i'll regret it later, well, I will take responsability.
I posted this message a week ago or so and I still dont know what to do.
He calls me every day trying to convince me to accept what he wants. He says that when he'll come to my town we will meet every day, just not when his friends are around. And that I shouldnt he doesnt get it why I insist so much to be at his bday party or to be with him on New Years Eve party. Cause he will just get drunk and smoke weed.
Its been an awful week for me, cant stop thinking about him and about this. I really tired to explIn to him th at he shouldnt care that much what his friends thought about him, but he says no,no,no I cant tell them. When we will leave the country it will be easier and we would start a new life.
I really love him but I dont know if I should just accept being hidden for so long. I know we will just spend all of our time in his apartment and when he would like to have fun, he will call his friends and tell me to go home
So Im sorry to post this again, I just didnt get over the situation. I feel bad all day and all night.What do you think I should do in the end?
Thank you so much.

[MaidenMinx]

My mum used to always tell me if in doubt, don't do it! Tell him to rack off.

[smackie9]

YOU didn't handle this situation well did you? Sending off all these messages made you look like a crazy ass b itch...doing that kind of childish s hit does more damage to yourself than him. You f'd yourself now because he has to hide you from everyone. You just earned yourself a not so nice reputation, and down the road that will follow you because I'm sure one of those people will know your next BF and will tell them everything about the stunt that you pulled and that you can't be trusted.


I'm going to give you some motherly advice here. This guy was bad news right from the start. He hid his relationship status, had no pics of you two posted....what other frickin warning signs do you need? Do you have that much low self esteem? He doesn't act like someone who is in love, for if he was in love he wouldn't care what anyone thinks, am I right? You are just kidding yourself, you are not really being a part of his life so why are you even bothering with this....this relationship is done.

[Wakeup]

Salma: What is wrong with you? This is from another thread of yours.

Hi
I met a guy about a week ago, in the club. He was with his girlfriend but then he took her home and said that shes not his girlfriend anymore.
So we started dating for 3 days. His ex added me on facebook so i saw that her relationship status wasnt changed.
Today he messaged me saying he was in the club but he didnt say hey, come with me. Later, i saw that she posted on facebook a status like 'im with him at the xyz club'. I messaged him telling him to have fun with her and he called me, saying that no, shes just a friend, that shes a good person and that she was the one who told him if she could come to see him and he couldnt say no. He said ok, we'll meet tomorrow.
He is really handsome and rich and there are a lot of girls who try to have him.
I dont know what to do. I dont want to appear jealous and i cant just say to him that i dont want him to see her, right? Cause weve only been dating for 3 days.
What do you think i should do and what should i tell him? Thank you!

Please work on your self worth and learn about red flags and be strong enough to tell men who don't make you a priorty to go to hell and leave you alone. There is no point staying with men who try to keep you as a piece to take off the shelf every once and a while and disrespect you. The min. your gut tells you that he's not as into you as you are him and that he is treating you as an option, that will be your clue to tell him that you're not interested in him and exist stage left.

Get some counceling to help you love and respect yourself more so that you'll not feel this crappy pain you feal from yearning for men who don't much care about you. Read The Secret and improve your negative, non-abundance mentality, read books about men who play women so you'll know the signs. Educate yourself this man in your Opost played you and continues to play you and you don't have enough self worth to accept that fact and you continue to seek out someone who will tell you what to do to keep him. Kick his playing ass to the curb and get him out of your mind by going cold turkey withdrawl and blocking and deleteing him from your life and mind.

We're in a long distance relationship but when we meet we just meet at his apartment and doesnt take me out.

You are not in a committed, reciprocal, exclusive relationship with him.. he sees you as a part of his harem to take down off the shelf when it suits him. That is the truth. When you have respect for yourself and a healthy self-worth you would be able to see that for yourself without having a forum board point that out to you.

Be good to yourself and suffer through a bit of pain all at once and get rid of him. Quit suffering daily with no end to it in sight by accepting the little crumbs he gives you while you long for more.

[Wakeup]

Further to above: I suggest you take yourself off the dating circuit until you've educated yourself and working to improve your inner strength and sense of self-respect. Once you're happy in your own skin and have learned the lessons that your failed relationships (thus far) were meant to teach you, then get back out there when you're able to take better care of yourself.

Further: Every thread you make lamenting about some douche who treats you poorly, (and there are a number of them) you get tons of advice and opinions but you never come back into your threads and acknowledge that you understand what we're saying or that you agree or disagree or that you'll work on this hot mess that appears you are.

You are either incapable of learning or you are a troll. Which is it?

[alwaystryin]

You need to dump his ass. You sound like my ex boyfriends ex girlfriend who dumped me while I was pregnant. I don't suppose you'll be moving to South America? Lol.. One or both of you are stupid.

[LdFilip]

im sorry i dont have time any of replies on your post,but i can tell you one thing...

...as a man,i can tell you,that most of men are scum and cheaters...and this one surely is...if he really loves you,he would abandon everything,friends,family,even his own life,for you...but he didnt...hes hiding you and that means only one thing...

...i cant tell you what to do,but if i were you,i would leave such a person as soon as possible and be happy that i didnt waste any more second of my life with that person...

[stuckies]

if you're a secret you're not in the relationship you think you are..

[MissSalma]

Thank you for your answers. I needed to hear the truth, because my friends avoid being that honest and straight forward to me.
This guy was like a drug to me, I just couldnt let him go. And the colder he was to me, the more I wanted him and I was so ambitious to make him like me, but now I know that you can't force anyone to do that.
Today I told him to never call me again.

[Wakeup]

Good for you Salma and thank you for updating us. Please stick to your plan and do not let him talk you into anything further. Do yourself a huge help to getting over him and DO NOT stalk his facebook page. Delete and block him from all networking sites so that you don't hurt YOURSELF everytime you peek. You can't quit your drug known as badboyfriend if you keep taking a hit of him.

Good luck.