Just cant get over split.

[ash101]

Hi everyone.

I posted on here some 5 months ago about the breakdown of my 13 year relationship.We have a son of nearly 5 years who i get to see as much as allowed.
Its been nearly 6 months now and i just cant seem to get over it im still heartbroken over the loss of my ex and more so over the fact that im a partime dad.

Iv bought a new house and the ex has kept our old house which although is the best thing for our son is eating me inside as it means iv goto go back to the old familly home almost on a daily basis which brings back all the family memories on a daily basis.

I cant seem to move on and the ex aint helping matters in the last few weeks shes seemed to have led me down the garden path as to speak by asking me to goto the cinima with her and my son(which she put off a week cos i couldnt make it the weekend she had planned)Then it was my birthday and bought me nice aftershave and wrote love on the card.
She has now asked me if i want to stay up christmas eve,day and night which she maintains it for the good of our son which i admit it would be nice for him.
All these little things she does may seem irelivent to her but it sets me back weeks/months as i then start to think we may get back.
To me this isnt normal behaviour after a split but to her it seems normal im sure.
When we have these days out together or are just in each others company you would think we were the happiest couple ever.

I realy cant cope anymore with the highs and lows and dont know what to do next.

Thanks for listening any guidence would be apreciated

[stuckies]

that must be so hard for you - what do YOU want to happen?

Honestly I don't know what some women are thinking....actually I do, we can be manipulative bitches...anyway I have no idea about your past relationship with her, why you split or anything like that. I would hope that if I were the woman in this situation I would see how it makes things difficult and NOT have you stay over, imo it sends the wrong message especially as you havent moved on. It's only 5 months....say that again it's only 5 months ago that you split up. Of course you're going to be raw.

Ask yourself why you want to get back. For your son? Really? For her? For yourself? For the convenience?

Not saying you don't care/love them both but please take some time to yourself to understand what you really want and why.

[ash101]

that must be so hard for you - what do YOU want to happen?

Honestly I don't know what some women are thinking....actually I do, we can be manipulative bitches...anyway I have no idea about your past relationship with her, why you split or anything like that. I would hope that if I were the woman in this situation I would see how it makes things difficult and NOT have you stay over, imo it sends the wrong message especially as you havent moved on. It's only 5 months....say that again it's only 5 months ago that you split up. Of course you're going to be raw.

Ask yourself why you want to get back. For your son? Really? For her? For yourself? For the convenience?

Not saying you don't care/love them both but please take some time to yourself to understand what you really want and why.

Thanks Stuckies.
our relationship broke down cos she recons she fell out of love with me.
I want her back because she was the love of my life and also because of my son.
Iv just spoken to her about what has gone on in the last few weeks and she recons she is just being decent.....As for putting love in the card she recons it would have been a bit formal not to put love.Also she said that just because we get on realy well it dosnt mean we can have a relationship and live together.

I suppose i now know whare i stand and have goto learne not to read too much into anything she does or says but its hard!!!

Thanks once again

[stuckies]

at least you're communicating well enough to be honest about it, I'm not in your situation but it's hard not to read into things when you still care and there's part of you that wants them back.

What will you do about christmas - you know that's going to be tough don't you?

[ash101]

I realy dont know what to do about christmas though im sort of thinking it would be nice for our son to keep things as normal just for the one day.I guess i should try and except that its over and use the new year to move on.However as i type i cant help thinkinh/hoping that it may rekindle something but thats just me being stupid again!!!
Thanks

[stuckies]

how you feel is how you feel, it's not stupid. I think xmas is especially hard - I don't have a family and everytime I switch on the tv what do I see? Every damn advert selling the dream/fantasy perfect family xmas. It gets to me at times and I start to question if I made the right choices.

As for rekindling anything. Don't push, give her and yourself time, be honest and if it's meant to it will work out. x

[ash101]

Hey Now dont take this wrong I LOVE my son more than anthing in the world to the point as whare i havnt been out for a drink in 6 months cos i choose to have him every weekend. Due to long working hours i cant have him in the week but just sometimes i feel it would be easyer if we didnt have a child.I know what your saying about taking it easy with her and do feel things may have been different if id just give her the space she may need .I know i should but i worry then she may feel im over her and she may feel free to meet someone else.
Im just not covinced she is telling the whole truth and admitting she wants to be with me.
Is it possible for a woman not to want you but also not want you to be with anyone else.The reason i ask is because i told her i may go to my company christmas doo which is a couples thing the other day and her jaw droped and she asked quite sadly who am i taking then when i told her i may go myself she seemed relieved.

[stuckies]

like I said you've not long been seperated after a long time together. I know people who've been split up for years, they've moved on, started a new family and STILL got mad when they found out their ex was getting engaged/married etc.