Should we split?

[StevenCapelli]

I've been with my girlfriend for about 6 years now and in the last few months I've noticed her acting strangely. A few months ago I caught her hiding an online instant messaging conversation from me, she stated this was all innocent and was just online friends talking. A few days ago I happened to catch a notification on her cell from the same IM service she uses but the messages were definitely not innocent, it has since been confirmed that she has in fact been talking to guys online in a sexual manner. I won't go into much more detail but she tells me that her reasons for doing this are valid but not sexual in anyway.

I am seriously considering leaving her and am starting to think that even if I did stay would I ever be able to trust her again? She says she's happy with us but she just has some issues.

Any advice would be appreciated.

[kreativesoul]

If your not okay with this then its not okay at all. She has fantasies and one day they will be fulfilled its just a matter of time and she has already taken the 3rd step. 1st being the thought of the fantasy, 2nd being the flirting and actually talking to someone, and 3rd just talking about doing it with that other person. And who knows, maybe she already went all the way. If your not 100% sure their is always a chance she has. Stick to your guns and gut with this one

[1M50L0NL3y]

What I wonder is what is her "valid reason" to engage in sexual conversations with random online dudes... I would understand if she happened to be single, but she's not! I mean give me a break man. I bet this can probably include sending and receiving naked pictures, and so on...
This is something that you clearly disagree on. Also this could escalate to meeting one of them in real life. There's no way to trust her, the only reason why you found out was because you noticed it, otherwise she would still be having cyber sex and you wouldn't know.
The most alarming thing is that for her this is "nothing"...
If I were you I would dump her.

[jamesdavies]

First you ask yourself if you are honest with her and if you treat her like a lady. if no, kindly regularize irregularities.

[bulrush]

You two need to have a serious talk about what is going on. During this talk see if she admits wholly to what she is doing, and that it is clearly dishonest when she hides things from you or lies about them, saying they are innocent conversations. If she continues to have denial, break up. She is not ready to admit who she is. She clearly doesn't respect you as a person, and does not deem you worthy of honesty or trust.

You can always get back together later if things work out. But you also need to talk to her about if she needs variety in her life, or if she just isn't committed to you. There's a difference. Some people need variety and some couples can work this out. Most do not have healthy, secure relationships to deal with this.

What is also a red flag to me is, she never tried to talk to you about this issue. Bad communication=bad relationship.

[StevenCapelli]

Thanks for the advice guys. Just to expand on my original post, her valid reason is relating to some rather serious psychological issues she's currently coping with. Part of me can see that this is not her and that she's just ill at the moment but the other part of me hates her for what she's done. I've never had anything like this happen to me before and I can't stop thinking about it. I don't think I've helped myself by looking at some of the messages she sent to various guys but curiousity got the better of me.

[bulrush]

Oh wait. Is she bipolar in a manic phase? If so, that's real bad, if left untreated. People that don't get treatment have a hard time maintaining deep relationships.

[StevenCapelli]

Possibly, nothing has been confirmed yet though. It's an awful situation, I almost feel bad that I'm angry at her but then I start remembering the emails again and It drives me crazy. No idea what I'm going to do.

[rainydayznnight]

Speaking as a woman, maybe it's mind porn she's after? Men are more visual, I prefer to read erotica. Unless you've engaged in this type of activity you can't realize how addicting it can be. On the other hand, she may be bored and looking for a way out, or she has already found a way out and has yet to break it off with you. Talk to her, but I doubt you will get a straight answer if she has already fibbed.

[TheTooya]

She sounds like a waste of time. Take Bulrushes' advice. Confront her, if she's not honest, ditch her. She knew he was hiding shit from you.

Also look up the shining white knight syndrome.(I believe it's stickied here)

[NeilPearson]

I've been with my girlfriend for about 6 years now and in the last few months I've noticed her acting strangely. A few months ago I caught her hiding an online instant messaging conversation from me, she stated this was all innocent and was just online friends talking. A few days ago I happened to catch a notification on her cell from the same IM service she uses but the messages were definitely not innocent, it has since been confirmed that she has in fact been talking to guys online in a sexual manner. I won't go into much more detail but she tells me that her reasons for doing this are valid but not sexual in anyway.

I am seriously considering leaving her and am starting to think that even if I did stay would I ever be able to trust her again? She says she's happy with us but she just has some issues.

Any advice would be appreciated.

I would leave. I don't put up with bullshit like that at all

[IndiReloaded]

Sounds like you are looking for an excuse to leave. You sure don't sound heartbroken about her behaviour.

She sounds like she has already left (mentally, emotionally). I suspect you haven't been all that nice to each other for a while. You've been together 6 years. With what future do you have planned, exactly?