I'm a guy needing some advice about my ex.

[JMReid]

Hello I really need some advice and help, PLEASE read my situation and comment there. It would be very much appreciated.

[url]http://www.relationshiptalk.net/confusing-situation-ex-wants-me-back...-i-think.-need-some-opinions.-19095132.html[/url]

[amazinglyshik]

Hi,

Your situation is not a pleasant read.

Often, you can find yourself caught in a trap like this not knowing where the exists and entrances are because you can't see the woods for the trees.

Your loyalty to your ex is a strong one, but your loyalty to yourself then gets compromised in the process it appears?. You say that you thought that
'she was ready to come back to you' but soon realised that you had been mistaken in your beleif. Waiting for her to decide what she wants from either
of you could very easily turn into a life-long journey if this has been a pattern of her behaviour since you had chosen to be her husband/partner.

Perhaps she is content by the way things are?, if this is the case, then you need to ask yourself if you are happy to remain in a situation that could be
a permanent one for you?

Even if this is a temporary split of a sort, will not mean that you are going to necessarily feel settled with your ex if she does decide to return to you in
a few months, a year or more so down the line. Issues of trust (if not already present) in your relationship, will undoubtedly have some amount of impact
at some point or another if this continues.

Perhaps you need to ask her some really vital questions about what her situation really is, so that you can make clearer decisions about what you need
from life and a relationship?. If she becomes defensive or reluctant to answer your questions, then this is a strong enough indication that she is not at
all prepared to offer you anything more than a token gesture of her commitment to you (keep you hanging on) for whatever reasons she has in her own
mind. Few people would tolerate or be willing to allow someone they love and care this deeply, to treat them in this way because they know that they
want and deserve better. If it's the case that she is having an affair because you have had them in the past, does not make it okay by any means either -
not that this is the case for you necessarily. Yet, if the boundaries are all out of place on both sides, then you both have to agree to a mutual resolve.

No one can instruct you of what you need to do here, only you can decide what is right and best for you, but you need answers to some very important
questions from your ex if either of you can truly move on and stop what is essentially destroying you if not her. You need a solid agreement that will work
for you both: ie, she stays with her new partner and you end the relationship with her, or she commits to you and works on what she has with you. Rarely
do relationships that fluctuate in this way last long-term and because the damge can be irreversable - with or without children in the mix, so you either keep
it going the way it is and never find the exits, or you lay the rules so that she knows that you are serious about not wanting to hang on in case she changes
her mind in the near future.

I think you are brave, yet your self-esteem not where it should be because you haven't been able to confront her honestly. Personally, I would never tolerate
a partner treating me like this - I would run for the nearest exist and think of myself, no matter how bitter, hurt and destroyed I felt. It is not easy to rebuild
your self-esteem and dignity, yet the courage will be there inside of you the more intolerable the situation becomes. You need to put yourself on a pedalstal
so that your ex no longer has the primary spot there because no matter how much you care and love this woman, you are allowing her to have control over
your own happiness.

The questions to ask yourself might be:

Do I have the same right to be fulfilled and loved as your ex?
Do I want a relationship like this to continue indefinitely?
Do I have a choice in this matter? - list the reasons why you do and reasons why you think you don't

Questions to perhaps ask your ex:

Are you now committed to this new partner, and if so, am I free to find love elsewhere?
If not committed entirely to him, what are your true intentions towards me?
Do you feel that we have any future relationship with the way things are, or should I now move on?
- Telling her just how badly hurt you are feeling should make her give you honest answers.

Hope I have helped a little. Just think that until you have established a concrete response to your questions, you will not be able to make a decision
about where this is all going to end for you. If you don't get the answers you need from her, then you need to give yourself the permission to let her
go and start looking for love and commitment elsewhere, before this trap takes every ounce of what is left of your self-esteem and emotional integrity.

[couchpotato]

I would just move on as it is.You are giving her such an importance that you become too small...even in her eyes!