my conundrum

[saintkenn]

Ok, long story here I guess. I've been dating a gal since the first of April,we seeeach other every single day cause we work together(I know that's a problem). When we started dating she had been single for about 3 months and just casually dated guys in between but nothing serious. She had moved back home with her mom. We hit it off great and she stayed with me a lot. Well, summer came and she has her kids then so staying all the time pretty much came to a standstill.Sincethesummer began, her motherhashad shoulder surgery, her dad has an irreversibleheart issue, but he livesa few statesover,and her kidsdad filed papersto try and win outright custody and limit her visitation, which is bogus, imo. So, all this had added a ton of stress to our relationship. I took her to the beach a few weekends back to get away and we had an absolute blast.

My problem is this....I made the huge mistake of looking through her phone and finding some things I have problems with. A lot of her friends are men and they constantly hit on her through text messages but she doesn't say anything about being in a relationship,she just kind of casually flirt back. I will admit that I've been guilty of the same thing but its always been just a joke. If I confront her about it, she's going to blow her top because her ex husband constantly went through her things. Well, these messages plus the fact that we hardly ever have any alone time has depressed the hell out of me. It seems like she makes an effort to text her friends back but hardly makes an effort for me. I've stated to her that she should show some more affection towards me but she says she is just not an affectionate person and that she would try. I told her I was bought into the relation ship and she says she is to but she just isn'tshowing it. What the hell should i do? Break it off? Ride it out? This stuff is really bothering me. Im totally in love with her and willing to do almost anything.

[kdjm]

If you're totally in love with her then you definitely should not break it off. I would wait it out for a while until her life calms down before bringing up these problems. I wouldn't directly mention the text message thing because you wouldn't want her to think that you don't trust her. Right now, the most important thing is that you are there for her during this tough time and give her what she needs. Because there will come a time when your life is chaos and the only thing you will need is for your partner to be there for you. Give it time and confront the issues in a few weeks.

[saintkenn]

Im scared to confront the issues. I don't want her to know I looked through her phone, I feel like crap about that anyhow. If she knew I did that id probably be single now.

[smackie9]

I doubt your relationship is there for the long haul because she is just fresh out of a marriage. It's no wonder she is flirting with guys, she has missed out on it while she was with him and she is just getting reacquainted with feeling attractive and receiving attention.

I say you are wasting your time because in reality she isn't ready for the type of committed relationship you want. I feel you are just a security blanket for her because she doesn't want to be alone.

She needs to get her life in order, get the attention whore stuff out of her system before she will ever be ready.

[smackie9]

Im scared to confront the issues. I don't want her to know I looked through her phone, I feel like crap about that anyhow. If she knew I did that id probably be single now.

You should be single. It's obvious she isn't in this relationship 100%. read the signs and stop being foolish. It's only been like 4 months and it's already going down hill.